AIBU to leave note on downstairs loo??? (Warning: this isn't very pleasant, sorry!)

[feelsick22]

I've name changed because, well, this is utterly disgusting. But I don't know if I'm overreacting because I have way higher standards than DP when it comes to housework and can be "picky". But ..... well.... this is beyond anything I've come across before.

This morning I came downstairs and discovered (I'm not sure what the correct terminology is, sorry) - a large amount of spit just sitting in the downstairs toilet sink. (Sorry for the tmi but I'm not talking just a small amount like you spit out when you brush your teeth - but snotty spit, like when you have a cold). Sorry🤢

There's only DP or teen DD who left the house before me this morning and therefore one of them was responsible. I texted DD and, as predicted, got an instant reply of "urgh no way, of course it wasn't me".

So that leaves DP.

We all have horrible colds and throat infections at the moment, so I get that DP might have needed to cough something up. But for the love of god, he could have rinsed it away, right?!

Anyway. Like an idiot I picked up the bleach and began pouring it into the sink to clean it, but then I stopped and thought "no fucking way". I should not have to clean this up after him, surely. I'll pick up his dirty underwear off the floor and put his cups into the dishwasher, but this is another level of cleaning up after him! I was also almost gagging as it turned my stomach so much.

So I put down the bleach and instead I've left a sign on the door of the downstairs loo saying "OUT OF ORDER!! Until whoever spat in the sink cleans it! (disgusting)".

Teen DD is equally disgusted and thinks the note is entirely appropriate. But... I'm now wondering if it's a little passive aggressive? I am just SO angry and disgusted with him. He's never done anything this revolting before. So I wanted to make point when he comes home. But at the same time I don't want to be a dick about it.

AIBU?

If IABU I will remove said note before he gets home. But I'm still not cleaning it!!

Can't you just talk to him?

I would definitely tell him to sort it but also think the note is passive aggressive. However I’m guessing there is a backstory of him being extremely messy?

Totally not unreasonable. When I find skiddies in the loo, DS and DH are marched to the loo to clean it out before I perch my bum on the seat. No way am I cleaning off their poo 💩

I'm pretty so I would leave that note right where it is.

I also would ask DH for your maid fee of x a month, unless he suddenly feels able to pick up his own socks.

But as I said I'm petty

Sorry op, but do you not have anything else to worry about? It’s quite a fuss to make about phlegm in the sink.
Can’t you just ask your Dh if it was him?

Yes there is a backstory around me picking up after him time and time again. I'm sick to death of it. Empty wrappers here, nappies there (DD's - when he baths her for example I'll be the one to remove the nappy from the bathroom floor where he's left it) etc.

Just a bit confused as to why you haven't actually spoken to him about it...

My DP blows his nasals out in the shower !!!!!!!

I have had to tell him to go clean away the greenies in the shower -

this behaviour is not on.

@Cherrysherbet

Well by process of elimination I now know it's him. To be fair though I wrote the note in anger before I knew which one of them it was (but was fairly certain it wouldn't be teen DD!)

He's been at work all day

@Schmz

🤢 totally unacceptable

I must be a mug because I also sort this out regularly, too. 😩

It does sound like you’re the unpaid housekeeper op; he doesn’t seem like much of a catch

Why do you put up with this continuous disrespect?

What's wrong with telling him to clean it the fuck up?

If I came across this I would have a whatsapp a photo & some expletives

Is he out of contact when he is at work?

His standards seem lamentably low.
Is he your teenage daughter’s father?

I've had to go on strike for specific tasks too.

Cleaning up snot in the shower.
Cleaning up pee on the floor.
Cleaning up poo stains on the loo.
Emptying mugs stuffed with crisp packets, tissues, toothpicks.
Picking up charger cables so the robot hoover doesn't wreck them.

All were daily issues. Now, having tackled one at a time, he's actually a functioning adult and only needs occasional reminders. And I did it by getting him to deal with them. Every single time.

I didn't feel like I should have any additional mental load of remembering to speak to each of them (bearing in mind I didn't know which one of them it was at the time of the discovery!). So I thought fuck it, I'm leaving a note, I've got enough to do. Then happened to text DD about something else, and asked her within that text exchange. She instantly replied no way, course it's wasn't me (which tbh I did strongly suspect). So now I still have the angrily written note displayed on the door of the loo, ready for DP coming home shortly. Having calmed down ( a little), I'm not sure if leaving the note makes me a passive aggressive knob. But I'm angry and j think the note conveys that quite well so it would be a shame to dispose of it.🤷‍♀️

Yes

I was honestly tempted but 1) didn't want such a revolting photo on my phone. 🤢 and 2) he wouldn't have seen it til work finish time anyway.

YANBU. He is gross. Men are perfectly capable of cleaning; it's a choice when they don't pull their weight.

Stop doing the other things! He can start actually doing his share of the work.

DD's reply did make me laugh though: "urgh no way of course not", followed by another one "I'm not a camel 😤"

🤣🤣

He pulls his weight in other ways I guess.
He's a good Dad, he mucks in with childcare, bath time, bed times etc. He cooks. He just leaves a trail of crap wherever he goes, which I end up picking up.