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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset with my father?

40 replies

LiIo · 06/06/2022 22:13

I was with my parents this evening and they mentioned they were planning on writing their wills. My father asked my mother if she would ever remarry if he were to pass away before her. She replied absolutely not, as she would not want to jeopardise her children’s inheritance.

My father said expects he probably would get remarried and if he were to pass away before this hypothetical new wife, she would inherit everything. He said it wouldn’t be fair for her not to. It caused quite the argument between my parents and left me feeling a little deflated.

I know it’s also hypothetical and I guess it would be his choice but AIBU to be a bit upset by my fathers response?

OP posts:

Pallisers · 07/06/2022 01:05

christ your update! He has a severely braindamaged child and he thinks it ok to state openly that his assets would go to a new wife. What a piece of shit he is.

JerichoGirl · 07/06/2022 01:06

What an absolutely crap thing for your dad to say.

JerichoGirl · 07/06/2022 01:08

I don’t think it is about the money, it’s about his dismissive attitude to his actual family. He even puts his mythical new wife ahead of you all. What an absolute chump.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 07/06/2022 01:28

I think YABU. At least, I did until I read your update. Having a disabled child changes things and of you are expected to continue caring for him after their deaths then YANBU.

I definitely think your mum should be annoyed with his response too!!!

Basilbrushgotfat · 07/06/2022 01:44

Yanbu
When parents remarry when they already have children, they should safeguard their children's inheritance in new wills.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/06/2022 11:56

Your update definitely changes things completely. He should at a very minimum provide for his child's needs.

Original poster

LiIo · 07/06/2022 15:29

Thanks everyone for replying. I am still feeling a but disappointed in my father but at least he was truthful. I’ve no doubt my father would be likely to marry a 20 something mail order bride if given half the chance to be honest…

My mother is planning on drawing up her will this weekend in a way that protects her share for her children with some sort of trust fund for my brother that I will manage on his behalf.

OP posts:

OnlyLosersTakeTheBus · 07/06/2022 15:43

It's a good job he was so honest as now your mother knows and can prepare accordingly.

On the other side, my father is reluctant to marry his partner of 7 years because he feels it would complicate his children's inheritance. We really don't care though but he won't listen!

Georgeskitchen · 07/06/2022 15:49

If your dad remarried he can make a will leaving his estate to you, cant he?
If I was in this situation I would be thoroughly pissed if the family inheritance ended up going to strangers, should a parent remarry. Call me grabby if you like but why should some randomers get the benefit of what my family worked for?

Original poster

LiIo · 07/06/2022 16:14

@Georgeskitchen Yeah he could but he said it wouldn’t be fair to this hypothetical new wife for her not to inherit his assets…

@OnlyLosersTakeTheBus I would love to see my parents (my mother in particular) spend and enjoy their money. It’s not about me being grabby, it’s just I’m upset my father has, in his mind, chosen to prioritise a new theoretical wife over his own living, breathing children who love and care for him. He’s obviously given it some thought.

OP posts:

Nanny0gg · 07/06/2022 16:26

MangyInseam · 07/06/2022 00:27

I think adults are allowed to remarry. And if they do so, they have responsibilities to the new spouse,some of which come before the responsibilities to the kids.

It is more difficult if there are things like a family property, or kids with ongoing needs, and there are ways to accomodate that in a second marriage. But in terms of just plain passing on cash assets, some should go to a second wife.

If your mum wouldn't want to do that it's fine but I don't think it's a thing to be a martyr about if she would be happier having met someone new.

My dad remarried. Gave his second wife the right to live in the house (which was our family home) till her death. Money was shared between my siblings and her.

theadoory · 14/03/2025 08:03

My dad's about to do this. Heartbreaking. My mum would've wanted us to inherit.

Molstraat · 14/03/2025 08:10

I am glad your mother at least is thinking of you and your brother.

Your father sounds like he was a shit husband and father to you, so no surprise there.

Not someone I would be putting myself out to visit.

Spondoolies · 14/03/2025 09:21

Well he is an idiot for stating that out loud, your mum can now make her will so you get all of her share whereas before she probably would have been fine with it going to your dad.

Skinnylattenosugar · 14/03/2025 14:09

In this exact situation right now. My fathers new (6 month relationship with his 20 years his junior fiancée) soon to be wife will inherit everything of my beautiful late mums. Everything my mum has worked for, the properties that she worked hard to buy and keep and her substantial savings.
My mum died suddenly and they both had a will giving the living spouse everything. We will get nothing of my mums, or my dads. He is living with his fiancée and her children. She is not much older than me and will inherit everything of my mums.
Please try to get your mum to see a solicitor to make sure that you won't lose everything she wanted you to have. It's an awful situation.

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