Key parts of life missed

[Daysofwineandroses]

I met Dh when we were 17, early forties now.
I feel I missed out on quite a lot of major life events-I ended up staying at home and going to uni, rather than taking a place away. I didn’t go on girls holidays or flatshare with friends, I didn’t do the gap year away. I was offered a job with an airline and turned it down as I’d be based in London (originally from the North)
I never had proper relationships with other men (silly things when very young, but never long term or lived with them etc)
Ive also never lived alone.

I wish somebody had said to me at the time that I should’ve gone away to uni, should’ve spread my wings a little.

Ive travelled the world with Dh and live abroad, I have a degree and have had a career, now have a child.

Aibu to feel I missed out on most people’s rites of passage when young?

I went away to uni and found it really difficult. I didn't really find people easily who I felt an affinity with and felt pretty lonely as I was also 6hrs from home.

I've noticed as me and my friends have headed into our 40's that those who didn't meet the right person- so haven't ended up having children are finding that really hard. I'm sure they would choose your situation over theirs despite huge amounts of freedom 😢.

(I had a lot of fun times and travelled, lived in lots of house shares and settled down in my very late 20's. Out of all my life nothing comes close to having my children. The other things although fun, feel superficial in comparison (to me- purely my experience.)

This is such a good point!

Why not move in with some students over the summer? That'll soon put you straight.

Never did uni, girlie hols or flat shares, was married, 2 sons, 1 Aspergers , nightmare education wise.
divorced 21 years and wish I had met someone and remarried ( seems lots do) seems unlikely at 60, mainly few regrets

I mean, lots of people miss out on something - childhood, marriage, kids, weight, money, travel, health, career, friends, sex… this site wouldn’t exist if they didn’t. It sounds like you’ve got lots of great stuff going on. No one gets everything they want, and you know if you had done things different earlier, then things might have turned out differently and you’d be regretting something else..

You've described so many people's lives. Gap years, flat shares, etc are big in Britain but not necessarily everywhere. Where I am from, what you have described's the norm and people would envy you for finding the right partner from the start.
Having said that, it's human to compare yourself with others so no judgement here.

I thought you were going to say you’d never left where you grew up, married your childhood sweetheart etc.. not that you’ve travelled the world with him & now live abroad! I think you’re just ‘grass is greener’ thinking.. you’ve had some great adventures! Just waited a while that’s all. Some people don’t ever leave home and spend their whole lives on a few streets! X

I didn't meet my DH till much older and did go to university, but still haven't done gap years/girlie holidays/flat shares, so I don't think these are as much a universal 'right of passage' as you think.

Whenever I find myself wanting to change the past, it normally means I'm not happy with where I am. Maybe you need to make some changes?

You can't change the past, but you can change the future.

I was troubled with mental ill health from the age of 15, i'm now 32. I didn't complete highschool, didn't go to college or uni. I've never been to a club or on a night out, never been to a houseparty, i've never been drunk. Never been on a girls holiday (didn't have actual friends i knew in person since leaving highschool, all been online friends) only started my first relationship 20 months ago, subsequent first kiss about 6 months after we started dating and 2 months after we started seeing eachother in person. stayed somewhere overnight for the first time since my last girly sleepover at 15 last friday, when i stayed at dp's the first time (still nothing sexual as i sadly had spotting and a uti).
I get a mix of jealousy and sadness often when he just mentions random things from his past, like the time X happened at college, or Y happened at a houseparty. I missed out on SO much, all of the typical teenage rites of passage going from school age to adult, even first hangover! I've never lived with a partner, not sure when that is even on the horizon as we both live with a parent due to health issues and not being able to work (me since 16, him only last 3 years) Friday last week was literally the first time we'd even been home alone as his mum has a lot of health issues but was staying with family for the jubilee weekend. It was the most "normal" weekend of my entire adult life, and while it was good, it did leave me feeling so, so left out of life. I lost my mum when i was 20, and her entire family abandonned me when she died because of my health issues and not being "normal" so my circle has basically just been my dad, my sister, and online strangers all my life. I can only hope that he gets well enough to work, then hopefully with the contribution of half of my benefits (half will have to go to my dad for him to get by as he retired in his late 40's to care for me) we might be able to rent somewhere together, otherwise one of us would have to move in with the other and their parent to ever live together. Having a family together is an almost certain not possibility, unless again, he gets well enough to work or we move in to one of our parents place together. I am embarrassed and frustrated to still be a virgin at 32, even if it is purely for health reasons, and sad it didnt happen on our only weekend alone together for the foreseeable, but i don't regret at all that i haven't had, or hopefully wont have, more than one partner.