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AIBU?

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Original poster

To absolutely bollox them all

59 replies

toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 10:12

DH has a week away for work - I've stayed at home with all the SC's 23,22,21,15,13
We constantly have to remind them to lock the doors when they leave the house - lock it behind them when they come in and go upstairs etc. As they forget or cba. It's soul destroying. We both have expensive computers and other HW downstairs. As well as all the car keys.
I woke about 6 this morning and came down to find the kitchen window - which opens on to a side road - wide open!!!
No one will admit to either opening it or leaving it open. There was also a greasy pan in the sink - but the person who left it claimed he had agreed with another sibling that they would wash it. But it was obviously someone who had something to do with the pan who left the window open.
Partner has just sent a group chat message; replying to my group chat message; about how pissed off he is - and if they don't start showing some respect they should basically 'F' off and find somewhere else to live. (They haven't saved any money ever ) they also can't go to their mums due to her having issues)
They just spend their money on going out / take away / festivals etc
Last week we had an incident where the older kid came in drunk in the middle of the night - left the door open - a random kid walks in and falls asleep in the sofa and is actually physically sick on my throw!!!
How much more of a wake up call do they need? Or do we need...? Blush
The feeling of annoyance is almost giving me heartburn. I'm only the stepmum but I sometimes just want the older kids to either step up - and start saving for their own place and start acting responsible- or just go. I feel we are enabling this shit behavior.
I shouted at everyone of them this morning but they all blame each other and just go.. it does my nut in!

OP posts:
Vikinga · 07/06/2022 12:42

It isn't normal. Even my 11 year old knows to lock the doors if he comes to mine and I'm not there.

They can be messy and lazy but they're all very good at lovking up. Otherwise I'd take their key away.

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 07/06/2022 12:49

Not read everything. But they (working ones) need to start paying market rent. Here that would be £120 per week plus bills per room. Everyone a door or window/house is left insecure - remove something of theirs - simulating it being stolen. They get it back if they learn to lock up and respect the home. Or they move out.

7eleven · 07/06/2022 12:54

BusterGonad · 07/06/2022 12:37

You sound like a charming parent.

Show quote history

I am actually. I have three independent, successful adult children and three lovely grandchildren. We’re a very close, loving family.

Do you think adults in their early 20s should be acting like teenagers? It stilts their development, I think.

Moosake · 07/06/2022 12:57

toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 10:58

@mrsister they do pay board. About 50 pounds a week. They even moan about it Grin

The eldest ones need a reality check. Fast.

Swayingpalmtrees · 07/06/2022 12:57

This hasn't happened over night, it seems to be getting worse as you describe strangers now sleeping and being sick in your house!
That would be a step too far from me.
I would be asking the older adults to move out and find a house share - and given them a time frame. We would help with a deposit possibly and some extras but they would need to move out, because I would this intolerable and unsafe. They are not even saving op, they are living the high life and learning to not care about anything or anyone else. It is time for responsibility, the eldest is 23!

It must be very stressful living there for every one. Move the older ones out and focus on the younger children, they need to have a stable and calm home life.

Moosake · 07/06/2022 12:59

I mean if DH wants to be "nice" about it he could offer to pay the deposit on a houseshare?

pearly1792 · 07/06/2022 13:10

Tell the 21, 22 and 23 year olds they have 6 weeks to move out. They are just being that age doing stupid early twenties shyte. But they are doing it at their parents house and not where they should do a cheap share house.

Giving them the gift of adult independence together will make it easier for them to afford.

pearly1792 · 07/06/2022 13:11

You can't bollox and 15 and 13 year old but once you get the actually adults out I wouldn't be surprised if their behaviour doesn't change for the better.

pearly1792 · 07/06/2022 13:17

HappyAsASandboy · 07/06/2022 10:21

I didn't mean to imply that you should have to change the locks/restricters, just that it is the way to make your home safe despite the feckless behaviour of your kids.

I would make the home safe, but also push them to move out because they can't respect the home.

Don't push them to move out just bluntly tell them and the date. But be realistic about the time. minimum a month max 2 months.

