Assuming this would be meant as a joke

[DingDangBang]

DBIL hasn't had a proper job ever. He thinks he's going to get discovered. He's 36. He's not (though he does get occasional work in his field of choice). This has meant that he has very regularly relied mainly on other low paying work to make ends meet - along with a general attitude that others will help him out if he gets into trouble.

We have quite a lot of money behind us due to a mixture of luck (inheritance on my side) and a very successful business. He quite often says in front of us that he can no longer do this or that as he's no longer got x or y to spare.

This evening, our DS asked (through DH) if DBIL could come and see him (they get on well which is nice). DBIL's response to DH was that his car was in the shop, will probably need to be replaced and that he would come and see us if we bought him a car. Not sure if he was joking or not. What do you think?

Under no circumstances give this lazy, feckless man any money. And no I don’t think he was joking.

I wouldn't care if he's joking or not, because I would never be buying him a car.

Tell your dbil to jog on.
And explain to your ds that dbil may come depending on the bus times.

It's a not very well disguised hint that he'll pass off as 'just a joke' if you call him out on it.

Please tell me you just rolled your eyes and moved the conversation on.

It wouldn't matter to me as I wouldn't buy him car but you know him so you are the only one who an make an informed judgement

Ask him was it a joke.

sounds like being serious,

Could always say yes £500 ect second hand one, to test his response

Doesn’t sound like a joke to me. Or at least, if it was a “joke” he still meant it really.

I’d ignore it completely. Nothing stopping DBIL getting s full time job, or retraining. He’s 36, not 66, plenty of years of earning potential ahead of him.

Without knowing him it’s hard to know if it was a joke or a hint.
I wouldn’t give him the money if he didn’t work to keep himself. However I would say, “we’ll arrange to visit you” or something similar” to allow your son to see him.

Is he a ‘DJ’? Sounds suspiciously like someone I know through an acquaintance.

They never joke.

I’d be treating it as a joke.

That isn’t the same as it initially being meant as one though.

@DingDangBang

DBIL's response to DH was that his car was in the shop, will probably need to be replaced and that he would come and see us if we bought him a car. Not sure if he was joking or not. What do you think?

I think if you go that route you'll be opening your bank account to him forever. You will be his first port of call whenever he needs a "loan" or a big ticket item like a car - plus the tax, MOT, fuel, insurance, maintenance/garage costs... Good luck getting him to remove his fingers from your bank account afterwards. 🌹

Serious request disguised as a joke so he can say “I was just joking” if you’re offended by it.

Don’t buy him a car.

This.

Be careful. If he's going to start bringing ds into it things could get tricky.

I'd have laughed and said, I tell you what, BIL. Buy me a new car and I'll come over and see you! How would that be?

And then I'd have muttered Dickhead, under my breath...

He was testing the waters on the off chance that you might fork out 10k or whatever the going rate is in his little head. Just laugh back in his face. Cheeky fucker...

Just send him a link to the train timetable - he'll clearly be needing it!

Joke or no joke just laugh it off! Freeloader!

He did specify a figure which made me wonder.

DH just responded with a ‘Lol - I don’t think that would get past the banker (ie: me) somehow’

DHs family all try to make him feel guilty for having ‘so much’ when they have ‘so little’ (they don’t, they are all professionals) which is infuriating.

I totally see what your DH was trying to do here, but of course, this sets you up as "the bad guy". Clearly your DH doesn't buy into that but just be careful.

My BIL likes to make "jokes". Funny how he never makes those "jokes" to anyone else. Just me. Because they're not jokes. He doesn't like me and thinks I'm a problem (to be fair, the feeling is mutual. But I don't make passive aggressive "jokes" aimed at him).

He wasn’t joking if he specified a figure. He was fishing for you to be his financial sponsor.

Your DH shouldn’t have said that. It makes it look like he would consider allowing BIL to sponge off you if you allowed it, so it gives BIL opportunities to keep testing the water with these “jokes”.

Time this man grew up and started earning a living properly like everyone else instead of indulging his wishful thinking.

He gave you a figure? ‘Sake.

His girlfriend is really ill now. It doesn't rain but it pours.