to disagree with these family bitching sessions?

[elzober]

Two close female family members A and B both run errands and are employed by another family member C.

C is elderly, has a condition that means she uses a wheelchair and also runs a small company.

A helps C with running of the company for a salary and is also a shareholder, does a few errands here and there.

B has a more formal errand arrangement with C to do her shopping that comes with a small salary and is also a company shareholder.

C also has a set of paid carers that visit daily to help her.

There's no denying that C is a difficult character. Quite controlling, can be patronising, denies the realities of her disabilities and generally a very stoic stiff upper lip type. She has done things over the years that have caused stress to A and B and is often unmoveable once she's made her mind up about sth.

A and B find her so difficult and whenever they both see each other they spend lots of time discussing what she said, what she did, how they don't agree with her on such and such, and generally taking everything C does very personally. It's a proper bitching session and theyve gone on like this for a number of years.

Sometimes I'm around too when A and B meet up (as theyre my close family). I now leave the room when a C bitching session begins. I've had enough and I think it's toxic.

I understand the need to vent but its been the same conversations and issues for years and nothing ever changes. They also like to drag up ancient past and things C did in her youth long before the current situation. They just love tearing her to shreds and analysing everything she does. It's like the C gossip is a massive tie that binds them but the more I hear it now as an adult, the more I find it distasteful.

If C is that bad and causes them that much stress IMO they should stop taking her money, cut ties and leave it. Why do anything in life with such seething resentment?

Or they should just reframe the whole situation, take nothing personally and stop dissecting every single thing about C and no longer speak about her.

Or have a frank convo with C instead of bitching behind her back.

I've said all this to A and B but they maintain I just don't get it as I dont have to work with C and only see her occasionally.

AIBU?

And I don't get why mentioned something from 20 years ago matters. If it was something very bad then yea people will still talk about it years later. I don't think time matters.

I am with you op. There is a difference between having a vent and it being a constant conversation. It’s boring to hear the same old things and it makes me think really badly of the people because people can get really petty and nasty and it goes beyond a bit of a bitch about the boss. This actually contributed to the end of my last relationship as my ex could not stop moaning about his work/boss while never doing anything about it.
Just continue letting them get on, and remember if it really was that bad they could have left.

I’d be interested to know the relationship between A, B and C. If A and B are the daughters of C, it may explain a lot for example if she was a bad mother to them. Some people find it hard to cut a parent off for various reasons. Maybe you don’t know the extent of what’s happened.

Continue to leave the room if you don’t like it. Cut them off if it’s that bad.

There's no denying that C is a difficult character. Quite controlling, can be patronising, denies the realities of her disabilities and generally a very stoic stiff upper lip type. She has done things over the years that have caused stress to A and B and is often unmoveable once she's made her mind up about sth.

I have an elderly relative like this. She's amazing in so many ways, and I love her. She's great to talk to and really intelligent. But jeeze, she's awful to anyone doing anything for her. Her cleaner and gardener have both left because she's so rude to them, her lovely next door neighbour who used to look out for her every day, now refuses to see her at all. And when this relative was in hospital, I went to visit her, and was mortified at how rude she was to the staff, from the person who took her meal order, to the consultant treating her.

If I felt obliged to work for her in a family business, I'd go mad. And I'd need to vent every day. Be glad that you're not in A and B's position.

Bullying is surely only bullying if it's done to the person. Speaking behind someone's back is called bitching - as per the thread title- it's very different.

I agree with you that it’s unhealthy. But there’s nothing more you can realistically do about it, and it’s not your responsibility to. You’ve told them what you think and you remove yourself when it happens. That’s enough. You don’t need to do more.

Bullying is surely only bullying if it's done to the person. Speaking behind someone's back is called bitching - as per the thread title- it's very different

agreed and we all do it.