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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To take a holiday alone?

20 replies

Thiswillpasstoo · 10/06/2022 15:24

Hi all. I'm finding it really difficult to make a firm decision so have come on here to get some perspective and honest opinions.

Have DH and four DC. All teens and tweens. Over the last few years we have moved house multiple times, changed jobs and gone through some stressful situations. More recently iv recovered from a tooth abscess, then covid, then a sinus infection and am currently nursing a tooth extraction.

I am absolutely shattered! On a daily basis I do self care. Walks, rest etc. Here's the issue. A chance has come up to go on a two week holiday abroad with my friend.

On the one hand I really feel like it would do me good but a part of me feels really guilty of leaving my family at home. I'm planning a UK break with them too but still can't muster the courage to say yes to this trip.

Please be honest with your response, I can take it!

TIA.

OP posts:

justasmalltownmum · 10/06/2022 15:29

I would say yes and go for a week.

whatnowteenager · 10/06/2022 15:29

You literally have nothing to loose and everything to gain, does that help??

sorry you've had a hard time with health, I'm in the same boat and would jump at this chance, I wouldn't even miss anyone I'd just be all about "me" and recover.

SparklyLeprechaun · 10/06/2022 15:31

I wouldn't do 2 weeks if you're feeling guilty, but I would go for a week for sure.

Arthursmom · 10/06/2022 15:34

Take it. Wish it was me.

SummerHouse · 10/06/2022 15:43

Same as PP. A week, yes, hell yes. Two weeks, bit much possibly. It is vitally important what your partner thinks as I presume he will pick up 100% of duties in that time. If he wants you to go for two weeks, then do it.

Just thinking if this was my DP, I would think two weeks is too much. It would affect my work and my other responsibilities (and my sanity).

TedMullins · 10/06/2022 15:58

Yes of course, why wouldn't you? Being married doesn't condemn you to only taking holidays with your spouse and kids for the rest of your life does it? I wouldn't think twice about doing things with friends as well as family holidays.

Aprilx · 10/06/2022 16:03

I think it depends really, what does your husband think, what about the children, will they get a holiday or will this mean they need to go without. Those are pretty minor ailments (I have had all of them) and have been through most of the other events too, so yes I think it depends,

Sunnytwobridges · 10/06/2022 16:08

I wouldn't think twice about going. Your kids are old enough to be without you.

broccolicheese · 10/06/2022 16:21

Go! You have nothing to feel guilty about. It's a one off, you're going on a family holiday anyway, just do it.

NoSquirrels · 10/06/2022 16:25

What does your DP think?
Is money and holiday time no issue?

zafferana · 10/06/2022 16:25

None of your ailments are your family's fault and you chose to have four DC so the workload related to your family was your choice. If you were asking about a weekend away with your friend and your DH was encouraging you, I'd say yes, absolutely. But two weeks? Unless your DH is supportive and can cope fine without you there, then that would be a no from me.

Lulu1919 · 10/06/2022 16:28

If you can afford it and child care etc isn't an issue why would you not go ???

Peaseblossum22 · 10/06/2022 16:29

I would definitely do two weeks. You are not talking about doing this every year it’s just the once. Ignore the poster saying that these are minor ailments , one on top of the other they are not minor and all can vary in the severity and length of symptoms, and don’t forget post viral fatigue.

it will take you a week to really relax and then it will be time to return, a fortnight will enable you to fully rest and recover. I went through a stage like you , I wish I had done this, instead of soldiering on and being a less good mother than I could have been for longer than I needed to. Yes this might be a little hard for your family but they will cope and you will get better quicker.

Happy holidays !

Hbh17 · 10/06/2022 16:46

It's not a holiday alone, as you'll be with your friend and 2) of course you must go, for the whole 2 weeks. People who say "just do a week" are implying that you need some sort of concession because actually it's a very bad thing for mothers to leave their kids..... not true! JUST GO & have a fabulous time.

