Needing help 'paying it forward'

[Ozlonger]

In a big supermarket this afternoon, I saw a couple with a boy aged about 7, going rigorously through the bargain shelves... later, they were behind me in the queue. I notice that mum n dad both looked quite downcast, son quite polite and helpful to his parents, and that every item of their meagre shopping is stickered as on or past sell by date.
As I'm receiving my change, I lean into and around the Perspex sheet from the packing end, so that only the cashier can hear and quietly ask it the tenner I'm being proffered as change can go towards their shopping when they come through. I just want to pack my three items and leave asap without interaction needed..

I'm told no - she will have to call a supervisor... she does, and loudly explains my request, holding my tenner aloft. The supervisor just stares at me.

Now I have done this before in supermarkets, one beginning with M and one beginning with S and was then met with whispered warmth and cheery help, so i wasn't expecting this wall of - well, blankness.

I said that I'd done it before, it's not a big deal, and was told to give it to them myself. I notice the son understands some of what's going on but the parents don't and, not wanting to cause any discomfort for them, I take the blasted tenner, mention the word 'ridiculous' and hurry off to the car park...
I didn't handle it well as I was very embarrassed but I don't think staff did either tbh...
Thoughts please?

The staff could of been more considerate, considering the kind gesture from you op. That was very kind of you to do. Society could use more people with your perspectives in that respect.

It's very likely store policy (I work a supermarket), there's likely very strict rules about how this is handled as it could obviously be open to abuse. I've had people try to give me money before (I'm a non cash taking role) and have had to decline.

Also while it's a really nice thought I wouldn't feel comfortable taking £10 off a stranger and would likely decline at the till unless I couldn't afford what I had in my basket (unlikely, I bet they've counted everything). It's likely to avoid a situation like this where they have £10 floating around which you've left but the other customer won't take.

Maybe the cashier was worried about what would happen if she was found with a tenner just sat out, or what to do with the tenner if the other family refused it. I can see being the middle person passing on money after you left could cause issues.

overall though I dunno why they didn’t just keep it for the other family. Probably just following shop policy though.

well she could have handled it better but I think she may have had to follow a rule about this....potentially she could have pocketed the cash?

I would think that they didn’t want to break rules about having cash on the till - in their possession.

Or possibly, they felt a bit embarrassed to be dragged into it. You have no idea how the recipient will react to the cashier. You think with gratitude, but it could be with all round awkwardness, not understand, refusal - or even an angry, “we don’t need your fucking hand out.” Remember this family were very obviously buying all reduced items - not everyone wants strangers clocking that and commenting on it to the cashier behind their back. Maybe the cashier predicted their embarrassment and didn’t want to get forced into causing it.

I didn't think it through did I Testina? You've got it right and I'm only glad no one was left in an uncomfortable position. I'm going to have to stop being random...

Oh I was in a similar position a couple of days ago. In a local supermarket and in front was a lady with 4 children, saying things like "No, put that back, the other brand is 10p cheaper" and "No, sorry, I've got to make this money go as far as possible" and "Maybe Grandad will have some yoghurts at his house when you go there". All the kids were very respectful of their Mum's decisions, and despite obviously having her hands full she wasn't swearing like a fishwife at the odd couple of squabbles that broke out. It was so so obvious they were completely broke and this shop was being done on a knife edge with her last bit of money.

I just felt so sad for her. I was trying to keep pace with them round the isles so we'd arrive at the tils at the same time so I could try your trick @Ozlonger. But I'd only just "popped in" on the way somewhere else and didn't have much time. I debated leaving some cash at the till for them but instead spied a store gift voucher and put £20 on it. I went straight back up the isle and found her and explained I'd accidentally overheard and please please don't be offended, but this is towards your bill. And she just looked at me and gulped and couldn't speak. And as I made a run for it (incase she suddenly did get afronted and nowty) I heard her say to her kids "So go on DCs, what would you like to choose?" in a wobbly voice.

It could so easily have gone wrong, but it didn't, worked perfectly and I had a lovely warm feeling for so long afterwards.

I know that you mean well but even with the best of intentions some people might find your actions are odd. Like a PP says some people might be offended that you consider them to be in need of charity.

You mentioned that you had done this before though so if it is something you would do again maybe you could get a couple of store gift cards and stick a few pounds on them. That way you could offer them and say you don't live local / don't normally shop in the store and ask if they want them as you won't be back there. People could take them without feeling like a charity case.

Just a thought, it is a very kind thing that you have been doing.

A very kind thing to do op and don't stop being random. I think the cashier should have been a lot more discreet given you were obviously doing so. Tough times are affecting so many people, you never know that your act of kindness may be just what someone needed.

Ozlonger and FarmGirl78
How lovely of you both. 💐

Good for you @Ozlonger and @FarmGirl78 and I'm sorry it didn't work out for you this time @Ozlonger

You could send the £10 to a domestic abuse charity, as it usually goes straight to the refuges for women escaping DV

Alternatively you could spend the £10 towards items for the food bank basket in your local supermarket?

