If you wanted 3 kids but stopped after 2…did you regret it?

[Ansarima]

Hi All
Before kids, DH and I always dreamed about having 3 kids

We have now 2 kids, DS and DD, and we agree that is probably a good idea to consider our family complete.
We have considered a lot of things (time, money, stress and many more) and from a rational pov it makes sense.

But i am just afraid I will regret it. That 15 years from now, or even less, i will think i made i mistake and i will long for a 3rd child (and it will be too late)

A dear friend announced last week she is expecting her third child and i was surprised to experience mixed feelings.

If you were in the same situation, did you regret it? What do you feel?

AIBU to think the longing may never go away? (And is this a sign i should reconsider?)

Thank you!

No. Don't regret stopping at 2.

My major concern was age as I had dd2 at 38. She's now 4 and while I love to look at babies im satisfied with my little family.

If I was younger im pretty sure we would have made a different decision but you can only do what you think is right.

I also know 2 women who's no3 turned out to be twins!

I agonised about this at the time, as we have two living children and a child of the opposite sex who was stillborn. I wanted to go on and have more children but it was far more sensible to stop for health and other reasons.

Our DC are teenagers now and I have no regrets. I look at families who carried on to number 3 or even 4 and I don't feel the jealousy I once did. Far from it! It makes life much harder on days out and holidays to deal with a wide spread of ages and finding something to suit all of them. In a couple of cases, having a subsequent child has unfortunately pushed families I know into crisis (divorce, mental health breakdown) and ultimately I knew I didn't want to risk that.

Overall no, I think it was the right decision. I do still occasionally get a bit of longing or "what if" moments. But nothing like the early years when it made me desperately unhappy.

We had always planned on 2 kids so I was surprised that for about 18 months after DS2 was born, I really wanted a 3rd. We decided against it for mainly financial reasons.

They are 7 and 4 now. I'm a single parent now and doing it with 2 is hard enough. I have no idea how I'd cope with 3 on my own. On a more positive note, I'm so happy to be leaving the baby days behind. No more nappies, hourly wake ups, teething, hauling the kitchen sink around with us, expensive nursery fees. DS1 even makes breakfast cereal for them both while I have a lie in some weekends! DS2 will be starting school in September and whilst I'm a bit sad the toddler years are behind me I'm also happy to be moving onto the next stage. I do enjoy a cuddle with someone else's baby but I also enjoy giving them back

So no, I am very glad we didn't have a 3rd

Thank you everyone!
Reading your words is really helpful.
The fact that a lot of friends are having a third (or fourth) child right now is not really helping this sense of "what if" but your words really help put a bit of perspective.❤

Not what you’re asking but we considered DC3 for 4 years, so took our time, went for it and now I definitely have that DONE feeling. Was worried having the third wouldn’t lead to that feeling and I’d always want more but it did come.

Wanted four, stopped at two. I did go through a phase of wanting a third, but that passed and didn't return.

They are adults now and I have no regrets about stopping at two.

I wanted 3 and stopped at 2. Both now adults and I am glad I did. I had much more time and resources to give just 2. Plus I had them only 18 months apart so I got the baby and toddler stage over quicker.

Thank you for this thread - you could be me!
Feel #blessed with 2 but wonder if I'd be increasing the love with having a third orrrr just pushing us to the limit - just want to reach a decision either way now I suppose

I get tiny pangs of regret now that my BILL and SIL have just had no.3. They’re 10 years behind us though now with 3 under 4….

My two are pre/teens and we’ve a nice dynamic going on now.

I push the regret away easily when I remember there’s no “destiny” there’s no “right or wrong” there just “is what is”…

Yes, biologically I could have 1,2,3 more and who would they have been? How would that have changed me? But I didn’t, I stopped at two and I love them and they fill my life immeasurably! So that’s that!

