To refuse a quickie?

[Zigzagzogoo]

DH and I seen to have fallen in to a routine of having a quickie when the dc are watching a film or something, so I've always got an eye on the bedroom door. They are young and exhausting so come bedtime neither of us are much up for sex.

DH has never been great in bed to be honest, he's a bit clumsy and a bit selfish, but we've sort of muddled through. I've come to realise that this quickie situation suits him down to the ground. He's absolved from any responsibility to make the sex good...he's getting his needs met and I'm not, and I'm feeling really resentful and used.

I've told him I'm done with the weekly quickies, we either have proper sex where he puts a bit of effort in, or we stop having sex until the dc are a bit more settled and we've more time to ourselves, either option would suit me.

He's now sulking. AIBU or should I put up with the crap sex?

Yeah, I think one-sided sex is worse for the person not getting the pleasure than no sex at all. I'd feel like I was being used, which is what is happening.

I love a quickie BUT quickie doesn't = bad sex for me.

Sounds like it's not the quickie that's the problem but a crap on bed DH.

@Thebeastofsleep i'm just assuming but you might be one of the minority that can feel pleasure through intercourse? It's not like that for many women of course, and is not the fault of men. Intercourse can be quite uncomfortable even, for many. Foreplay is essential for most women.

What awful manners. "a gentlemen always lets the lady come first"

Yes nothing gets a woman's juices flowing like a man having a sulk.

Ofc YANBU!

YADNBU!

Sex is about the mutual and joyful coming together as an expression of love and sharing.

I wouldn't have sex, be it for hours or a quickie, with someone who wasn't really interested in my pleasure as well as his.

Good for you for refusing bad sex 🙌🏻 you're doing the right thing. He'll try a bit harder now once he stops sulking, cos the alternative would be no sex at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

A quickie that both enjoy is very different from a quickie simply for his benefit. You might as well be a hole in the wall. Let him sulk - stupid man.

YANBU at all! Sorry but why should you be having unfulfilling sex ‘to feel closer as a couple’ if he’s getting his rocks off and you aren’t? Time to carve out some proper intimate time OP.

Quickies are fine as long as he follows the rules.
Rule 1. You come first.
Rule 2. See Rule 1.

Depends if you orgasm through intercourse alone.

Tell him he can have a quickie but he’s not allowed to have an orgasm- just like you- then that’s fair.

I can't get my head around the fact that both of you are too tired every night for sex but can summon the energy in an unlocked room while the kids are up. No wonder you don't enjoy it

They're tireder at night? That's really not that weird.

Quickies are great, but only if both of you are having an orgasm.

YANBU. Also, sulking makes it all even less sexier. I would be telling him that such a lack of foreplay is making penetration very dry and uncomfortable so the quickies will now have to involve a focus on you or not happen. Because the opposite of that is exactly the situation you are having to put up with to suit him - no real pleasure but he gets to orgasm.

But too tired every single night?
Putting the kids to bed and going to bed earlier would surely be a better solution than what's happening.

Vibrators change quickies for women.

For us, quickies are maintenance sex and essential. DH gets more out of it than me, but I'm happy to oblige. However, this is because we have enough 'proper' sex to keep me happy too. Quickies only, forever? No.

Genuine question to all women on here…

What time frame constitutes a “quickie”?

I class a quickie as lasting 10 minutes at the absolute maximum.

It’s very, very rare I orgasm through them as it takes a lot more forepleay and penetration time for me to reach climax, so technically it benefits DH more than me, but I still really enjoy them because of the passion and urgency of them.

However, me and DH also have lots of ‘normal sex’ too which is why I probably why I don’t mind the odd quickie even though it doesn’t sexually satisfy me in the same way it does my DH.

How old are your children OP?

Mine and 8 and 5 and any kind of sex is absolutely out the question until I know they are fast asleep. I imagine this will have to change as they get older though 😂

Love a quickie! Get a good vibrator- ensures you have an orgasm too. As with others, we're too tired in the evening so grab it when we can.