Childhood traits persist in adulthood

[Hannahpops4]

Inspired by another thread about a badly behaved toddler terrorising the OP’s child.

As a fifty year old, I’ve seen plenty of my friend’s kids, and kids in my extended family, grow up. I have an observation that has left me wondering if I’m being unreasonable.

I’ve noticed (purely anecdotal and from a relatively small sample!), that kids who excessively and repeatedly behave badly towards others - with nasty, spiteful, jealous, bullying behaviours, tend to remain nasty as adults.

I can think of two kids (now adults) who were particularly nasty to other kids throughout their childhood, even as toddlers. They are now arseholes. I’m not talking about naughty or boisterous kids, that’s different. I’m talking about really underhanded, sly, manipulative behaviour. Both kids were adept at lying and getting other kids into trouble, hitting other kids and generally being mean and selfish, deliberately causing trouble and enjoying the fallout.

I know all kids act up and none are perfect but most kids show kindness and compassion to others as well. Most of them learn how to interact with others and share, take turns etc.

Perhaps my perception of the two people I’m referring to is slightly skewed because of their behaviour as children, but I’ve spoken to others who think they’re arseholes as well. Both of them brought up well and their siblings are generally very nice.

I recognise all kids can be horrible at times (including my own!) but am I way off the mark with my observation?

I watch and read a lot of true crime, and I've found that the majority of perpetrators suffered gross abuse in their childhoods.
I often think that their parents should be in the dock with them.

While some others learn that they can get away with sneaky behaviour (and get others into trouble instead) so it becomes more ingrained in their behaviour. They might have learned differently if the people around them had treated them differently.

I agree that it's harder to spot but where to the dc learn about this behaviour? I think some must pick it up because that's what they see in their parents.

I once knew a man in his 30s who had a vicious temper. I saw it in action a couple of times where he'd lose the plot, kick walls, throw objects etc. I remember thinking at the time that it was like watching an adult have a toddler tantrum. A year or so later I met his parents in the family home and his mum was jokingly showing us some dents in the wall from when he'd been a kid. She was almost proud of it and said 'oh he had a terrible temper as a kid but we used to just laugh at him'.

And you could see right there that because he'd done it as a kid and no one had ever put any boundaries in place, he'd never grown out of it.

I think that parents, siblings, peers, teachers - and the immediate social landscape in general - can have a great deal of influence over whether certain childhood behaviours end up becoming ingrained habits for life.

Antisocial behaviour in childhood can be reinforced or enabled but can also be redirected by others, particularly a wise and vigilant parent.