I feel sad about this.
I’m 32 and I’ve had several relationships over the years and I’m in one now. We life together, not married and we have a child. But I don’t think we are in love or in fact possibly ever have been.
I’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD and realised my hyperfocus/dopamine hit over the years has always been relationships.
Mine always start the same, I’m quite obsessed with them and can think about nothing else, I’m addicted to them, go off my food etc. I always thought that was ‘love’ but it wears off after a couple of years, sometimes less and I’m on the look out for the next ‘high’ which comes from that initial lustful feeling.
I don’t think I’ve ever been in love properly.
Possibly when I was in my mid teens to my early twenties I thought I was, with one particular person, I still think I might have been, as the feelings, whatever they were, went on for about 6 or 7 years. Despite the fact it was never fully reciprocated, only a couple of brief things with him.
My current partner, we have a comfortable relationship, we do have a reasonably good sex life and he’s a great father. But I just don’t know if it is or ever has been real love.
Am I alone in feeling like this?