We have a one year old. My mum is very involved in looking after him, and has been very involved since he was born. She’s been a great support for us.
My MIL lives several hours away so we see her once every 6-8 weeks. I’ve always been conscious that she might feel left out with DS when my mum is so involved so whenever we visit, I let her do whatever she wants with him (eg take him for a walk when he should be napping, give him snacks when he shouldn’t have any, etc). It’s one weekend every couple of months or so not an issue in the grand scheme of things. I mention that because I don’t want it to seem like I’m controlling with DS around her!
DH wants us to visit for several weeks in the summer, as we can both work from home so have the flexibility of working elsewhere. DS is usually in nursery so obviously he won’t be if we stay with MIL in the summer. I mentioned the issue of childcare and he said his mum can look after DS while we work.
I raised some concerns about this. Firstly, she is about 15 years older than my mum so I worry she will find it exhausting to look after him all day, day after day. But my bigger concern is allergies. DS has an egg allergy. Not epipen level but he had a serious reaction in the past and is now on a now egg free diet, awaiting an appointment with the hospital to introduce the first step on the egg ladder.
MIL always forgets this. Last time we were there, she was going to give him a bowl of custard and also made dinner using fresh pasta. The time before, it was a quiche. I always check what she’s about to give him to make sure there are no eggs, but I fear that if I’m upstairs working and MIL gives him food, she will forget and give something that has eggs.
DH says I’m being unfair to not let his mum do what my mum does, but my mum doesn’t give him anything with eggs so I don’t need to worry.
I don’t quite know how to get DH on side without him thinking it’s an attack on his mum.