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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be signed off?

3 replies

WestEndGirl222 · 08/06/2022 22:20

I've worked for my company for a long time and we had a restructure which resulted in my role changing a few months back. I had a really crap start as the person handing over went off sick and I basically didn't get a handover and what they left was a mess for me to sort out. We've also had a lot of changes in processes, I've got a new manager, multiple new stakeholders etc. It's been a struggle to get going with it all and quite stressful, but I was making improvements and optimistic things will get better.

We then got told that a huge piece of work we do annually is being done earlier this year and it's added an enormous amount of pressure and stress, especially as I'm still trying to learn the new part of my job and, in a nutshell, I feel totally overwhelmed and I just can't cope with the amount of work. I'm also expected to do my usual day to day work as normal, but it's too much for one person.

I'm a resiliant person and used to some level of stress and extra hours but can usually take those back as time off in lieu, that just is not happening and I'm consistently working extra hours. I increased my hours with the restructure to full time and it's going beyond that. I'm also supposed to do flexible hours with a few days off a month, but it's not happening so stuff at home is not getting done and adding to my stress. Outside of work, I have a busy life with children etc. - as do most people, I'm not special, but I mean it's being affected by working extra hours and the stress.

A few weeks ago, it all got too much and I totally freaked out and had a panic attack. Since, I've not been sleeping - waking in the middle of night worrying - so really tired. My chest tightens and I have heart palpitations. I'm really irritable and tearful. I've snapped at my children and husband, then feel awful after (as I should!!!). I can't seem to concentrate properly with work and get brain fog. I feel like I'm on the verge of having another panic attack when work starts coming in.

I'm not eating breakfast or lunch properly, sometimes don't get a shower until the evening and not being able to exercise either. One week, I didn't leave the house for 5 days.

I spoke to my manager at the time of the panic attack but they haven't really given any support or mentioned it since. I'm a proud person and it took a lot for me to admit to work that it happened (I know I shouldn't be but I feel embarrassed and weak and worried about their opinion of me/impact on future career). It was serious enough for me to bring it up but doesn't feel they have taken it as seriously.

This week has been really bad and I just feel I can't cope or go on like this. I have a doctor's appointment as worried about the chest pains but I'm wondering if they'll try and sign me off.

AIBU to be signed off? I'm worried about what work will think of me and also would feel incredibly guilty about whoever has to pick up my work.

I also don't know what to do longer term. Ok being signed off will give me a break but then what? I'm not sure anything will change. I could look for a new job but not sure I'd get same salary & package, flexible hours and working from home with occasional office days (which really suits our family). I just don't know what to do or what the answer is and never been in this situation before.

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 08/06/2022 22:29

You need to talk to your doctor asap. If they think you are too unwell to work, they will sign you off. If not, not. They are the ones who get to decide, not your manager and not random strangers on the internet.

Danikm151 · 08/06/2022 22:31

You work to live not live to work.
you aren’t living at the moment, just struggling to get through.

mental illness is still an illness. People at work may grumble but you are looking after your health- that comes first.
ask fir a phased return and advise HR what support you need.

your predecessor probably had the same issues.

polkadotpup · 08/06/2022 22:44

I could have written this word for word and I don't say that lightly.
It's a theme. Companies wanting more for less.
It's a job seeker's market. If you're doing full time I bet there's another role out there for you which has similar benefits. A lot of places now give flexi/ home working and you aren't getting that good a deal right now.
If you feel so bad then yes you might need a bit of time off to reassess and get your cv ready to look at your options.
Take cake. Life is too short to waste on work

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