As an aside I got the Mirena 11 years ago when DD was 1. I credit that with dampening down the heart/irrational-broodiness so that my decision was made with my head. My head considered the difficult pregnancies, our financial situation, how much I struggled with toddlers, how much my DH struggled with babies - easy decision!

No. I wanted 3 - stopped at two as I couldn't carry to full term after my second child.

I don't regret it. We have more money to treat our two, more attention and time to give them both, it's easier to travel etc etc.

I do actually feel blessed that I couldn't have another.

I'm in the same boat.

I actually wanted to stop at one, had my second, and now I feel an overwhelming urge for another. Pregnancy isn't easy for me, and I'm not sure my mental health cope going through it again but the urge is there.

It's a horrible feeling.

I'm one of 3 and always assumed I'd have 3. Financially though we weren't in a position to have any more. We had a girl and boy so I suppose also there wasn't any longing to have a different sex baby too. Mine are are 34 and 31 now, and no regrets!

Had 2, then much later pregnancy followed by miscarriage. Conflicted at the time but now very much glad I only have the two. As young adults they need a surprising amount from me and I'm much better able to provide what they need with just the two.

I was in your position 2.5 years ago, I had two young children, yet I always thought I'd have three but then my second was a terrible sleeper so I put the idea of a third to the back of my mind. Last year I was turning 39 I realised I didn't have that 'done' feeling previous posters have mentioned. I got pregnant very quickly, I did feel some panic and wondered had I made a mistake but my baby was born 3 months ago and he is wonderful. I definitely feel like our family is complete and it's like we were waiting for him the whole time 😍. He's a chilled out baby who sleeps, so if he was another poor sleeper I may feel differently!

Obviously there's practicalities that we have to consider like a bigger car, possibly moving house in 3 to 5 years but none of that phases me as I can't imagine our family without him now. If had stopped at two I may have had pangs of regret but I'm sure I still would have been happy as a family of four.

I wanted three but DH only ever wanted two so we stopped at 2. I went through a long time of being jealous of people who had three children - it just felt like their families were more complete. However DC2 is a teenager and autistic and I think if we'd had another child it wouldn't have been fair on anyone - DD needs time and attention which means DD gets a lot less input

I'm in your position OP, and I decided to try for a third. If it works it works, if not I'll make my peace with it.

Wow thats exactly what happened to me. I have one of each, they are young adults now. In 2020 I used my frozen embryos and got pregnant! Ended up miscarrying and have never went back. I often think wtf was I thinking? The age gap would have been huge and I am on the verge of never doing a school run again. Why the hell was I about to dive into that again?? I have came to terms with my two. I do have a pang of regret that I really should have done it years ago, but I really left it too late

I was desperate for a third for years when mine two were little. But now they’re teens I’m so glad there’s not more of them! Despite being fabulous people they are expensive and emotionally demanding.

Now I’m too old anyway and I instead want puppies and kittens in my life 🥰

I have 3. I don't regret my third as she is wonderful but I was and am always blipping exhausted - I swear I aged 10 years by having her!-
having 2 children is much easier and they get far more attention. And you can afford more to spend on them.

Two is enough and is a nice little family. Nothing is easy with 3.

No I don't regret it and the longing for a third child disappeared. Now I love the fact that I can give my 2 children so much time and attention. Life's much easier with 2 (in my opinion).

We planned to have three, but after two my DH felt he definitely didn’t want any more. I wasn’t completely on board at the time and still felt I might like to have a third. However, as time has gone on I am more and more contented with stopping at two. Life is pretty easy, the two we have are great and get on well, from a practical point of view it was absolutely the right decision and I just cannot imagine having a third now (definitely can’t imagine 2nd DD being a middle child 😬). Plus I’ve spent enough time with my SIL and her three kids to feel that three is a recipient for eternal chaos and conflict, the dynamic just doesn’t seem to work very well.

1 child = 1 portion of trouble
2 children = trouble portion square
3 children = portion trouble cube
and so on, it’s not linear…on ALL levels…emotionally, financially, timewise etc