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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Perspective please

2 replies

New123star · 06/06/2022 23:31

Can I have some perspective on this please re: friendship issue

I met a mum in a post natal check up type class years ago. Our babies were literally weeks old. We stayed in contact and truthfully I’ve never been good at making friends and been quite lonely so it was nice to meet up for coffee etc. I also met other friends through her and we had a good circle. Looking back she made me feel a little suffocated after I went back to work e.g. would want to meet on EVERY day I wasn’t working.

I would get a message from her on the weekend making plans for my day off. I would agree but then a few times she wouldn’t turn up! I was relived I didn’t have to see her tbh rather than annoyed that she didn’t turn up. She would repeatly do this so I stopped answering. She continued pestering me and I kept it civil with her and we mainly communicated for a couple of years via text and very occasional meet up in the park. The other friends I made through her I didn’t keep in contact as one by one she had disagreements with them and they stopped talking and as I met them through her I felt it was not good to keep in touch.

our kids ended up in the same school and same class so I couldn’t avoid her anymore. I started understanding why she grated on me. I just felt she was really needy all the time and constant drama. I was going through a rough time so I started avoiding her. She confronted me about this and she got really nasty to the point I found her aggressive and I told her not to ever speak to me again. This was around 3 years ago. Thanks to covid I could avoid her completely. But truthfully I feel my social life would have been great if we kept in contact but I don’t want her back in my life again. How would you feel? Was I unreasonable to not want to arrange something every day off? I kind of feel she has spoilt my school mum experience as I haven’t been able to relax and make friends as she’s always there. I have one child so I cannot have the school experience again. It’s hard to make friends as adult and having kids in same school and you see everyday is my comfort zone but she is always there!

OP posts:
SaveMePlease · 06/06/2022 23:38

Sorry for what you're going through OP.

It's a shame that your loyalty to this person meant you stopped being in contact with the other friends you made. Is there any chance of re-connecting with them? How about local mum groups?

It sounds like you did persevere with the friend despite how she was and to be honest, it's not worth the stress and anxiety maintaining such a friendship out of politeness - life is too short.

New123star · 06/06/2022 23:47

Thank you saveMe. It’s really difficult making friends in kids groups as my child is older now so it’s just drop off type clubs where parents don’t chat. I’ve tried to chat to other mums but they’re not very friendly you can see they just want to drop kid off and not make chit chat which I totally get.
mi just feel down about myself too. I feel really fat and feel like I look a mess on most days do of course people don’t want to chat!

OP posts:
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