Brefugee · 07/06/2022 13:18

I think it sounds pretty 'normal'. With teens and young adults around.
A pan left out, having to nag about locking doors, windows open, someone's friend drunk & sick.

Were you living in a flop house? that is absolutely not normal and they would have been on a warning and then out of the home if mine had done that to me.

OP, get one of those automatic door closer things, so that they can't leave it open, and fit a yale lock so that the door can't be opened. Only give keys to responsible ones...

I would also say, that they need to step up and do more, but that's hard to get control of at this stage.

pearly1792 · 07/06/2022 13:19

7eleven · 07/06/2022 12:30

Adult children shouldn’t be living at home, in my opinion. It prevents them from growing up.

I agree. My rule is a year after finishing full time education you should have a place of your own.

RunningFromInsanity · 07/06/2022 13:21

Firstly you charge them all for their share of this weeks cleaner and the replacement of the throw.
Then they split the cost of changing the locks to self closing ones, and new keys.

That would be non negotiable for me.

NoObviousDog · 07/06/2022 13:21

You have 5 step children and also children of your own?! Do they live with you too?!

As a PP said, this hasn't happened overnight, these kids have been raised poorly. I'm one of 5 and never in a month of Sundays would we have disrespected our home or our mother (single parent) like that. It's no point just shouting at them, there has to be consequences. Stop making life so easy and comfortable for them.

Blinkingbatshit · 07/06/2022 13:28

3 eldest need to grow up and move out!! Could they not flat/house share together? Your dh could offer to pay the deposit as an encouragement maybe….

diddl · 07/06/2022 13:47

Must be tempting to take their keys off them!

Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 14:55

@AlisonDonut
DH and I had actually agreed to do this next time it happened. So I should have done it this morning- but my brain was just one big red fog or madness! Grin
I should have driven their cars around the corner out of sight! Lol

OP posts:
Shehasadiamondinthesky · 07/06/2022 15:01

5 stepchildren - there is no way on earth I'd be taking that on. Fuck that.

tiredanddangerous · 07/06/2022 15:06

Your DH needs to tell the older ones to move out. Give them a deadline and stick to it. If he won't do this I'd re evaluate the relationship. I couldn't live like this.

Original poster
toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 15:19

tiredanddangerous · 07/06/2022 15:06

Your DH needs to tell the older ones to move out. Give them a deadline and stick to it. If he won't do this I'd re evaluate the relationship. I couldn't live like this.

They have experienced quite a bit already in their younger years. I don't particularly want to scar them even more ...

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 07/06/2022 15:21

You need to set boundaries op, particularly if they have had difficulties in the past, they need to know where the line in the sand is and to feel safe and secure.
Being safe is having locked doors and windows, rules around the house and the space to discuss them.

I would be leaving if I were you!!

It is a mugs game being step parent to five kids that have zero respect for you or your house!

Johnnysgirl · 07/06/2022 15:25

they also can't go to their mums due to her having issues
Three of them are adults...

Johnnysgirl · 07/06/2022 15:26

toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 15:19

They have experienced quite a bit already in their younger years. I don't particularly want to scar them even more ...

Show quote history

How would they be scarred by beginning their adult lives independently? Are they working/studying?

iRun2eatCake · 07/06/2022 15:55

toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 15:19

They have experienced quite a bit already in their younger years. I don't particularly want to scar them even more ...

Show quote history

Stop moaning then and carry on being a doormat.

WhereYouLeftIt · 07/06/2022 16:10

toogoodforthisworld · 07/06/2022 10:58

@mrsister they do pay board. About 50 pounds a week. They even moan about it Grin

That's far too little - and part of the reason they haven't moved out yet. Raise the price. A lot.

Fuuuuuckit · 07/06/2022 16:15

AlisonDonut · 07/06/2022 12:07

I'd have creeped round and hidden all their IT and pretended you'd been robbed personally.

They need a wake up call.

This.

I once 'lost' ds' favourite toy that he insisted we take everywhere despite him being inconsolable if it were to be lost (it was in my bag), but deffo if they can't look after their own stuff then it's a wakeup call for them all.

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