Toddler behaviour with parents vs others

[Purplelemon7]

Hi

Wondering if others have experienced toddlers behaviour being different with parents vs other caregivers?

My 3 year old son goes to nursery part time and has a nanny part time and I find his behaviour is much better with them. For example the nanny can get him to sit on the potty, sit at his table to eat etc. Nursery are also happy with his behaviour and when I asked if he has tantrums if he doesn’t get what he wants (with us it’s usually juice, cake bars, wanting a third or fourth helping of fruit) they were really surprised. With us he often refuses to do what he’s told and has so much stamina for whinging isle he doesn’t get what he’s asked for. The potty part is frustrating me as he totally refuses to try it with me but will do it when the nanny asks.

I’ve tried to see if the nanny is doing something differently but I really can’t figure it out. He spends a fair bit of time with grandparents too and his behaviour is the same as it is with us parents.

It's not uncommon for kids to misbehave for parents/carers but be better behaved with others. I see it a lot with my DS1, and we see and hear of it a lot at school with students who are quiet and well behaved at school, but parents say they act out as soon as they get home after holding it in all day

It's totally normal or children of all ages to respond differently to carers that aren't their parents.

I've been a childcare professional for over 40yrs and this has always been the case. I've had children in my care who won't eat, sleep, or behave for their parents doing all of those things with ease for me.

Personally I think it's because the carer doesn't have the same emotional pull as a parent, and/or that parents are more likely to 'give in' for a quiet life.

@nokidshere Yes I’ve wondered if we do give in too easily, especially when it comes to asking for juice etc. He does have a lot of stamina for whinging and crying but maybe we should ride it out.

With refusing to listen, I don’t know what to do. I really need to continue with the potty training over the weekends but he just never agrees to sit on it when we ask.

For about 3 months DD was using the potty, and then the toilet, at nursery perfectly, no accidents etc. but flatly refusing to at home. She'd just hold her wee in and then insist on a nappy and get really upset if we tried to get her to use the potty/toilet. I was worried about UTIs she was holding it so long.

One day she just started doing it at home but it was bloody annoying when she wouldn't.

Its been said on here before that parents can be the safe space where littlies can let go of their stress, do what they actually feel the need to do and so on....

Normal (I hope).

DD is nearly 2 and is clearly much better behaved at nursery and when looked after by her grandparents.

Its most obvious at bedtime. She’s a good sleeper but it can 60-90 minutes (sometimes longer) to actually get her to go to sleep. In the meantime we have a routine of faffing around, playing, singing, all to avoid actually going to sleep.

When we left her for the first time overnight with my parents we were really concerned about this. However, my mum put her down and she went to sleep immediately and slept through. The same with her other grandparents and has been replicated every time she’s stayed there since, so it’s not a one off!

Our son is exactly the same. You need to put your foot down and have it out with him. You know for a fact he's capable of behaving so he's just playing you.

@3amAndImStillAwake Yes exactly the same here. He will just hold wee for as long as possible and then wet himself. I feel like our inability to continue the potty training over the weekends is making in impossible due to lack of continuity. So annoying when I have seen him sit on the potty for 15 mins when nanny has asked him to!