Please help me fix my life

[Miserablelife]

My life is awful, every single aspect and I need some help and insight to try to fix it as I don’t feel like I can carry on it’s all just such a mess. Apologies this is long.

i think the root of it all is school fees. We can’t afford them. It is hideously stressful and with the cost of living we have cut back and cut back and now we have nothing left not even for cheap holidays and cheap days out, it is utterly utterly miserable. I feel completely trapped as DD is just finishing year 9, I can’t pull her out but I honestly don’t think my mental health can cope for another two years. I know that is horribly selfish and I need to suck it up as I made this decision but we are all so stressed and miserable.

I am self employed and massively overworked, I work from 9am to 2am 6 days a week. I have no time for myself, the children or DP and it’s not even that lucrative. It’s stressful, demanding and a lot of it is horrifically low paid. I despise at least half of it but can’t see a way out and the bits I do like I am massively underperforming on as I just have too much on.

i also have horrific periods that are painful and heavy but even when it’s gone I then get at least a week of hideous itching, insomnia and crashing tiredness and it all starts again.

i pull my hair out due to stress and it is really thin, damaged with massive bald patches. I am four stone overweight but don’t have time to exercise or eat well and I have no nice clothes, makeup etc due to no spare money.

Our house is scruffy, damp and old fashioned as well as full of clutter, it is so depressing but I have no time or money to do anything about it.

I have no friends, no family support and my relationship with DP is non existent.

The only joy I have is the kids and our very few days out but I feel guilty I have messed everything up for them, I m not present for them and I can’t give them any fun, holidays etc any more. We used to have an amazing life, holidays every school holiday and weekends away every month.

i just spend every day crying about how awful everything is and wishing I could go back three years and send DD to state with her friends. It’s all such a mess.

if anyone has pulled themselves back from such a mess in all aspects of their life I would love to hear your story, or if anyone can help me untangle this all I would be so grateful, something has to give soon as I can’t carry on.

Why did you send her private? If it was to give her the best start you can (which is a motivation I can 100% understand) take her out of private and spend 1/2 the money on extras. This is what we did, music lessons, sports clubs, drama club, tutoring. It’s not the same bells and whistles, there’s no sharp uniform or formal old fashioned events but, bugger me, the money lasts to the end of the month.

Absolutely zero compassion for anyone who sends their kid to fee paying school. It's the biggest driver of social inequality and makes for a miserable society for all.

And then to whine about the fees! It's no wonder people have a bad rep for being entitled.

Bloody hell. You know what you need to do. Prioritise yourself - otherwise your children will grow up thinking that motherhood = total martyrdom. Do you want this life for them in 30 years’ time?

I may have missed it, but what changed between the time when life was amazing and now?

You haven’t mentioned what your DP/DC’s father does or contributes? Is the balance in your family out of whack?

I’d also be curious to understand what’s changed since life previously was amazing - is it just the school fees, or business bad as pandemic hit, or something else?

There is a lot of prejudice against private schools on mumsnet so I wouldn’t necessarily assume that these people have your best interests at heart.
Go to the doctor and get help for your health issues.
Then consider what you need to do to ensure that your child can stay at the school you chose for her. It is not her fault that you can no longer afford it. Can you move to a cheaper house or flat? You can reframe this as preparing to downsize for retirement or to invest in your business.
Good Luck