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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD bitten at school

33 replies

KDEN · 10/06/2022 11:54

My 5 year old DD’s teacher has just called and said that she has been bit. She is bruised and child is being dealt with a accordingly, she is going to tell me who it was obviously but WWYD?

OP posts:
Gingermoth · 10/06/2022 11:56

Sorry this happened to you, I think as hard as it is you need to let school deal with it. Don't discuss it with the other child's parents.

Marvellousmadness · 10/06/2022 11:57

Nothing.
Unless it starts happening often
But as a once off? Nothing

Arenanewbie · 10/06/2022 12:03

it’s so awful, really hope your DD will get over it quickly and it’s not very serious.
i would expect a meeting urgently where school will clarify what’s happened and what measures they are going to put in place in details so that’s never happened again. Don’t approach other child’s parents.

Helpyou · 10/06/2022 12:04

Don't approach other parents. I'm sure they'll be mortified enough as it is.

Dixiechickonhols · 10/06/2022 12:06

If it’s broken skin I’d get medical attention. Human bites can get infected.

Original poster
KDEN · 10/06/2022 12:07

I wouldn’t dare approach other child’s parents I can imagine they feel awful, plus I’m not the confrontational type.

I just feel so bad for her!

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 10/06/2022 12:08

There's no need to do anything, the school is dealing with it. Just reassure your daughter that it won't happen again.

FruitToast · 10/06/2022 12:15

Nothing. School are dealing with it. They will put consequences in place and there will be extra lessons on being kind, not biting, hitting, kicking, how to stay calm and anything else they can think of. Plus an action plan in place if the biter is a serial offender.

I'm on the other side. DD is being assessed for ASD and has twice bitten someone when feeling overwhelmed in the playground (so very rare but obviously not acceptable). Absolutely nothing anyone can do about it (although her excellent teacher knows how to deal with her now). DD knows it's wrong to bite, she gets massively upset that she's bitten someone and has to deal with the consequences of her actions at school and at home. The parents will be absolutely mortified their child has bitten someone but they weren't with the child at the time and I can almost guarantee they've taught their child biting is wrong.

Dementedswan · 10/06/2022 12:21

I'm surprised the school are telling you who it was. When one of mine was bitten or hit they never disclosed the name of the other child.

I'd trust the school to deal with it. They will be used to it.

coffeecupsandfairylights · 10/06/2022 12:22

I wouldn't do anything.

Mariposista · 10/06/2022 12:54

Don’t do anything. Treat her if she has broken skin and just put it behind you (and be glad it wasn’t your child doing it).

WorriedWagon · 10/06/2022 13:01

My DS was bitten, he was only 2. I didn't expect to find out which child bit him but as soon as I said "what happened to your hand?" he loudly proclaimed the full name (extended first name and surname) of the child who'd bitten him. Previously, every name of a classmate had just sounded like jibberish ("I played with Ruhisop" etc). I'm an un-PFB at it's possible to be and, when we got the message that he'd been bitten (especially because it said "human bite"), I was a little bit floored and really upset. DS was completely fine, he had no issues at all, wasn't really "hurt" just had tooth marks, wasn't upset - he was just fine. He's been completely fine since, loves nursery, friends with the kid that bit him, hasn't been bitten since.

There's something weird about your child being bitten, you feel like it's a more aggressive attack than being hit because it feels so feral. But, honestly, DS acted no differently to if he'd scraped his knee or bumped his head or anything else. You have to just let it go - they'll have likely let it go before you even see them.

Soubriquet · 10/06/2022 13:03

My ds was strangled the other day whilst at school

School rang and notified me, told the the child was losing privileges for 2 days and that he had to write an apology note for ds.

I was happy with that, and therefore I haven’t seeked any further consequences.

I do know the mum of the child and she has spoken to me to ask if ds was ok, but I wouldn’t have gone looking for her otherwise

Louise0701 · 10/06/2022 13:04

You don’t need to do anything?

ForestFae · 10/06/2022 13:07

Nothing. Check the bite is clean and put some cream on it. My DS1 was a biter until he was 5, he’s autistic and has adhd and he’s also partially deaf which meant he couldn’t communicate properly and would often bite to indicate distress. He doesn’t do it now but it was a really difficult time, the parents of the biter probably feel bad about it!

Fml1980 · 10/06/2022 13:09

I was that parent where my 4 year old bit another child.
He is autistic (not saying that makes it any better).
The parents will know as its a safeguarding issue.
My son lost his playtime and had to see the head teacher.
I also spoke to him at home about not hurting other children (I didn't discipline him again as the school had already done that).

I think the worst thing (apart from the poor child that got bit).
Was how the child's mum wrote all over Facebook about it and my 4 year old son was called a bastard, a nasty little cunt etc etc (not saying you would do this!

Honestly most parents would be horrified that there child has done this.

Original poster
KDEN · 10/06/2022 13:11

@Fml1980 aww I am sorry she did that, as if you didn’t feel bad enough! Some people!

OP posts:
ForestFae · 10/06/2022 13:12

Fml1980 · 10/06/2022 13:09

I was that parent where my 4 year old bit another child.
He is autistic (not saying that makes it any better).
The parents will know as its a safeguarding issue.
My son lost his playtime and had to see the head teacher.
I also spoke to him at home about not hurting other children (I didn't discipline him again as the school had already done that).

I think the worst thing (apart from the poor child that got bit).
Was how the child's mum wrote all over Facebook about it and my 4 year old son was called a bastard, a nasty little cunt etc etc (not saying you would do this!

Honestly most parents would be horrified that there child has done this.

What?! Any adult that would say that about a 4 year old, especially one other SEN, is the “nasty little cunt”. What an abhorrent person.

Burgoo · 10/06/2022 13:13

Not a lot. Kids occasionally bite each other. They are trying to test the rules of what is and isn't okay. The school will have dealt with this many times. Just validate how unpleasant it was for your daughter.

@Soubriquet THAT is a bit more concerning. I wonder what s/he is seeing at home.

User3568975431146 · 10/06/2022 13:17

Nothing. It happens. The wee one that but her needs the help. My son was stabbed with scissors when he was 5, nothing needed to be done, the person who did it was dealt with my the school and his parents.

Jalepenojello · 10/06/2022 13:32

I wouldn’t do anything except have a quick chat with my child about it. The school are dealing with it

22N · 10/06/2022 13:44

I’m sorry your little girl was bitten, being bitten hurts a LOT. On the upside, the school seems to be handling it well. Your little girl needs to know that the grown ups are on her side, which they are. I know you’ll be feeling churned up. It sucks when our children are hurt.

My son had a knife pulled on him at school and the school didn’t even get in touch 🙄

RustyShackleford3 · 10/06/2022 13:46

I wouldn't do anything, except comfort my child if they are upset about it.

If it happened again, then I would do something more.

Fml1980 · 10/06/2022 13:54

ForestFae · 10/06/2022 13:12

What?! Any adult that would say that about a 4 year old, especially one other SEN, is the “nasty little cunt”. What an abhorrent person.

Show quote history

The parent wrote what happend but it was the witch hunt from others that had said the nasty stuff (most had never met him in there lives.
He was 4 ffs with sen, but regardless he was a very young child and it was quite upsetting.
I did have a word with the parent privately, I wouldn't dream of writing anything on Facebook about other people's young children.

Johnnysgirl · 10/06/2022 13:56

The school will not be telling you who it was. Your child might, but it's not relevant. What were you planning to do with this information?!