Simplelobsterhat · 10/06/2022 16:48

Hmm, 2 weeks seems a long time away if some of the kids are only tweens. Is a shorter break an option? Or would you be happy if your dh also took a 2 week break without the family, because he'd be entitled to if you did? At that age presumably there is still need to cover childcare and lifts to places etc, so how hard would it be for dh to cover it all alone or is there other family around to help / would the eldest step up a bit? What does dh think?

My view is probably coloured by only having been abroad twice since my 12 year old was born, and then only for a week each, so I would feel bad treating myself to something I couldn't afford for the whole family. But if holidays abroad are more common for you that wouldn't be an issue i guess.

Also will a holiday actually help with the health issues? no matter how chilled the holiday i rarely come back less tired when you take into account travel, sleeping on strange bed etc.

I see absolutely no problem with parents taking a break alone, but the issues above would give me pause in this case. If those issues aren't a problem for your family for whatever reason go for it!

Simplelobsterhat · 10/06/2022 17:00

Also forgot to ask about annual leave time? Will it leave you having to be careful how much time you take off for family stuff/ childcare if you take 2 weeks for this? Basically i think it comes down to not being unreasonable in principle but would be unreasonable if there is a huge knock on effect for everyone else either practically or financially, or if you wouldn't be happy with dh doing same.

Thehop · 10/06/2022 17:03

Those are all pretty minor ailments aside from covid.

i wouldn’t say you need a holiday to convalesce but I certainly don’t see why you shouldn’t just go because you want to, as long as you can take time off work and your partner is happy to support the house without impacting on the family too much. Money permitting too obviously

Original poster

Thiswillpasstoo · 10/06/2022 17:51

Thankyou for the replying.
The consensus seems to be that perhaps one week instead of two might be more appropriate. I hadn't thought of that. The friend who invited me will also have her sister coming along so I guess if I did go I could come back a week earlier and they could stay on.

@whatnowteenager that's so true. I was thinking of using it as recovery time. It's definitely more nervous exhaustion than anything physical at the moment.

@SummerHouse he says he will be able to cope. Either that or he will secretly enjoy having some time apart from me! It will be during the summer holidays so the school run will be one less thing to do. We have two children with SEN so I definitely have be around during term time.

@TedMullins I wish I had your mindset. Every time I go for a evening out with friends, I cook for everyone, make sure all chores etc are done before I go. Simply because of the guilt! I'm not sure where this comes from but I'm working on it.

@NoSquirrels he's fine about it, it's all my own issue. Iv got some sort of embedded way of thinking that I mustn't leave the country without my family, especially of it's for enjoyment/relaxing purposes. Child care is ok and financially wel be ok too.

@Peaseblossum22 I doubt you were a less good mother. The fact that your reflecting on that shows you are more than likely a great mum.

@Hbh17 can I have a bit of what you have in a bottle please ?????

OP posts:

Original poster

Thiswillpasstoo · 10/06/2022 17:58

@Simplelobsterhat he is saying all the right things in terms of coping. And yes of course he is definitely entitled to do the same. As I work term time, all our breaks are taken in the school holidays so time off for annual leave is not an issue.

I did actually think about whether or not I would come back refreshed. Even though yes the ailments I mentioned can be seen as minor and there are many who have had it worse than me it all boils down to the fact that I feel like iv been in a fast spin dryer with no let up. Having anemia doesnt help and I guess I'm just one of those people who don't always bounce back very easily.

OP posts:

40somethingsingle · 23/06/2022 21:28

Hi, looking for advice and I guess reassurance. I’m very recently single. Just a few days and had a holiday booked with my ex. He’s refusing to pay his share of it so I’m considering going alone (no friends are available to come with me) we have several hotels booked in Mallorca and my ex would have driven us around the island. I don’t drive so it’s not an option for me to do that. I guess my question is, is it sad to go away for 2 weeks on my own, I’m nervous about the evenings and eating alone mostly, as imagine it will be full of happy families and couples. Would you swallow the loss on cost and cancel or go alone?

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