To ask why the grass isn't greener

[greenhebeaww]

I know someone through a hobby who left his wife of 25 plus years to be with a woman he'd known for quite a long time and had been having an affair with. Five or so months later he's desperate to get back with his wife. He used the phrase 'I want things to get back to normal'.
I really wonder in these situations what's happened, i.e. has the new woman turned out to have a different character to before, or does she have annoying habits that weren't apparent when they weren't living together, or is he comparing the new woman to his wife in terms of their behaviour or what they each do for him, etc. Basically, what was he expecting after being with the same woman all that time! - is what I want to ask him.

a close friend of mine used to always say to me ‘do you think we settled down too soon?’ (Both been with partners since teens) ‘I feel like I missed out on my youth’ etc she was clearly unfulfilled in her relationship and ended up having an affair leaving her husband and child with the husband to persue a new relationship with a new ‘exciting’ man

she went back to her dh- who took her back and agreed to try again- and when she spoke to me about it she said that in the end the new guy was happy to just sit and watch telly in the evening and if that’s what she was doing she may as well have stayed with her husband and child

a few months later she left her husband again (and her child) and is living a child free high energy life elsewhere- basically reliving her youth

so the grass wasn’t greener with the new man, it was exactly the same- and she thought she may as well stay with the husband but she was still unhappy so the point is they may want to go back to their wives but whatever is in them to stray or the reason why they cheated will remain

A yearning for their youth. Hadn't thought of that.

Yes I also had a close friend who left her husband after 20 odd years of marriage, had two teenage DC, nice house, both on six figures etc, but she wanted out because she wanted something more exciting even though her exh is a great guy, did his fair share of childcare / housework, very attentive etc. The divorce really affected their children.

Spent years moaning about being lonely before meeting a new guy. Then she relocated cities to be with him and left her kids behind in process (the eldest was still living at home as she has ASD and her youngest was at the local uni), she lived this cosmopolitan lifestyle in a yuppy area, boasting about her new life on SM, and barely visited her two kids. A vast change from the drudgeries of family life. Effectively she had a mid life crisis.

Two years later its fallen apart, not entirely sure why but I think the new bf is fed up too because she is not the easiest woman to be in a relationship with. She's suffered financially because he wants half of everything even though it was the sale of her house that paid for their new house. Abandoned her friends, including myself (and we have been friends since school). Her youngest does not want to have much of a relationship with her. She's full of regrets. Meanwhile her exh is very happy in a new relationship. Its hard for me to muster up any sympathy to be honest.

I would say she deserves everything awful that it's turned out to be.

Soemtimes the grass is greener though when you’re living with an utter cunt at home!

most of the time though they do go crawling back!

Life can get pretty boring can't it, a shiny brand new person can make the world seem like an exciting place again. The feelings quickly fade though as you come down off the initial high.

Have you seen the Michelle Williams film 'take this waltz', is about this issue. Don't want to post spoilers but would recommend.