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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask how to deal with awkwardness at work after handing in notice?

7 replies

letme · 11/06/2022 00:31

I'm handing in my notice next week after struggling with the job for 8 months. The reason being is I can't cope with the social side of things (I'm pretty sure that I'm on the autistic spectrum). I'm good at the work part of my job and if I could just do that I'd be happy, but I find the interactions with colleagues and clients very difficult. My job has a lot of responsibility and involves dealing directly with clients and attending in-person conferences and I just can't cope with it.

I've struggled to bring up my difficulties with my manager because I'm a private person and I feel like I can't say "I'm struggling with the social side of the job" when that is probably 60% of my role. Simply put, I think I'm not suitable for the role. I somehow got the job and passed my probation but with extensive and excessive coping mechanisms. I'd worry all weekend about a Monday morning standup meeting and write myself a script to memorise and repeat on what to say, for example.

I know when I hand in my notice my manager and senior management is going to probably try and convince me to stay. My job is fairly niche and there are a shortage of candidates with the appropriate experience and education. It's a growing industry and growing company. I've had good feedback from my manager and senior management on the work that I produce and my manager has said I have a lot of potential and is trying to really push me, but I just can't cope with it. I can't cope with the social aspect.

AIBU to ask how to deal with the awkwardness around this? Can I just say I'm leaving for personal reasons?

OP posts:
SpeedofaSloth · 11/06/2022 00:48

Could you be brave enough to tell your manager what you wrote here?
What might they say?

worraliberty · 11/06/2022 00:53

Can I just say I'm leaving for personal reasons?

Yes, just say that and then go back to the type of work that made you happy before.

Of course they're going to push you to stay, because it's in their own work interests but if it's not right for you then you need to take the stand that you are taking.

Aprilx · 11/06/2022 06:56

I think you will find once it is done it is done. Your managers and colleagues will accept it and move on. You carry on as normal during your notice period other than you hand things over where required. I have been in the workforce for thirty years and have never encountered awkwardness from anybody surround8ng a resignation. It is a fact of life.

GiltEdges · 11/06/2022 07:15

I know it's not the question you asked OP, but have you received any help from your GP for the way you're feeling?

It would be a shame to give up on a job that you're good at if it's something that could be managed. I also think it's worth discussing openly with your manager what you're struggling with; you really have nothing to lose if you're planning to hand your notice in anyway, but their reaction might surprise you in a positive way.

It's also worth bearing in mind that lots of people feel out of their depth to some extent /uncomfortable with certain aspects of a new job for the first 6-12 months, so whilst I'm not at all trying to minimise what you're experiencing, I think most people would be able to relate to it.

TidyDancer · 11/06/2022 07:21

I'm facing a similar situation at the moment. I will imminently be handing my notice in and I have been there for such a long time now that there will be questions asked of me as to why and I'm not sure how to explain it or even that I particularly want to. I have for some time suspected that I may not be NT but have never had a formal diagnosis or even had anyone close to me mention it. I am extremely good at masking apparently.

I'm good at my work and very respected within my office but my current team do not 'get me' and there is an unpleasant atmosphere caused by one other person in what is a relatively small team. Another person is handing in their notice next week for the same reason.

I am tempted to go with 'personal reasons' myself and just leave it at that because I feel I will be more comfortable with it. Although I have considered a 121 off the record conversation with my manager (who isn't great, but will listen). Could something like that be possible for you?

KarrotKake · 11/06/2022 07:34

Have you got a new job? Just tell them the new job has a greater proportion of <bits you enjoy>, and you want to focus on that part.

letme · 12/06/2022 19:50

I really don't feel comfortable bringing this up to my manager, I find them quite intimidating and as I've been working from home the vast majority of the time I feel like I don't know my manager well enough to talk about something so deeply personal.

I don't have another job lined up yet.

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