Did I do the wrong thing not inviting BIL to party?

[Longstockingjane]

Hi,

Basically my MIL and FIL don’t talk to my BIL (their son) and his wife. There was a huge fall out and ties were cut.

BIL and his wife also fell out with us however we had a ‘meeting’ to try and repair the situation….we made amends but the damage had been done and the relationship hasn’t felt the same since. We are not close by any means which is sad as my partner actually lived with them for 6 months a while back.

We are due to have our daughters 1st birthday party soon. MIL and FIL have our little girl once a week and are a huge part of her life. Meanwhile BIL & wife don’t even ask how she is or seem bothered about her.

So we invited MIL & FIL to her small party and explained to BIL that we understand he wouldn’t want to come as MIL & FIL are there but asked if he would he like to come over our house the next day.

The reason we did this is because we didn’t want any drama or for MIL &FIL to feel uncomfortable. It is our daughters day and she deserves to have her grandparents there.

now all hell has broke loose saying that we have chosen my partners ‘abusive parents’ over her and her innocent children and that they are no longer classing us as family. She seems to think we shouldn’t be talking to MIL & FIL and she is shocked that I’ll allow my child to be around such abusive people. I speak as I find and they’ve never done me wrong.

did we do the wrong thing?

You're DH has got 2 options: be the bigger person or ignore them.

I'd say to you ignore her. Tell her that you're not getting involved, and that you're happy for the 2 brothers to sort it out. As far as you are concerned, you invited them, they chose not to come, it's a shame. Your conscience is clear.

The fallout started with your PIL correct? Tell them to go mend bridges as you are dealing with fallout. Explain to BIL that its difficult but you hope they can make things up in time. Then step away.

The whole family sound very dysfunctional.

You have known them for years 2/3 years and as such, know nothing of the history.

I would keep out of it altogether and exercise caution around PiL.

Whybshould they? They are adults and get to decide who they have a relationship with. Their relationship with OP is separate. They are not causing this drama

If they are adults they should realise harmonious relationships with daugher in laws are best preserved by keeping your mouth shut. They started the drama and nobody has been an adult since.

But by the sounds of it they don't want a relationship. They are estranged. I haven't read anything that says they started it. She sounds like a horror, they sound like they were sick of her.
Just because she married their son doesn't mean they are forced to have her in their lives

Sorry to ask this OP, but is your DH the golden child?