To worry that my baby is "aggressive" and "bad-tempered"?

[BonsaiShade]

I know, he's not. He's just a baby but somehow today it's been bothering me so I'm hoping you'll all tell that me that I'm unreasonable and that this is perfectly normal baby behaviour and that my sweet little boy is not going to end up being a violent bully.

So ds is 10 months old and ever since he's started crawling a few weeks ago (or maybe it's got nothing to do with that) he gets really angry if he doesn't get what he wants (ie if I don't let him crawl where he wants to, don't let him have what he wants to or don't feed him quickly enough). He cries in this really angry, annoyed manner. I know all babies are different but I don't remember my DD ever getting angry as a baby. Upset and sad, yes, but not angry. As long as he gets what he wants he is a really happy aNd cheerful little boy.

I'm also worried a bit about his relationship with DD. She's five and adores him. She loves giving him cuddles but as soon as she gets close to him he pulls her hair as hard as he can. He's really strong. He pulls out strands of them. Sometimes he'll actively try to crawl to her to pull at her hair and gets annoyed if I don't let him. She's being really patient. She doesn't get angry. Just screams and laughs (maybe that's what eggs him on?)

He's also started getting upset if I give DD a hug. He very quickly crawls to me and cry and insist on being picked up, which I do think at this age is normal.

But sometimes I just feel he doesn't like her very much. He used to laugh at her antics but he's stopped doing that now. He either ignores her, tries to pull her hair or sort of looks at her angrily.

Writing it all down it does sound like typical baby behaviour to me. Best probably excited about being able to crawl and wants to scale every new frontier. To go where no baby has gone before. And then gets upset if I don't let him.

It's just I haven't seen other babies get really angry before. Toddlers yes, but not babies (or maybe I'm just comparing him to DD too much).

Also, is there anything I can do to help the kids' relationship at this early stage? I used to worry about DD feeling jealous and left out and maybe naively assumed that the baby would be fine as he's never been on his own.

I think you're projecting. He's a baby.

Yes, that's my hope. I'm super tired today, which always makes me anxious. So I'd be very happy to hear that I'm just being silly and this is normal behaviour for a healthy, active and inquisitive baby.

He’s just a baby. Poor little thing, let him
be.

I think your worrying over nothing, all sounds pretty normal and he grow out of it! I would reassure your DD he’s just a baby still and he loves her very much

I realise I forgot to add what the votes mean though it's probably obvious:

Yabu: this is perfectly normal behaviour and he will grow up to be a kind and helpful boy (unless you screw him up by over analysing and misinterpreting every tiny little normal action)

Yanbu: my baby was like this and ten years later he's beating up all the neighbourhood kids.

I wouldn't worry about your DS disliking your DD. But it does sound like your DS does want all of your attention which is normal, you are pretty much his whole world right now. I believe he is still too young to understand that hair pulling hurts. He should grow out of it.

When my DD was a baby/toddler her go to emotion was anger/frustration as well. She still has her moments, but it's more controlled now.

If it helps OP my little boy went through a real hard hair pulling/biting phase at that age. He would only ever bite me (I assume because I am much squishier than his Dad to bite!). He would really yank my hair and DH’s too. It was really getting me down at one stage but he is now the most cuddly affectionate 2 year old.

I sure this is normal! However, it may make you feel better to know I have experienced similar thoughts with my second baby - like yours, my first only got upset not angry. My second baby can get really cross as times and when he does kind of hits out with his arms as of trying to scratch me or his older brother.

Both of mine were difficult babies, they screamed (a LOT) rather than cried, and I often thought they seemed to be furiously angry. It’s hard 💐
Both are now perfectly normal, bright, lovely teenagers.

Yes that does help!!

Thank you everyone for the reassurance!!

Your DD never had an opportunity to display this sort of behaviour, because (I assume from your post) she is the eldest and so there was no "competition" for your attention. So you can't really compare. But FWIW, I would say that this sounds totally normal to me.

My mum has told me (many times...) that I had a terrible phase at around this age. I went from being the most placid baby ever to being perpetually furious for months, apparently. My sister, who is ten years older than me, remembers me getting so angry and frustrated when I was crawling that I self-harmed by banging my head on the floor. Also, my mum kept a baby book in which she has listed the first ten things I learned to say ... and one of them was 'go away' 😳

However, the whole family agrees that once I'd got through my phase of constant rage, I was actually an angelically well-behaved and affectionate toddler, so don't worry! Your son will not become a monster.

(I do still want people to go away most of the time, but I keep that largely to myself...)