Buyer requests refund on ebay - underhand?

[AnneShirley18]

I'm not sure why I'm so wound up by this but i can't sleep so here goes.
I sold some clarks shoes on ebay -in excellent condition. UK size 8 ladies.
A potential buyer messaged:could you tell me if these are 41 or 42? I said I dont know. I just know they're a generous UK size 8.
That person won the bid. They asked if I would be so kind as to post them next day as they needed them ASAP. I went out of my way to accommodate.
Cut to today where I get a refund request. ZERO niceties. Straight in with a request because the item was not as described and buyer was disappointed to be misled by inaccurate "generous" description. Shoes do not fit.
I dunno. I just feel really hurt. There is an implication that I've been underhand which I don't appreciate. Buyers have commented in the past that I do myself a disservice by being overly descriptive when my items are great. I'm just a private seller not a business. Anyway she is fixated on the word "generous" in that message we exchanged. It's kind of subjective I suppose (surely she knows that too) but they are. If asking if they are a 41 or 42 I would say that since an 8 equates to 42 in the clarks size guide then they are a 42. Therefore, the more generous of the 2. When I used the word generous I also couldn't have known what the buyer was after when she asked 41 or 42. She could have wanted the smaller or the larger end of the scale. I simply gave a judgement so there could have been no attempt to deceive on my part. Clarks shoes do vary in size. It is a gamble buying them on ebay. I've been caught out before. I never considered it the sellers fault though, I simply sucked it up and resold them.
Basically ebay won't refund if something doesn't fit but they will if it's deemed to be an inaccurate description or pic. I believe she is being underhand so refund is more likely.
What upsets me is, ebay usually sides with buyer. Also what upsets me is that I went out of my way for her and actually if she'd sent me a nice message, we could have come to an agreement.
YABU: you wanted to fob off tiny ill fitting shoes on someone unsuspecting for the princely sum of £7
YANBU: she is being underhand and unreasonable

I get how you feel; I recently sold one of DHs sweaters which he wore maybe once. Buyer complained that I hadn’t mentioned the ‘extensive bobbling’ and demanded I refund. I have ‘no refunds’ on listing but didn’t want negative feedback so asked for it back and refunded,
I re listed and the new buyer was delighted, said it was in excellent condition, which it was.
I have sold a lot on eBay over the years and have had a couple of non arrivals. Use the proof of postage from the Post Office.

Contest it with eBay OP. I’ve had this before (but with a PlayStation 4 that I was selling for my son) when the buyer tried to get a refund then claimed the item hadn’t arrived. I was like a dog with a bone as it became a matter of principal and I won! Victory was very sweet!

Meant to say I felt quite slighted by the complaint even though I knew it was unjustified!

Not that I sell much but I too got pissed off with buyers from Ebay. I am really careful about the quality of things that I sell but some people are just not very nice. I too have found vinted people much friendlier and genuine*

• true at the time of my writing this :)

If they are marked 42, then don't add that 'they are a generous 42'
There are CFs.

I've had requested returns not actually received.

If the description is correct, you don't need to refund

I got a refund request a few days ago with sipmly ‘doesn’t fit’, also no words of explanation, no actual message from buyer, just an automated ebay message ‘buyer has requested a refund; reason: doesn’t fit’. I was selling brand new item with tags and also a full description and several photos.
ebay then automatically put the funds on hold, and told me to refund the buyer as soon as i receive the item. I have never had this before. Is this a new ebay thing that you can just return stuff if you don’t like it? If so i won’t bother with selling on ebay anymore.

@Savoury no, not from Cumbria. Seems the scamming reaches the four corners of UK. Sorry your got burned too.

Unfortunately she says they're too small. 😕

Shoes are definitely as stated but she is picking out the word "generous" from a message exchange. Sly

I didn't. I said I didn't know. I knew they were a uk size 8 and were generous.

Thank you to all who replied. Such s shame that so many have experienced the same thing. Glad to know I'm not unreasonable but sad that I'm not alone in being let down. Thanks for Vimted recommendation, I will look into for sure as the percentage ebay take is a bit ridiculous now.

Ebay is bollocks.
I had one buyer say an item hadn't arrived and launch a dispute. She then put "received" in the feedback but didn't close the dispute so I paid for her to have a free pair of shoes.
Also another who bought some.matrrnity shirts which I wore all.through my huge pregnancy. She said they were not maternity (they were they were new look maternity and said so on the lable) because they didn't have elastic waist.
She asked for a.refund of the 2 pounds so I told her to wash her bloody car with them and gave her the refund.
So annoying.