Many moons ago when I worked the tills at a supermarket I used to put things through without charging when I saw situations like this. No idea if it helped or if those people noticed but I literally couldn't bring myself to ring through the whole week's shop if they looked desperate. Recently I bought a woman some shoes as we were trying them on at the same time and she was clearly in far greater need than me

However, random acts of kindness are a wonderful thing but often it's best just to donate straight to the food bank on a regular basis, then you don't have to rely on bumping into needy people at the right time

I think your gesture was well meant but too personal by it being just for the people who you identified. If you are able to afford it perhaps you could buy things that the local food bank needs instead, our local supermarkets have a drop point by the tills for this. That way you run less risk of causing issues or upset and embarrassment.

I haven’t done this in a supermarket but a few months ago I was in the out of hours vets and an old man was in there with his lovely dog and told me he didn’t know how he was going to pay his rent

I was out before him (my dog was fine) so I drove up to the cash point and took out money (I won’t say how much but it was an emergency vet) and took it in with a note saying it was for the man with the little dog, and just handed it to the woman on the desk, smiled and walked out. I didn’t ask or mention for this reason

I would donate it to your local food bank or buy £10 of stuff and put it in the food bin at the supermarket

I'm so glad you were able to step in there - and what a great thing to be part of..
I already do as you suggested, and I'd just come from donating locally, but yes that tenner is off on its travels...

I tend to ‘find’ money that’s been dropped on the floor and really insist it must be that persons before walking briskly away works well.

Thank you all for your insightful replies - I do already donate regularly in various ways, but will be a bit more perspicacious when random opportunities arise - the store voucher and 'dropped' money ideas are great
xxx

I agree Op, how ridiculous that the cashier and supervisor made such a drama. Sometimes I wonder if common sense has gone out of the window.

It would have been easy to ring a £10 voucher through the till using your cash and use it as part payment for the next customer's bill.

I'm sorry your kind gesture backfired. I suppose supermarket workers are too frightened to deviate from the training drilled into them, if "computer says no" they aren't allowed to think for themselves.
What a shame.

I'd have just said how lovely her little boy was and would she mind if I gave him some money to treat himself with.

Obviously you put the cashier on the spot so she had to check with her manager. Embarrassing all round.

“It would have been easy to ring a £10 voucher through the till using your cash and use it as part payment for the next customer's bill.“

Not always easy. You have to scan the voucher card to purchase it. The voucher cards are not so close to the till that a cashier can reach them in the supermarkets I use. Then you put the cashier in a position that they have cash on the till and are making “their” own purchase, which isn’t allowed. For good reasons.
Then back to my post above that the kind “pay it forward” person gets to side step the awkwardness or embarrassment of giving it to the recipient. It’s OP’s idea - let her be the one to buy a voucher and immediately hand it back to them. It’s a lovely thing to do, but it’s not fair to put it on the cashier.

It’s totally different if you’re in the queue at KFC drive thru and just want to create a smile for a stranger. There’s even, I think, a different vibe to “hey I bought your lunch” to “I can see that you’re poor, here have some cash.”

This thread's really restored my faith in mankind!
It actually made me cry.
The story about the lady whose voice went wobbly trying not to cry💔the vets bill being paid for, things being put through the till, "finding" money on the floor, the shoes, the money you paid for people's shopping OP.....💔💔💔So lovely!

It's a shame the cashier and manager reacted that way I think they were just in robotic "computer says no" work mode.

I like the idea of "finding money" or getting a gift voucher just to avoid having to give an explanation to till staff (I wouldn't be offended but I'm proud to be one of the common people :-)).

If at the tills you could even say to the person "I had this Tesco gift voucher given to me but I live abroad a lot and won't use it. Enjoy spending it." that kind of thing. They still would feel so touched you gave it to them and they'd be SO pleased going round spending it.

By the way my comment to liking being a common person is partly based on my love of the band Pulp rather than a strange political statement😂☺️

I have no Advice really its just a shame it didn't work out as I am sure they would have been so Grateful.

A teenage was two in front of me at a till once buying the very basics. His card was declined and still 4 years later I feel so guilty I didn't just flipping pay for it. I feel if I had been next in line it would have been easier. Fgs he had to leave the food there :(

The vet receptionist did phone me and said the man cried when she said half of his bill was paid. She wouldn’t give out my number and I just said I didn’t do it for any other reason apart from he was a nice man who loved his dog and no one needed to say thank you

we got chatting as a long wait. He said his dog was like his family. We talked about it being typical pets got ill on weekends when it was so expensive. He had told me he went to the cash point at midnight to draw out all his pension to pay for the dogs treatment as he was poorly and he was worried about his rent coming out and then not being able to pay for his dog. I nearly cried on the spot I could not stop thinking about it

You absolute legend! This is a perfect idea! Game changer for us doing random acts of kindness!! ❤️

@Menora that was so kind of you.