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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is it

11 replies

Defeatedbylife · 09/06/2022 21:25

Ive got such a shit life. Ive had enough of it,actually have completely gave up today.Physically and mentally im done with it.one of my children is severely disabled, i spend all the time hes home from school caring for his needs and while hes away im trying to catch up on 11 years if broken or no sleep. Ive got no qualifications,late 40s,no hobbies i can really give time too.i could try get a job in the few hours hes at school but im tired. We get respite and a few hours a week,but truth is its never enough.life isnt ever going to change. We're barely scraping by with my husbands single wage,i spend all my time alone or caring,no family help.i cant function without antidepressants and anxiety medication, wish i could take something stronger to numb my life, theres no joy.

OP posts:

Discovereads · 09/06/2022 21:34

I’m sorry OP, that sounds like a dismal existence. You need to get out of survival mode. Can I suggest you use the respite hours to do something for yourself that you enjoy? You need to take care of yourself. It can’t always be putting others first.

Migraineroundthebend · 09/06/2022 21:38

Oh lovely that's so awful to read 😢 I take it there's no other agencies or charities that could help?

Original poster

Defeatedbylife · 09/06/2022 21:38

Yes its survival mode,thats all im doing surviving,just.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 09/06/2022 21:40

I'm so sorry, OP, it sounds unrelenting and grim. How many other children do you have? How old is your severely disabled son?

I don't mean to speak out of turn but would you consider a full time residential placement? He might be able to come home for the weekends or something, and you all would be better able to cope with him for short periods when you've had time to rest and recuperate.

Original poster

Defeatedbylife · 09/06/2022 21:46

I can't consider a residential place,there's nothing near me,he cant speak, i couldn't just send him away

OP posts:

Inthesameboatatmo · 09/06/2022 21:53

Aww op that's crap . You can't go on like this. Could you get a little part time job around your husbands hours at all ? I know he works but is he pulling his weight re some care for your child and bits of housework? There are loads of upskill courses online funded by the government you could do .

Isitcake · 09/06/2022 21:54

You are amazing. You dedicate your whole life to another person.

I have worked in a sn school and have met so many parents like you. It is a crime that you are left to suffer as you are.

You need to get to the GP and talk to all the other services involved, you need help, support and better meds. You need to talk to a therapist so you can build a plan to get some semblance of life back.

It is so, so hard and you are doing your best and your best is brilliant. You just need to reach out for more support.

Keep being you, because you are amazing, even if you aren't the you that you want to be right now.

Original poster

Defeatedbylife · 09/06/2022 21:58

Hes a great husband, pulls his weight works so hard.when i was younger we were poor so the lure of earning at 16 was greater than an education, wish i hadnt made that mistake and got qualified in something to make me feel worthy of myself. Ive lived for other all my life

OP posts:

Frazzledmummy123 · 09/06/2022 22:29

Sending you big hugs!

Would you consider online study through the open university? I think they offer funding if you apply for it and are eligible for the funding criteria.
Or, could your husband watch your son an evening a week and let you do a hobby to get you out the house and meeting people?

Would you even consider longer respite care for your son? I don't mean for a few days, but even just a bit longer to yourself than what you are getting just now?

If you don't mind me asking, where is it you stay?

Original poster

Defeatedbylife · 10/06/2022 09:40

There's not lots of options,help and availability for families like mine.its such a hard way to live.its existing.

OP posts:

PonyPatter44 · 10/06/2022 20:38

It 8s a tough situation. If someone could wave a magic wand for you, though, what would you like? More help at home, or more respite, or someone to help look after your son while you study?

Would it be worth spending some time thinking about what small things might make a real difference to your life, and see if you can find a way to make one or two changes.

BTW, I know this isn't a popular opinion but getting a child into a residential placement isn't "sending them away". Its finding a place where they can learn to develop and grow as a person, and it can be HORRIBLY hard to do that as a parent, and hard for your child as well. Even a sort of "mid week boarding" set up might give you all a bit of a rest, and improve the quality of the time you spend together.

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