AIBU to be disappointed

[Bubbles1999]

My DD is nearly 4 and absolutely loves gymnastics. She goes to a class once a week but we have just found out that she has not been "selected" to join the elite group and is unlikely to make the cut to join the school age groups when she starts school in September. AIBU to feel that 4 is too young to cut a child from an activity that they love? With a layman's eye, she is doing as well as her best friend (who has been selected) and the only discernible difference between them is that my daughter is very tall and is therefore very unlikely to ever achieve highly in the sport when she's older.

I think it’s really weird to make cuts like that at that age. Based on the culture that suggests, I think your DD has dodged a bullet.

Can you find another group which is just for fun?

I don't fully understand but I thought gymnastics was very cut throat even at very young ages as that's when you have to start training to stand any chance?

Have you asked why she wasn't selected? Perhaps it's something you can work with her on?

@UpToMyElbowsInDiapers I think you may be right! I think I was just shocked as the gymnastics gym isn't producing any top level athletes and the pre-school sessions are very haphazard!

AIBU to feel that 4 is too young to cut a child from an activity that they love?

Have they though, or has she just not made the elite group?

@Sirzy yes I think I need to do this! I hadn't appreciated that what they were doing wasn't just for fun/the enjoyment of learning a new set of skills!

I understand the elite selections but it seems they odd that they also select for the recreational program?

Honestly, it's a blessing.
My nieces (one now adult and one just 6) were/are both elite squad gymnasts. It's brutal, expensive and massively time consuming. 6 year old is 5 days a week after school and isn't home until after 9pm. Let her enjoy recreational a few times a week and not be the one weeping over conditioning!

Theres pure recreational (no competitions) gymnastics. There are the “aiming for international level” groups. There are also many, many groups who do “fun” competitions-eg inter-club ones, and ones with just floor & vault, and all the ones who have kids compete grades (levels?) even if not in age.

Thete are so so many gyms with kids going multiple days a week for several hours at a time. They will call the kids in those groups “elite”. But work our just what teensy a proportion of those kids will compete nationally, never mind internationally. Not being selected at 4 is likely to do with her height, but it doesn’t mean she can’t find a club who will give her a place in a good class.

Yea my son did gymnastics at 4, we stopped because it seemed to start getting more serious and pressured for what we wanted.

so can she not join in at all if no selected?

Find a fun gymnastics group for her -and be grateful you and she will not be sucked into insane training schedules-

My DD(8) goes to a gymnastics class for fun. She most definitely will not be competing in any competitions or be selected for elite groups because she’s not in that league. I’m ok with that. She’s ok with that. The group is ok with that and let’s her just enjoy herself.

Find a better group that includes everyone.

Being tall is a huge disadvantage for gymnastics/figure skating. Often, coaches look at the parents to assess the "genes" and might decide the child will never make it at elite level because of their body type/height. It's the same with ballet.

On the other hand, for some other sports you have to be tall to succeed.

I remember being in the elite squad at school. We had to practice every lunchtime as well as an evening a week and during competition times at weekends. It’s a lot.

@Saz12 thank you for this. I think we need to find a different group/ club. I was very naive about what we were signing up for I think!

@worraliberty you are right - they haven't cut her from the pre-school section, but the implication from today's chat was that they were so oversubscribed that access to the recreational groups will be on merit/potential. I think I was just shocked as she is doing really well, but with a mum who is 6ft 1, she is never going to "make it" as a gymnast. I just thought that there would be access to all at this age

@worraliberty you are right - they haven't cut her from the pre-school section, but the implication from today's chat was that they were so oversubscribed that access to the recreational groups will be on merit/potential. I think I was just shocked as she is doing really well, but with a mum who is 6ft 1, she is never going to "make it" as a gymnast. I just thought that there would be access to all at this age

@worraliberty you are right - they haven't cut her from the pre-school section, but the implication from today's chat was that they were so oversubscribed that access to the recreational groups will be on merit/potential. I think I was just shocked as she is doing really well, but with a mum who is 6ft 1, she is never going to "make it" as a gymnast. I just thought that there would be access to all at this age

@worraliberty you are right - they haven't cut her from the pre-school section, but the implication from today's chat was that they were so oversubscribed that access to the recreational groups will be on merit/potential. I think I was just shocked as she is doing really well, but with a mum who is 6ft 1, she is never going to "make it" as a gymnast. I just thought that there would be access to all at this age

@XelaM yes I'm 6ft 1 so I don't think she will ever be an elite gymnast! But she loves it and it's a great platform for other sports. I competed internationally in a sport where height is a huge advantage. One of my coaches advised us that if we were to ever have children then gymnastics was a great starting place for so many other sports. I never realised it was so cut throat this young though!!

My DD loves gym but would never be Olympian / international standard (Both parents over 6ft, she broke a limb which restricts the joint movement, she didn’t start until she was 6, she just simply isn’t coordinated enough.... ). She went 4 hours a week until she was 10, now does 8 hours. She does really well in the level of competitions that suit her and completely loves it. She’s never had any injury, she’s phenomenally strong and fit, she’s made some great friends who aren’t competitive among themselves, she’s not expected to go to practice if she has a better offer (friends birthday, visiting relatives, whatever). 8 hours sounds crazy, but IMO she’s old enough to decide for herself now!

in your shoes, I’d go find a different gym - it sounds like yours is maybe more about winning not about the children. They probably are oversubscribed because they get great competition results....but a gym that “encourages” 4-year olds to quit recreational classes because they’ll be too tall isn’t one I’d like mine to go to.

Some clubs are selective and train purely for competitions. Others don't. Some are in the middle. Find one that suits your daughter.
My daughter just joined one of the middle types after being in the "just for fun" ones for 3 years. She's never going to be a pro, but enjoys it. It's great exercise so I am happy to encourage it, in an appropriate forum where she has fun and doesn't feel under pressure. I would never join a very competitive club (even if she was able) because I want her to enjoy it, not feel pressured by it.