So many parts to this story I don’t know where to start.
ive been sober since New Year’s Day. I now consider myself teetotal. DH however has continued drinking heavily on a weekend. He is not a nice person when he drinks, it starts with him shouting and arguing with the TV and then he tends to turn on me being argumentative, sarcastic, cocky, passive aggressive and animated. He’s been the same throughout our marriage but because I used to drink too my memories of “last nights argument” was often hazy and he’d gaslight me into thinking it was my fault. Since I became sober I’ve realised it’s all him.
so, last weekend he caused upset (not an argument as I’ve largely learnt to be passive when he’s drinking to avoid conflict) by totally taking over the TV and putting on cunting Jools Holland twice when he knew I wanted to watch a film and knowing full well I can’t stand Jools Holland.
Then we get to this weekend. We have a social event today that I have been nervous and anxious about all week. I’m neurodiverse. I had previous asked him not to cock it up by faffing around today so that we’re late etc or him deciding he can’t come. he promised me all would go smoothly.
He then tells me he’s going on a night out on Friday (last night). I remind him about the event today (he’s previously cancelled plans with me due to hangover). He promised me all plans would go to plan. I also told him not to be an arsehole when he gets home because quite frankly I’m fucking sick of it every weekend. He promises me he won’t.
so he gets home drunk and disappears into the garden. I go see what he’s upto and he’s peering over the fence eyeballing the also very drunk man next door saying “what is this dickhead doing staring at our house” 😱 I explain that whilst he was out a fight/argument took place next door and now he’s stood guard on the front door trying to stop his wife getting out and getting into another fight with the locals. DH becomes all animated and starts spouting off bullshit about how they only started misbehaving because he was out. I assured him that I doubt that even knew he was out or gave a shit 🙄
we gets back in the house and he keeps banging on about it asking what happened and what were they doing. I told him they’d knocked on our door earlier but none were making any sense as they were all very drunk so I have no idea but it was none of our business. He turn says “I’m going to go out there and get my arse out in front of their door”. I say “ha, yeah ok” not believing he was being serious. He was being serious and marched outside and stood in front of their ring doorbell doing god knows what. Mortified I drag him back inside and tell him to stop causing trouble.
he goes on and on about it before telling me that he’s arranged to pick his 25 year old son up tomorrow (today) and give him and lift to his mates. I say “remember about the even planned?” And he said “yeah I can do both”. I say “well what time are you picking him up?” And he says “12”. I say “well that’s not going to work is it as we need pick (granddaughter) up at 12:15 as has been arranged all week”. He says “we can do both”. I said “we can’t get across town in 15 minutes, you promised me you wouldn’t faff around tomorrow”. He raises his voice and says “no! You’re making a drama out of it, there is no need for a drama yet you make a drama” and gets all animated with his arms. I snap. I mean I properly snapped and shouted not to speak to me like shit just because he’s had a drink and I’m fucking sick of him being an absolute cock everytime he drinks, I’ve had enough!
he’s visibly shocked that I’ve finally stood up for myself and shuts up. 5 minutes later he says “so am I telling my own son that I can’t give him a lift tomorrow then?”
I say calmly “tell him you’ll have to pick him up earlier as we need to be somewhere by 12:15”.
He says “so I’m telling him I can’t do it because you said so?”
I say “as I just said, you’d need to pick him up earlier”.
he says “you said I’m not allowed to do it so I’ll tell him that?”
I blow up again and shout at him not to try and fucking gaslight me because it won’t work. My suggestion was perfectly reasonable and clear and if he wishes to deliberately misunderstand then that’s on him, not me.
he does a daft thing with him arms and says “ooo I’m scared!”. He’s 51.
I continue trying to watch tv and he tries to shove his phone in my face as he wants me to see the message from his son. I shout “get that phone out of my face”. He gives up and stomps off to bed.
Im not been unreasonable to be fucking livid am I?