Am I being a hypocrite?

[tootiredtoocare]

We have a static caravan on a small owners-only site, i.e. the caravans are not rented out, only the owners stay in them. The site is on a working farm, in the middle of nowhere. There isn't any club house on site, it's very quiet, there's a small kids playpark, laundry facilities and a shower/toilet block because there is also an area for temporary tourers and campers. My DD, 12, has LD and is quite vulnerable, but this is the place we feel she is safest to have as much freedom as she wants, she can go out on her trike and cycle around the site, play in the play park etc on her own without supervision. We usually listen out for her and if we haven't seen her for a bit we'll go out to check where she is, but otherwise she is left to her own devices, until around 8.00pm. I wouldn't dream of doing this at home. This weekend, she met a little 5 year old girl whose family were in a tourer. I went up to say hello just because she was spending time there, they seemed fine, so I left her to it with her new friend, she came back around 6.00pm. On the second day, they played together most of the day, later the little girl came to our caravan, they had food and did some colouring. I suddenly realised it was 10.00pm and she was still with us, so I rushed her to get her shoes on and practically ran round to the tourers with her, expecting all the time to meet panicked family members wondering where their 5 year old was. I was a bit astonished that they didn't seem even slightly worried about how late it was when I got her back to them and they just waved and said goodnight as she ran into their awning. We've never done tourers, is it this relaxed on every camp site? Am I being hypocritical by letting my vulnerable DD run wild but expecting them to be more attentive with their 5 year old?

It doesn’t sound like their 5 year old caused you much trouble, and your DD spent time with them too? It’s a little odd on their part but I’m not sure it’s worthy of your judgement based on what you have said.

Yes, you are, why should it be one rule for you and another for them? Both children are too young to be running wild IMO.

@Chikapu too young at 12? Depends on her LD I suppose, but there's a vast difference between their ages.
It has nothing to do with Tourers, campsites or whatever, I would not let a five year old run around without knowing exactly where she is and that she was being supervised. Do you think her parents know about your daughters LD? Even so, being out at 10pm without previous agreement with you is odd.

Stay in your lane and leave others to do the same. It doesn’t matter what others do. I am intrigued by “never done tourers” do you mean you are wondering if the touring type of parent do things differently to the static type?? Strange. All parents are different regardless.

Presumably they knew she was with your dd / at yours ? Maybe they also didn’t realise the time?

@Sumtimesiamgreen no, I meant in terms of I don't know how relaxed people are on the touring sites - do kids generally get a lot more freedom than you would expect at home, and is the general position one of trust? I suppose just because by it's nature it's a lot more transient than the statics so you'd mostly meet strangers.

@statetrooperstacey they'd have known they were together, but they didn't know where our caravan was, or who was in it, except that I'd met the mum and said hello.

Sorry OP, I might be being thick, but I thought you said that they were all static vans on site, so how come there is suddenly a tourer? In either situation, I think you and the couple with the 5 year old, are BU, as they don't know you, or who you had with you, and you don't know them either, so in your shoes I'd have been worried about leaving my DD with LD with them, what if they hitched up and took her with them???

@tootiredtoocare your sit has tourers on too though, as shown here. So im not sure why you think you are so different? You don’t check on your DD unless you haven’t seen her in a while so she has a good amount of freedom too.

@Speakuptomakeyourselfheard I said, there is also an area for touring caravans. And I get your point, that's why I was wondering if it was just because I got so worried about having this little 5 year old still with me at 10.00pm when her parents didn't know where she was, but my DD had been around them a lot as well, so am I being unfair to them. I suppose, just because if it gets to 8.00pm I go looking for her and she comes home, or if I haven't seen her for an hour I'd go to check on her.

@BattenburgDonkey The statics are all owner-occupied, they're not rented out, so the population doesn't really change. The tourers, obviously, come and go so there are different people each week. That's all I meant in terms of difference.

I think they were very lax. I am assuming they thought that the 5 year old was with you hence she was supervised. How lax you are being depends on your dd's level of vulnerability. Most 12 year olds would be out and about on their bikes for a couple of hours on a safe site. However, a child with LD may not be. My dd has LD and asd and there is no way on earth I would be allowing her to wander around like that but your dd may be more capable than mine.

I would not be happy with my 5 year old hanging out in an unknown persons caravan any time of the day, let alone until 10pm. I find that oddly lax. I don’t mind my 5 year old being up late, or having some freedom around a camp site, but I’d want her to be in the open not in peoples tents/caravan.

no idea what your daughters needs are, so it’s impossible to comment.

I absolutely would not allow a 5 year old to do this. It depends on the 12 year old.

The different types of accommodation don't seem relevant to me. It's just not what I'd allow a 5 year old to do.