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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated by DP pressuring me to watch TV

30 replies

Olive180 · 06/06/2022 21:25

DP is a big TV/film man (he contributes to a TV critic channel on YouTube) and ever since the pandemic all he wants to do with his evenings is watch TV shows. Every night I get a needy and longing 'do you want to watch the next episode of xyz with me?' Or 'let me know when you want to watch [insert latest Netflix show].' I don't want to watch TV every night, I would like to read, or play a game, paint, listen to a podcast, or go out. I feel bad for rejecting him every night and doing my own things while he watches some dross on Netflix. It's also irritating when I clearly say no and he carries on trying to persuade me. How can I manage this better and also how can I get him out of this TV rut? We used to go out places before Covid.

OP posts:
HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 06/06/2022 21:31

Can you have a set couple of nights that you hang out together to watch telly? Or you both do what you want one day, both do what he wants one day and spend the rest of the time doing your own thing.?

That doesn’t solve the problem of him not taking no for an answer. Have you asked him why he keeps trying to persuade you after you’ve said no?

PatAndFrank · 06/06/2022 21:33

Telly is my heaven - can’t be arsed to watch films though.
as op said maybe tv night, film night, night out each week - then time for you and him to do what each of you enjoy away from the other

Ragwort · 06/06/2022 21:37

Nothing wrong with doing your own thing, my DH & I have completely separate interests and wouldn't dream of expecting each other to provide 'entertainment' in the evenings. We've been married over 35 years and rarely watch tv together Grin.

Original poster
Olive180 · 06/06/2022 21:41

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 06/06/2022 21:31

Can you have a set couple of nights that you hang out together to watch telly? Or you both do what you want one day, both do what he wants one day and spend the rest of the time doing your own thing.?

That doesn’t solve the problem of him not taking no for an answer. Have you asked him why he keeps trying to persuade you after you’ve said no?

I've asked him to stop pestering me about it because it makes me feel guilty and then when I cave it usually means I'm spending an hour or two doing something I don't really want to be doing, but his argument is always 'but you'll really like [show]! I just want you to watch it with me and get your opinions!'

OP posts:
sandgrown · 06/06/2022 21:46

My ex was the same . He was always insistent I would like such and such a show and the more he pushed it the more resistant I became . His idea of heaven was the whole family in one room watching TV together . This only happened on special occasions as in my mind there were much better things to do . You need a sort of rota I guess and tine apart .

iklboo · 06/06/2022 21:46

Tell him you're not auditioning for Gogglebox and you'll watch stuff if and when you feel like it.

Paq · 06/06/2022 21:46

He sounds tedious.

autienotnaughty · 06/06/2022 21:49

I'd say two nights telly, two doing what you want, two spent separately. And one night to choose something together. (This is assuming your not going out!) dh mostly likes to watch telly. I join sometimes but I have a evening class once a week, sometimes I'll have a bath or read. I also like games but dh refuses 😩

Discovereads · 06/06/2022 21:51

I understand completely not wanting to watch TV. However since you said that you are rejecting him every night, it has to be as annoying for him as it is for you. He obviously wants to spend time with you. Both of you doing your own thing every night isn’t going to be good for your relationship in the long run. So I’d suggest either watching TV with him once in a while (unless you truly do hate all TV) or making an effort to spend time with him doing something else once in awhile.

piratehugs · 06/06/2022 21:52

My God, Mumsnet is full of people with the same issues as me today. Literally all DP wants to do in the evenings is watch TV. He won't even spend one evening a week doing something else with me. What a waste of time! No advice, but it's good you're not just going along with it all the time.

Neoandtrinity · 06/06/2022 21:53

So basically your DH doesn't respect your wants or needs to do something without him? Tell him to jog on and go out without him.

SunflowerGardens · 06/06/2022 21:56

I wish DH would sit and watch tv with me. I can't watch anything because he talks incessantly over the top of anything I'm trying to watch.

Cleanbedlinen12 · 06/06/2022 21:58

What do you do when Dh wants to do this, but is basically too tired to do anything else by the time he gets in. I’m the same, used to have loads of hobbies now just too tired by the time cooked etc. how do you with hobbies manage it?!

Offandonagain · 06/06/2022 21:58

Have you tried pestering him to do one of your chosen activities?

justasking111 · 21/01/2023 22:27

We like different programmes. So take it in turn. I read, listen to something, waste time on here. Neither has ever asked eachother to please watch this. That's weird

MiddleParking · 21/01/2023 22:33

Sounds like the type of guy who wants you to ‘get your own opinions’ on tv shows he likes so he can debate them. No thanks. Just tell him your opinion on it will be that you’d rather have been doing something else.

PinkSyCo · 21/01/2023 22:38

Do you do things together that you both enjoy on weekends? If not, I’d say you’re just not compatible and you’d be best calling it a day.

TheChosenTwo · 21/01/2023 22:40

@Ragwort dh and I are exactly the same, We have totally different interests, hobbies, friendship groups and social lives.
And very different ideas of ‘what’s good to watch on tv’. I think, aside from taking the dc together to watch some kids things, we’ve been to the cinema together maybe twice in 20 years, and they were both within the first 3 years of being together 😂
he likes sport, loud sweary gun shooting gangster films and similar for series, I like comedy and murder documentaries.
if we’re both home of an evening and the dc are doing other things, we never ever sit down together in the same room to watch tv. I might be in the front room with him while he’s watching something and I’ll be reading but even that’s not often.
OP I’d maybe suggest a compromise on 2 nights a week, one night of his choice and one of yours and the rest you can do your own thing. No need for you to miss out on living your life because he’s a dullard who won’t move from in front of the telly, this would have me bored to tears.

lottiegarbanzo · 21/01/2023 22:44

The issue is that he thinks he knows better than you, what you want and what interests you.

He sees you as convenient sub-set of himself, not as a separate person with some coinciding interests.

Msgrieves · 21/01/2023 22:47

You sound pretty mismatched

Msgrieves · 21/01/2023 22:47

lottiegarbanzo · 21/01/2023 22:44

The issue is that he thinks he knows better than you, what you want and what interests you.

He sees you as convenient sub-set of himself, not as a separate person with some coinciding interests.

That's really cynical

lottiegarbanzo · 22/01/2023 08:10

I'm afraid, from observation of many people over many years, I think it's a really common way of thinking. People (often but not always men) are often a lot more self-centred than nicer, more outward-looking, thoughtful and generous people (often but not always women) realise.

I don't see that as cynical at all. Rather as observed reality.

I do think a lot of people (mostly but not always women) like to delude themselves that other people view the world the same way they do - it never even occurs to them to question this. Part of this is holding on to the notion that they are loved fully 'for themselves' rather than to the extent they fulfil someone else's fantasy version of them.

Ggggggoooo · 22/01/2023 08:51

Clearly he wants to spend time with you. My partner and I watch shows together almost daily and it’s really special sharing a good show together. Can’t you watch something with him once a week? If you’re always turning him down that’s pretty mean IMO

Ggggggoooo · 22/01/2023 08:52

lottiegarbanzo · 21/01/2023 22:44

The issue is that he thinks he knows better than you, what you want and what interests you.

He sees you as convenient sub-set of himself, not as a separate person with some coinciding interests.

Jesus fuck, he wants to share his favourite programs with his wife. Does this site just hate men or what?

Oblomov22 · 22/01/2023 08:56

Why are you caving? Say something. Why can't you sit and do a puzzle as Dh is watching. Dh watches a lot, I watch if I fancy, sit there mn'ing if I don't. It all works perfectly.

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