To ask if things ever get better?

[NCed2Help]

Dramatic perhaps, but I'm due on and just feeling a bit shit and sorry for myself.

So AIBU to ask if life ever gets a bit better/easier?

Background: Work 30 hrs, and a second casual job which is probably about 5 hrs a week on an evening at home. Retraining (Masters) to try and earn more money in the future. DH works full time, decent wage (30k). One DD age 22months, would like 1 more DC in the next 4/5 years.

My AIBU is that:

• I feel unwell all of the time. Every month I have a cold or lose my voice! I am tired all of the time. Despite the fact that DD generally sleeps well if she's not unsettled/unwell.

• Car is still getting paid off but isn't a new fancy one just a simple 8 year old car, finish payments next March.

• we are just constantly broke with nursery fees and bills and food and petrol etc.

• and to top it off my self esteem (which used to be iron clad) is suffering as I'm 2 stone overweight and cannot for the life in me shift it!

I would love another child but I've hated every minute of being broke, and tired. And I wonder if I'm just weak. It's challenged my whole perception of myself as I was previously on track for a good career path and earning much more than I do now, I was never unwell, I was slimmer, I looked better, i felt smarter, I was happier.

I'm just feeling meh. And doubting my ability to retrain and manage everything. I feel a bit pathetic truth be told.

Yes it does. The endless nursery bugs do eventually improve as your immunity gets used to them. See your GP and request tests in case you have an underlying reason for the low mood and weight gain- many women develop an under active thyroid after childbirth.

The finances will gradually improve when you get funded hours and maybe your masters will offer you more options.

We we’re MUCH more broke than you sound at the same stage and within several years our situation improved vastly.

I still need to shift half a stone. 😊

Have you spoken to your doctor, OP? Weight gain/low immunity/low mood... sounds like it could be something.

2 things:

You're not just 'weak'. Now's the time to be really nice to yourself. If a friend told you she felt the way you do, would you say to her 'Perhaps you're just weak'? I doubt it, because it's quite cruel. You're being cruel to yourself. Stop! Have a bit of sympathy and understanding.

Do lovely things for yourself. What would make today easier? What would make this hour easier? Do those things. Make your daily life as little as a battle as possible. For example, can you do anything about the car repayments, or do you just need to wait, and it'll resolve itself? If you just need to wait, then don't worry. It's a waste of your energy, and is, in fact, a problem that is already solved. Let yourself off the hook.

Eh? You are working practically full time with a small child whilst doing a masters. Holy God. Look in the mirror, literally, and see a hero.

It does get easier but I think you need to do one thing to set a course for the better. One thing can be whatever you choose. E.g. Drink more water, take more care of your skin, start yoga, walk daily. Once you do one positive thing, other aspects of your life may start to fall in line. I do a yoga app. Can be set to 5 mins or an hour. If I do this I just feel better. When I feel better, I eat better, when I eat better I feel more healthy and so on. Good luck op. Be kind to yourself. You have a lot on your plate. Your iron clad self esteem is still there. You just need to remember who you are.

....if you don't like being constantly ill and skint you might not like having another kid. It costs £100,000s to raise a person till it's 18 (not including uni fees that parents have to pay), can you afford another one? Sounds grim.

Thank you all, for your kind words. I'm going to have a cup of tea and try and not stress myself out. Work is just hectic at the moment and I do condensed hours so it seems crazier than it used to. I know I am incredibly lucky in many other ways so need to focus on that.

With regards to a doctors check, yes, I need to sort one out but I just keep forgetting! I've had an alert on my phone for the past 3 weeks to address my physical health but also to seek support for a potential neurodiverse query. I think my 'mask' is slipping and as such life is seeming harder than it ever has. If I don't ring up by 8am I can't get an appt and obviously I end up doing other child related stuff so forget every morning ! 🫣

@Spohn Ah yes, that is true but surely things are just a tiny bit easier financially (I hope?!)

One more thing, listen to Just One Thing by Dr Michael Moseley on BBC R4. It’s only 15 minutes per episode and most of his suggestions are completely simple…breathe better for example. Taking a nap!

Just One Thing