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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you can self advocate and prioritise yourself

3 replies

RoomC · 08/06/2022 14:28

When your children need so much support?
Separated mother of three.Children and I were absolutely destroyed after he walked out having had an affair under my nose.
Same old story.... wanted a wife and kids , just didn't want to be a husband and father .
A story as old as time.

I am a shell of who I was. Sad, exhausted, drinking too much, overweight, run ragged.
My children have very little respect for me. I constantly give in for an easy life as two have SN. A late teenager with a horrible attitude and zero help around the house or with siblings.
Some days I'd prefer not to wake up.

Anyway I've sought therapy for me , loads of therapy for my kids and am still in the fog.
The children's child psychologist and I had a good long chat today.

She is absolutely determined that I do a parenting course based on my needs and
My boundaries and being a firm but kind parent .
I hate shouting, stress, discord. We've had that for 15 years with exh so because my soul is dead and I can't see much point in going on besides my kids needing me, I do let them away with too much.

Don't get me wrong, there is a lot of love in the home. When the chips are down we are a team and ar e supportive of each other . There is a lot of affection and fun too but tbh we are all damaged and delicate after living with an abusive , unhappy, disinterested ,
verbally aggressive bully.
Their child psychologist believes that
My son(12) is totally manipulating me as he likes to control what I do, where I go and who I see. He is capable and well able to be left alone but shadows me and would do so 24/7 if he could
.
He knows what buttons to press a
So even when he's away from me and with his dad ,he rings And texts continuously ,
Crying Down the phone about having no friends( he does) everyone mean to him ( they're not) being fat and unfit( he will not do anything to help himself here despite all our best efforts)

I'm so worn.

Can this type of
thinking turn this around for me ?
Putting myself first, strengthening up and being firm with boundaries? I will find this very difficult. I'm afraid of the fall out .

OP posts:
Gagagardener · 19/04/2023 11:39

No idea but bumping for traction and to send good wishes. That sounds very hard.

DrManhattan · 19/04/2023 11:43

That is so much to deal with. You have to look after yourself so you can look after others. Dont feel bad for taking some time to process what's has happened and to plan a way forward. Xx

DrManhattan · 19/04/2023 11:44

** just noticed this is a zombie thread!

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