Had something similar this week. Sold a dress for all of £10 and the buyer wanted a refund as it was too short! It's calf length on me so didn't describe it as maxi!

Message sent today:
I have several Clarks shoes in size 8/42. I specifically enquired if they were eu 41 or 42, as 42 is generally, but not always, an accurate 8 by Clarks. I would not have purchased without clarification, which is why I enquired. I was assured they were a "generous" size 8. They are not. I can provide photos of them compared against other Clarks size 8, which show that these are much smaller...not "generous" at all.

Grrrr 😡
Well, as long as she can send be pictures of them held up against other shoes ....that proves everything 🙄to clarify I'm being sarcastic in case she uses this as evidence. She's got form

Yes 'fit' never used to be valid. It was responsibility of buyer to use size guide or own judgement. Very frustrating.

£2? So irritating. Yep ebay are definitely making selling not worth the bother.

She wanted them asap. They were for an event, she’s worn them and wants her money back.
wouldn’t give it another thought.
would avoid subjective descriptions in future, though. Size 8, end of.

Urgh. I didn't realise how rife this was!

Yes I've lost a ton of money on ebay due to this and its so disheartening, especially when you put that extra effort in. I haven't used ebay in years now and i sell on Facebook, if they want me to post it's bank transfer only. If it loses me the odd sale due to people not comfortable with not using PayPal it's no big deal as another buyer will be along.

I am an Anne of Green Gables fan @AnneShirley18, it must be within the last two years that I re-read it - again!

However, the "LadyofShalott" reference comes from a time when I was rather pregnant, and my DH at the time had recently told me that he was leaving me. A few days later I was at an ante-natal appointment waiting to see a consultant, and I was on an examination couch, flat on my back, my long hair flowing around me (that sounds more romantic than my long hair was - just - laying around me 🤭), when a consultant walked in, as soon as he saw me he quoted the last few lines from the poem "The Lady of Shalott", by Alfred Tennyson.

"But Lancelot mused a little space
He said "She has a lovely face;
God in his mercy lend her grace,
The Lady of Shalott."

I don't know if you know the poem, I hadn't until I looked it up in the library straight after my appointment. I have never looked up any notes that might explain the poem, as I loved it for what it meant to me, not for how any literary academics might interpret it, or even Tennyson himself, if he ever commented on it.

I found out that she lived on the Island of Shalott, but had a curse hanging over her, although she didn't know what it was. Then my interpretation of the poem is that as soon as she sees Sir Lancelot she falls in love with him (because of the curse?), but realises that he is in love with another - Queen Guinevere. The Lady of Shalott leaves her Island by a boat and the curse means that she is dying:

"Down she came and found a boat
.....

She loosed the chain, and down she lay;
The broad stream bore her far away,
The Lady of Shalott.
.....

Till her blood was frozen slowly,
And her eyes were darkened wholly,
Turn'd to tower'd Camelot.
.....

Singing in her song she died,
The Lady of Shalott.

The Dr saying the few lines at the end of the poem had quite a profound affect on me. Thirty plus years ago I did not view it in the same way that young women these days might. I can imagine if I came on to Mumsnet today, in 2022, saying that a Dr at my ante-natal appointment quoted those lines to me while I was laying there, pregnant, vunerable and upset (but not visibly upset), the Dr may be accused of misogyny, and behaving inappropriately. But they were exactly the right words to say, to me at that time.

I had been feeling suicidal since my exDH told me he was leaving me for an OW, and even though he hadn't left yet (he kept on changing his mind), I was very scared that I wouldn't be able to cope, or ever feel happy again without him. I was very much in love with him, and I was probably feeling particularly vunerable as I was in the 3rd trimestre of my pregnancy. I had actually told myself that once the baby was safely born I could kill myself, as my then DH and his mistress promised me that they would bring our baby up and look after her. At that time I almost convinced myself that they would be much better parents to her than I could ever be.

I 'knew' that I was useless, so wouldn't be able to take care of my children, I 'knew' that I was ugly, fat, and undesirable (otherwise he wouldn't be leaving me) so I would never find another man who would love me. My whole 'raison d'être' at that time, and since I was a child, was to be a wife and mother, which I 'knew' that I now couldn't be. So in my mind, at that time, I nearly convinced myself that any children I had would be better off without me as an influence in their lives.

