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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Window wars

20 replies

FluffyMcFluffFace · 07/06/2022 14:43

I need some perspective here as to whether I'm being unreasonable. Sorry it's a bit long! By way of background, I am on medication for hormone related breast cancer, which causes me to have menopause symptoms including severe hot flushes and night sweats. (I am post menopausal, never had a single symptom!) As a result of this I am hot most of the time, and will be dripping wet with sweat several times a day/night. As a result of this, I always try to keep a small window in our bedroom open, as the fresh air helps - especially as it's on my side of the bed. Unfortunately, my DH is always cold, and despite him knowing why I have the window open, insists on closing it at every possible opportunity, and I regularly have to get up in the night and reopen it. (I do also have a fan which I use when the weather is warmer, but it's not been warm enough yet this year). I have asked him numerous times not to shut the window, and if he's cold, he can wear a T shirt or PJs (currently sleeps in his boxers).
So AIBU to tell him to f*ck right off and to stab him (not literally, obviously) next time he does this? And if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can make him understand just how blooming horrible it is for me, I'd be very grateful...

OP posts:
Frida9 · 07/06/2022 14:46

If he's cold he can wear PJ's or get a blanket/hot water bottle. You're not opening the window to annoy him

purpleboy · 07/06/2022 14:46

I'd say neither of you are unreasonable, but I'm guessing you have less control over your temperature than he does?
DH is always hot and loves windows etc open, I'm always cold and prefer them shut, we sound like you always opening and closing, but I guess we just get on with it, it is annoying though!

motogirl · 07/06/2022 14:46

Yes, if he's cold at night I suggest a set of ski underwear - merino wool will keep him toasty! If the tables were turned you would just put on clothes! Another thought - do you have 2 separate duvets ? It's really helpful if one of you is running hotter than the other (peri menopausal woman here!)

Heronwatcher · 07/06/2022 14:47

No, he is an arse who is prioritising his own comfort over yours. Especially given the context. I would be telling him to sleep on the sofa or better still in a premier inn the next time he does this. What does he say when you ask him about it?

Vallmo47 · 07/06/2022 14:50

He’s not unreasonable to feel the cold but he’s unreasonable to know about your reasons and still not be willing to put some pyjamas on. Separate duvets are a great suggestion as well- he clearly needs a thicker one. :)

Ncwinc · 07/06/2022 14:52

Separate duvets and linen bedding. Linen just doesn’t get hot in the same way.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 07/06/2022 15:00

Hi I'm on tamoxifen and know how this feels. I insist on the window open at all times, have a cooking gel pad for under my head, I think you can get body length ones as well and have a fan on all as required. If you DH doesn't like it then he needs to make alternative sleeping arrangements!

Ncwinc · 07/06/2022 15:15

’And if anyone has any suggestions as to how I can make him understand just how blooming horrible it is for me, I'd be very grateful’

I don’t know if it’s like this for you but for me menopause was as if the outside temperature were constantly about 25. I could manage it by wearing lighter clothing and opening the windows. That wasn’t so bad. The shitty bit was that any time I could get a hot flash and it was like being locked in a car that had been sitting in the sun for hours with all the windows shut. Overwhelming, oppressive heat with no way to stop it, sweat dripping off you. 15 minutes of hell. A fan directed at my face got me through it but then I had to shower, change clothes or redo makeup.

theemmadilemma · 07/06/2022 15:18

DP likes a cold bedroom, I have an extra blanket on my side under the duvet, it only take a moment to warm up once you're under the covers? What's the big issue?

It's got to be one of the easier compromises to make? Easy to make yourself warmer.

FinallyHere · 07/06/2022 15:25

I've alway run hot, even as a child my parents would sometime use a cold air blower on me at night to cool me down.

DH is now circulation impaired post surgery for cancer and always feels cold. Gets quite bad cramp when cold, too.

While I much prefer an open window, our compromise is just to have a fan on my bedside table to run any time I need it.

Much less comfortable than an open window but as DH points out, can be turned on off (Alex's type control) without him having to get up (surgery impacted his legs so getting up is a pfaff for him)

I do tend to turn on fan then fall right asleep while he is kept awake by cramp.

It's not ideal but it is a workable solution for us. Hope you find what works for you.

TheHaka · 07/06/2022 16:15

Are you on Tamoxifen or Arimidex? If you are I’d suggest you keep away from the knives. No joke.

Aprilx · 07/06/2022 17:26

I tend to run hot too but I don’t see how one of you trumps the other one, neither of you are being unreasonable. I’d go for separate rooms.

pictish · 07/06/2022 17:31

Is he typically selfish? Does he generally behave as though his wants and preferences take priority?

grapewines · 07/06/2022 17:34

Aprilx · 07/06/2022 17:26

I tend to run hot too but I don’t see how one of you trumps the other one, neither of you are being unreasonable. I’d go for separate rooms.

If possible this is what I'd do.

SmartCarDriver · 07/06/2022 17:37

Stab him, I'll give you an alibi!

HannahSternDefoe · 07/06/2022 17:44

We have window wars too.

I'll give you an alibi if you need one.

LicoricePizza · 07/06/2022 18:25

Don’t know why people are so opposed to separate rooms especially when sleep is so critical for general wellbeing & when dealing with health probs & life changes it’s the only way to get through. Doesn’t break your relationship is just common sense. If you have the room!

MRex · 07/06/2022 18:31

It's not nice for either of you to be uncomfortable; you didn't specify that you are sleeping naked with no covers? I'm not sure why one gets more rights than another here, you both have to adjust really. You need separate bedding and ideally separate rooms until things regulate a bit better. Try putting water on your neck, wrists and ankles, it'll cool you down quickly.

FluffyMcFluffFace · 07/06/2022 21:20

Thanks everyone for making me realise I'm not being entirely reasonable! I think I'm a bit tired and emotional today, and DH does have form for being pretty selfish, and I'm generally pissed off with him at the moment. I'll suggest he sleeps in the spare room if he doesn't want to use any additional covers etc.

OP posts:
Choccyoclocky · 07/06/2022 21:26

I am usually chilly but DH wants the window open because he is always sweaty. Luckily the window is on his side and i prefer to sleep clothes incase kids need me.
But his lamp has built in USB ports so he uses this fan to help cool him down. It is really quiet and has two modes. We've had a few desk fans over the years but this is definitely the best one.

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07C1L8KXH/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_M076F332X49RP8QFFS5P

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