To want people to call me by the right name?

[DilemmaDelilah]

I find myself getting increasingly annoyed by the number of people at work who shorten my name and who don't pay any attention to the (very clear) signature at the bottom of my emails. My name has a long version, which I prefer to be called, and a commonly used shortened version, which is not what I want to be called. Think something like Suzanne being shortened to Suzie. I am working with some very senior people in my organisation so I don't feel able to correct them, especially has they have been calling me by the wrong name for a couple of weeks now. It's not soooo bad if it's just them, but they have now put it on a document which has been circulated amongst the senior team, so I think I may now be forever 'Suzie'. 😞

Channel your inner Bishop Brennan. Did you call me Suzie?

This sort of thing is very disrespectful. Unless perhaps your name is Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. Sometimes people shorten my name without asking or being invited to. It's not very long anyway but there is a quite common single short form for it. I will tolerate it once and say no I don't use that nickname. If they do it again I will start to judge them. People who do this over and over are in my experience usually tossers in other ways.

People shorten my name too and I really dislike it.

I usually just say, "I prefer Jessica, no one ever calls me Jess". Most people use my preferred name afterwards.

Once a guy who introduced himself to me as Tom told me he didn't see what the problem was given I never called him Thomas. Even after explaining that's because he introduced himself as Tom. I gave up. He calls me Jess, I ignore him mostly.

I have a name that people get wrong regularly - for example imagine my name was Thérèse - nice French name, not too unusual... but everyone calls me Theresa - nothing wrong with it just not my name... personally I find it rude because it makes me think that when you asked me for my name you didn't care enough to actually listen to me when i answered you.

Then when i worked n pubs I'd tell people my name and they'd mis hear entirely and call me Louise if they weren't calling me Theresa... so I called my self Terry so there are no issues and no one can piss me off.. but there are some people who hate using shortened names and make assumptions about what your name is and call you Theresa because they assume that Terry is short for Theresa and not Thérèse...

Or at work my email address is [email protected]. I sign my emails off as Terry, but signature says Thérèse Downton, Senior Manager of Amazingness* people still insist on calling me Theresa... I have reached a point where I do a PS to work emails that simply says

PS I am not Theresa, I am Thérèse or Terry.

I end that to anyone no matter how senior they are...

I also have a strange thing where people think I am called Jo - but no idea where that comes from

*not my real job title

I get the same at work. I'm a Victoria & I get called Vicky. I have never ever introduced myself as Vicky.
Even people outside of work call me Vicky. I give up 🤣

This is my life too. There is a name very like mine. Say Julia/Julie but not that. I get called the version that is more typical for my age group. What can you do. I correct people if it's important and I need them to know/use my actual name, but if the plumber calls me Julie and the toilet is fixed and he's leaving, then I let it go.

Some names like Victoria and Kenneth, I'd actually feel a bit self-conscious using the full name! That probably sounds nuts.

Weirdly I almost never get this problem, even though I have a long frilly first name that's about as unwieldy as Victoria, and the number of people who go by my unshortened name is far outweighed by people who either have my name and solely use one of the shorter versions, or have a given name that's the same as one of the shorter versions. I imposed my preference strongly as a child at school and with DP, but haven't had to correct anyone for many years. Very, very occasionally someone will ask if I use a shorter version, I say no, and that's that. I think it helps that I genuinely don't hear the shortened versions as my name, so perhaps there are people forlornly calling "Vicky!" after me every other day and I haven't noticed.

I work with a lady called Tanya (long a) and she is forever correcting people who call her Tan-ya. It must be really frustrating.

I go by my short name and only my mother calls me by the long version. In fact the rest of my family use a childhood nickname version. I’ll answer to all three but it does make me wince to be Elizabethed (not my real name but you get the idea) by anyone other than my mother.

I have a name that has a couple of shorter versions which I hate being called. But it's known at my work that I hate them. I just make a joke out of it if someone says do you mind if I call you x....

Just say, actually I don't get called that, I use my full name.

I do find it incredibly rude for someone to use a version of your name unless that's how you introduce yourself. Especially in an email where you can see how someone has signed it.

Depending on where in the country you are, might that partly be an accent thing? I have a northern English accent and might initially struggle to say Tanya with a long A without feeling like I was taking the piss. Like if an American introduced himself as Tyler, I'd feel like I was overly mimicking his rhotic accent if I pronounced the r.

@downtonupton , I was just about to post my similar experience. My name has variations that could end with an A or E, think Joanna / Joanne. So eg my name is Joanna, I have no issue with being called Jo, but please don't call me Joanne.

If you are not comfortable raising it then ask a nice colleague to purposefully ask you during the next team meeting

"Oh, I meant to check, do you prefer Pollyanna, Polly or Poll?'

You can then reply "Pollyanna please, thanks for asking" and everyone will know

Correct them. In certain circumstances using the wrong name or certain abbreviations is a low level form of discrimination or victimisation.

Like a pp I was called Ángela by my old Sales Director when that's not my name. I'm pretty sure he knew that wasn't my name.
I said "oh hi Martin!" in reply. His name is Mark. He never did it again.

Just tell them what you'd prefer. You can say "sorry, I should have said something when someone first said Suzie, but it was the middle of a meeting and it didn't seem the right time", so that they don't feel too embarrassed about it.

It can be difficult with some of the names that are very commonly shortened. I regularly work with new people, online, and I always assume I should use the name I've been given until/unless they sign themselves with a shortened version. I get frustrated with Benjamins and Christophers who never sign their emails, because I suspect that frequently I'm sticking to a name they never use!

I have this in reverse. I started a new job 1 year ago and like to be called by my shortened name yet so many people still call me my full name, it makes me feel like I'm in some sort of trouble hearing it. It's more forgivable though as my email address is my full name.
I think it is rude that people at your work are shortening your name as they wont have seen the shortened version anywhere so are technically creating a name for you!

I'm also Joanne (which is not short for Joanna) yet half the people at Tennis club call me Joanna.
And those that manage Joanne spell it JoAnn as the other woman who almost shares my name spells it that way.
Apart from one woman who calls me Jenny...

Email back and say please call me Suzanne in future.