I am eternally grateful for the support my wonderful and exceptional mother gave me at that time, and until very sadly she developed dementia. I truly hope that my support for her managed to show my DM how much I loved her, and how important she was to me. I am also still very grateful to the GP I had then - he was by far the best GP I have ever had - he didn't even meet me until the evening my exDH broke his terrible news to me, and yet he was so caring, and as far as I am concerned he went way above what anyone should reasonably expect a GP to do.

That brings me back to the Gyny consultant at 'that' appointment; I have, and want to, give him credit for giving me the initial nudge of hope, hope that I couldn't actually be that disgusting, if a Dr (who I had also never met before) could walk into a room, see a women with an enormous belly laying on the couch (baby was 9lbs when born), and immediately quote a poem to her that said "She has a lovely face..."

Looking back on it now, the midwives already knew about my state of mind, and why, so they probably prepped the Dr, or he may have read my notes - they used to do things like that in those days - therefore he probably used the technique on me, that he would have already used on others who were in similar circumstances. Thankfully I didn't think of that at that time. So 'if' he was somehow being misogynistic and inappropriate, I certainly don't think he meant to be, and I didn't take it like that, although to be brutally honest, in the 1980's I had not heard about the concept of misogyny.

Oh dear, @AnneShirley18 I am so sorry for ending up giving you a long (in the telling of) chunk of my life history, you only wanted to know if you were being unreasonable at not giving that cheeky so and so a refund, which took me about 2 seconds to answer by pressing on the button that No, YWNBU to not give her a refund. Unfortunately. I think you cooked your own goose when you mentioned Anne of Green Gables and my username ☺️ so please, have some 💐💐💐 for enduring my reply - I am so embarrassed 😳🙈

I’m dealing with this exact situation now and have read up on it (2 decades of eBay but the rules change).

Be perfectly polite and ask the buyer to open an “item not as described case” with eBay. Don’t just refund, unless you want to to get it over with as quickly as possible. A lot of business sellers do this, if the transaction isn’t worth their time that’s why that’s written as general advice.

When the case is opened, accept the return and pay for return postage. Chancers like these hope you’ll just issue the refund and not want the item back, it happens A LOT.

Call up eBay customer services (open chat and ask for call back, they called me within 1min) and explain your good reputation, consistent positive feedback history and that you are concerned about losing out on an INAD case when you have described the item accurately with multiple photos. They may refund you the fees and postage so you haven’t lost out (at their discretion).

There is no point trying to “win” against the buyer, eBay protects the buyer experience and will refund them. They can track patterns of taking advantage though which is why I would always ask them to open an INAD case and then call up eBay to make sure I don’t have a defect or lost out financially.

Wow! @TheLadyofShalott1 You've been through a lot. What a story! It has everything - hope and despair but above all hope! You are amazing. I'm so sorry you went through all that. Glad you came out the other side. The human spirit will triumph especially if they have even the support of one fantastic person. So sorry about your mum. You sound lovely with lots to offer and your self worth undoubtedly shouldn't be wrapped up in such a horrid excuse for a man. I'm sure you were beautiful, lying there like a Pre-Raphaelite painting. I'm glad his words raised you up in that moment and you were able to carry them with you. The power of literature and the kindness of strangers!

I know and love the poem and first heard it in Anne of Green Gables as a primary school child. There started a love affair with poetry . My sister is an artist and forced me to lie in a bath for three hours while she painted me as the lady. When a poem or song captures you it is such a powerful thing. To say it to yourself can be so grounding and steadying, like a prayer.

I hope you're okay. Curious as to why you were awake so late at night. Hope you wernt struggling with something xx

Thank you @BakeOffRewatch this is really useful advice.

I had the opposite a few months ago.

Won an item, decent price but not cheap. Paid immediately by PayPal and messaged asking for an address to collect. Radio silence for 3 days when, as DH and I predicted she reappeared and shock horror, it had been STOLEN from her garden.

Well, blimey, says I. This is complicated as I've paid for it, so it's my item thats been stolen. Can I have a crime number please from your local Police? At this point she got a little defensive.

Either way, I didn't get my item, but made sure to leave a negative with the words "X Item was STOLEN after I won it" Don't think she dares to try and relist now 😂