AIBU to be really stressed to be home with DC alone while DH traveling?

Panda2020 · 2022-06-10T21:36:10+00:00

I’ve been feeling really anxious about DH traveling for work while I’m home taking care of DC (2yo) on my own. I’ve been worrying about it for months before the day actually comes. DH is usually very good with our son and I feel like what if I can’t handle it on my own. Anyone else feels the same or just me?

Burnamer · 10/06/2022 22:39

How long is you DH away for? Is there any specific bit you’re worried about?

Original poster

Panda2020 · 10/06/2022 22:43

He’s away for 5 days. The first time he was away after DC was born I didn’t handle it well and had a breakdown because I was too tired and felt everything was out of control, which makes me feel anxious every time for his future trips. I went through a couple of his short trips (2-3 days) fine but DC was in nursery most of the time. I suppose I’m more am worried about I’d have a breakdown again than dealing with DC or the tantrums myself.

OP posts:

Vecna · 10/06/2022 22:48

Panda2020 · 10/06/2022 22:43

He’s away for 5 days. The first time he was away after DC was born I didn’t handle it well and had a breakdown because I was too tired and felt everything was out of control, which makes me feel anxious every time for his future trips. I went through a couple of his short trips (2-3 days) fine but DC was in nursery most of the time. I suppose I’m more am worried about I’d have a breakdown again than dealing with DC or the tantrums myself.

I think this is more complicated that your OP indicates and YANBU. Looking after a toddler is tough, but it's your mental health difficulties you're concerned about. Is there anyone else who can support you?

Waffle · 10/06/2022 22:50

Not sure this will be a helpful post..

I get this and I've never spoken to anyone about it. Its almost a relief to see someone else in a similar position. After DD was born DH had to go away for 4 weeks, I had undiagnosed PND and it was hell.

Thankfully he's never been away for so long again but when he goes away for shorter periods it's like I'm back there again, remembering how awful it was and dreading it. That was 9 years ago!!

Now I try to get through it by doing a few things. Reminding myself that I can do it and it will be fine. Structured days, in small blocks make it easier to get through - having meals planned helps. And also.. making sure I have time to calm down, so I make sure my daughter's have a club to go to or nursery and I have a day off, just something to take time for me to relax.

I hope that helps a bit.

Russell19 · 10/06/2022 22:52

My husband works abroad sometimes. The more you do it, the easier it is. You'll cope because you'll have to.

Waffle · 10/06/2022 22:52

Also if its over a weekend, trying to see friends or family, just to give me some adult interaction helps as well.

HayfeverSniff · 10/06/2022 22:57

How long until DH is away? Can you do some practice nights where DH goes out and returns around 10/11pm so you've handled bedtime etc alone to build confidence? Remember you're in a very different place now to when DC was a newborn!

Get a routine in place before DH goes away e.g. breakfast at XX time, bath at XX, bed at XX and then stick to it. Little children thrive on routine. If DC isn't at nursery this time, plan activities ahead and book in some play dates/toddler groups/outings so you aren't having to entertain 100% of DCs time; toddlers are exhausting.

Think about inviting a relative to stay to help. Even if they can distract DC for a few mins at a time, this gives you a chance to make a cup of tea,.cook food, tidy up etc.

Don't try to just wing it as this will not help your confidence. Call DH daily after DC is asleep and go through the day so you can reflect, chat about any worries and go to sleep (early!) feeling capable.

5 days is a long time to be alone when you're used to a partnership. It sounds like you are in the fortunate position of having a supportive and hands-on DH so just remind yourself it's a few days then he'll be back.

ForestFae · 10/06/2022 22:58

I don’t like my husband being away either, I get it.

JenniferBarkley · 10/06/2022 23:00

Ours are 4 and nearly 2, and DH has just started travelling again post pandemic. He's been away three times in the past 5 or 6 weeks. I've known this period was coming for months and it's really been hanging over me. However, it honestly was ok - even when DD1 came down with chickenpox, because of course she did!

Think about what you find easiest - I prefer to be out of the house so we did plenty of park trips. I also waaaaay lowered my standards so they had much more TV than normal which meant I could cook a meal without them hanging out of me.

Strategise to make it as easy as possible on yourself, and if you're worried about your MH plan in a meeting with someone for a break. Is there anyone nearby you can confide in and draft them in for a bit of help?

worraliberty · 10/06/2022 23:05

Panda2020 · 10/06/2022 22:43

He’s away for 5 days. The first time he was away after DC was born I didn’t handle it well and had a breakdown because I was too tired and felt everything was out of control, which makes me feel anxious every time for his future trips. I went through a couple of his short trips (2-3 days) fine but DC was in nursery most of the time. I suppose I’m more am worried about I’d have a breakdown again than dealing with DC or the tantrums myself.

Have you had any professional help for you mental health?

No way would I go away again if my DH had a breakdown while looking after our child.