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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DD never wants to go home

26 replies

cucurucu · 05/06/2022 19:19

Is that normal ? Whenever we go out, she never wants to leave / come back home ? She's two and a half.

OP posts:
Tanaqui · 05/06/2022 19:20

Very very normal! I often used to resort to bribery, or borrowing a toy from playmates house (to return later, and they did the same!)

Sumtimesiamgreen · 05/06/2022 19:21

Normal - take it as compliment, she loves the trips you arrange.

Maytodecember · 05/06/2022 19:23

Kids live in the moment. If she’s having fun on a swing, playing with a friend, being fed sugar by granny ( sorry, that’s me, not all grannies) she can’t imagine it changing.
Thats why kids cry sometimes when you say it’s time for nursery/ playgroup/ school —- we can think, uuuggh don’t want to go to work but I’ll get a coffee on the way, chat to x , oh seeing y at lunchtime —- kids can’t do that until they’re mid junior age.

Original poster
cucurucu · 05/06/2022 19:25

I feel really bad. Like she hates what we do at home, but thanks ! You've made me feel a bit better !

OP posts:
Original poster
cucurucu · 05/06/2022 19:26

Maytodecember · 05/06/2022 19:23

Kids live in the moment. If she’s having fun on a swing, playing with a friend, being fed sugar by granny ( sorry, that’s me, not all grannies) she can’t imagine it changing.
Thats why kids cry sometimes when you say it’s time for nursery/ playgroup/ school —- we can think, uuuggh don’t want to go to work but I’ll get a coffee on the way, chat to x , oh seeing y at lunchtime —- kids can’t do that until they’re mid junior age.

Yes! Not happy to go to nursery !!! But grandmas house she loves and everywhere else basically ! But not nursery !

OP posts:
Mariposista · 05/06/2022 19:53

If it's any consolation I once walked out of reception on one of the rare days that my mum was able to do the school run and shouted I AM NOT COMING HOME. hahahaha she was mortified. don't worry OP, she just likes being out and about. Give her a countdown when you are due to leave, 10 min warning, then 5, 2 etc, and let her know we will always come back

ChocolateHippo · 05/06/2022 20:33

She can't think far enough ahead to rationalise "actually home is nice because it's safe and warm and my toys are there and we have lots of fun". All she knows is that she is having fun NOW and you want to stop her.

itsgettingweird · 05/06/2022 20:51

ChocolateHippo · 05/06/2022 20:33

She can't think far enough ahead to rationalise "actually home is nice because it's safe and warm and my toys are there and we have lots of fun". All she knows is that she is having fun NOW and you want to stop her.

This.

It's not she doesn't want to go home.

She doesn't want to leave where you are.

TheNinny · 05/06/2022 20:57

my goodness totally normal with my DD 2.5. She never wants to stop anything and cries when we do. It’s lessening now and I usually resort to saying let’s go watch iPad/get ice cream/get dinner/play on trampoline- whatever I think will work best at time, rather than just saying let’s go home. Usually works but sometimes she’ll cry no matter what.

HogDogKetchup · 05/06/2022 21:04

Yup! I pretend I have lost my car and ask him to help me find it, bribe with goodies/seeing Daddy at home/something exciting, anything really. Rather than say it’s time to go I make it into a bit of a game.

ChocolateHippo · 05/06/2022 21:10

HogDogKetchup · 05/06/2022 21:04

Yup! I pretend I have lost my car and ask him to help me find it, bribe with goodies/seeing Daddy at home/something exciting, anything really. Rather than say it’s time to go I make it into a bit of a game.

I do this too. It's not "Time to go home", it's "Let's go watch TV" or "Let's go have a snack". So you're offering something that's hopefully more/equally exciting in place of what's being taken away.

lljkk · 06/06/2022 07:36

Nightmare when DS1 was little. We went to playground in 3 hour blocks. DS1 simply wouldn't willingly leave in less time. When we ran out of snacks, basically. Was a reliable way to get him to eat fruit, I suppose.

