Constant messaging annoying

[Serialcatmum]

Its driving me nuts! My mum just seems to send me messages whenever she’s bored!

I’ve had a busy couple of days (one in them was spent with my mum so I’m not neglecting her!) and I just want a bit of time to relax/ catch up with house chores. I stayed away yesterday at an event. My mum has sent me 18 messages today. Just saying things like “was it good?” Then later, “did you enjoy it?” And then “are you settled home now?” And “I might buy this (insert picture)” and other random questions like “what are you having for dinner then”.

it’s constant and it’s grating on my nerves as I don’t want to keep having to respond to messages asking questions and then not even really taking it in (as above she asked me the same question essentially in a different way a few hours later!

if I don’t respond she sends me another asking if I’m ok or what I’m doing. I’m a 44 year old married woman. I don’t need/ want my mum constantly checking up on me.

so, aibu- she’s old (she’s 75 and lives with her husband) and wants to stay in contact
or ainbu- you’re able to get in with your day and shouldn’t be expected to constantly respond to your mum just because she’s bored.

It sounds like she just craves contact with you. Could you not respond to at least some of the messages? Maybe set a limit for the day and stick to that, so that you stay sane. You might find your Mum sends fewer messages once she has heard from you for the day.

It doesn't sound like you're being unreasonable OP, particularly as you spent a whole day with your Mum. Could you just have a chat with her, and maybe explain that texts spread through out the day, are likely to get missed because you're busy, then perhaps suggest that if she wants a chat, she texts you and lets you know, and then maybe you'll be able to make time later on in the day? Just a thought, as that's what me and my DD do, but then I am younger, so maybe your Mum really is lonely and needs your support more than you realise.

What you need is a group chat for her to chatter away in all day. Any siblings/aunts/uncles?

Yanbu but it’s lovely she wants to chat to her daughter a lot. I’m slightly biased though as I used to have a lot of contact with my mum then she died. Not to make you feel guilty but you’ll miss it one day. Maybe have a word with her and say you don’t have time to respond to dozens of messages a day

Well I have responded several times saying I had a good time, that I was about to drive home, that I needed to cook dinner, that as kind as it was I’d her to offer I didn’t need a new printed diary as my online diary works well ( it thanks for offering to get me one of course). The 2 times I’ve not messages she’s asked if I’m ok/ asked me another question.

i adore my mum. We speak every week day for at least 20/25 mins and i I see her at least once a week for a coffee/ drop in. I would just like some breathing space.

We have a group chat with some other family members and she’s been in that today too and have pictures of my cousin sent over. Unfortunately she often uses the @ feature to ask me if I’ve seen it if I won’t reply to a cute picture my cousin has sent.. or she will then message me asking me if I saw it and thought it was lovely/ liked the jacket etc.

i know she’s probably bored and maybe lonely but she does have a large support network and someone at home…

Can't you just respond 'busy at the mo will reply later', That way you are acknowledging her message but making it clear you can't engage in a conversation now.

That’s a good plan, reply with “I’m busy at the moment, chat tomorrow” a few times and hopefully she will get the message. If she doesn’t just tell her “love you but I can’t and won’t be on my phone all the time!”

Maybe she's read some of the threads on here about mothers who don't take any interest and is over doing it 🙂

(And I'd love some interest from my long departed mum!)

But honestly though, as above, just fire off a 'Busy at the moment, catch up tomorrow' reply.

Maybe let her know you don't have your phone on all day and then respond in one go in the evening or a couple of times a day.

Teach her how to use mumsnet?

Introduce her to 'Gransnet', she may well make new friends on there, as there are lots of older ladies who use that site, and generally they're a pretty friendly bunch.

Yes your mum does sound lonely and it sounds like she's desperate for connection. Have you spoke to her about this?

Just mute the WhatsApp Chat or SMS chat you have with her and reply at the end of your day.