DS3 shocked me... he always got bored at playground after 15-20 minutes & wanted to leave. Total opposite !!

Original poster
cucurucu · 06/06/2022 07:43

Thanks everyone, I feel so much better. I was really worrying about it, as it's only started recently.

I also say- come on let's go to get chocolate ice cream... and watch Peppa

OP posts:
Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 06/06/2022 07:45

She’s barely more than a baby. She doesn’t dislike her home, more that she doesn’t want to stop what she’s doing in the moment.

Whooshaagh · 06/06/2022 07:47

I always gave my two a five minute warning that we were going to leave.
It usually worked as they could finish what they were doing.
And a plain bread bun and water to give them on the way home distracts quite well and doesn’t ruin meal times.

mdh2020 · 06/06/2022 08:05

DD never wanted to come home and when we got home would always ask ‘what do we do now’. Was always happy to visit friends/ family and do sleepovers. couldn’t wait to leave home. Went to uni and them came home ‘for a few months’ and has never moved out. Is still here, twenty years later.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 06/06/2022 08:09

Yup mine is 6 now and still the same. Obssessed with being out with and seeing her friends. I give a 5 minute warning. Don't take it personally, they just don't want to leave where they are!

mizzo · 06/06/2022 08:12

I have an 11 year old who was very much like this aged 2, now it's a struggle to get him to leave the house Hmm

SoupDragon · 06/06/2022 08:14

I have fond memories of wrestling small children out of houses tucked, kicking and screaming, under one arm 😂

I once told DS2 that if he left nicely he could have a packet of Pokemon cards. He left so quickly it was almost rude.

Mindymomo · 06/06/2022 08:17

This reminds me of a work colleague who a first time Dad at 45. I asked him what he did at the weekend, he said we were in the park for over 3 hours, because his daughter didn’t want to go home and refused to get in the car, she was 2 years old. I told him that he was just letting her decide what she wanted all the time and he was letting her. He just said I can’t do anything to get her in car, I said you pick her up and put her in, it worked, but he said he hated upsetting her.

ShandaLear · 06/06/2022 08:18

I once tried an experiment with my 2 and 4 year olds. I took them to the park and thought, ‘We’ll stay here until they ask to go home’. Didn’t happen. We were there for hours. I’d packed lunch and water anyway but we ended up spending most of the day there. I caved in the end, otherwise they’d likely still be there!

billy1966 · 06/06/2022 08:23

Doing the 15 minute count down warning that we were leaving the park was a great tip I was given.

15, 10 then 5 minutes we are leaving.
No further discussion.

Not usual.
She loves the park, which is great.

Octopuscrazy · 06/06/2022 09:21

ShandaLear · 06/06/2022 08:18

I once tried an experiment with my 2 and 4 year olds. I took them to the park and thought, ‘We’ll stay here until they ask to go home’. Didn’t happen. We were there for hours. I’d packed lunch and water anyway but we ended up spending most of the day there. I caved in the end, otherwise they’d likely still be there!

This made me laugh! My kids are the same 😂.

Original poster
cucurucu · 06/06/2022 10:19

So she hates going to nursery though ! Like this morning I said, ok we are going to nursery, you're going to have lots of fun.. she then threw a massive tantrum ! Refused to get dressed and I had to practically drag her in there.

They say she's fine once I leave. So sad. It's the only place she doesn't want to go !

OP posts:
10HailMarys · 06/06/2022 10:41

Totally normal!

Full disclosure: I don't have kids. But my mum was a childminder throughout my tween/teen years right up until I went to university, and SO many toddlers (and some older kids, actually) kick up a fuss when it's time to go home. And quite often it was the same children who also used to cry when they were dropped off at our house. I think when they're still only little toddlers, it's just a reaction to a change they have no control over and can't rationalise/articulate because they're too little. They're sitting there doing one thing and suddenly someone announces that they're going to go somewhere else now - even if that's something perfectly nice that they will definitely enjoy, the change can just throw them a bit.

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