My DH says I'm lucky to spend so much time the kids but ..

[gihiviboo]

DH says I'm lucky to spend so much time with the kids doing fun things day to day, but we have been on holiday for half term and he spent most of the time doing something else other than spending time with the kids. For example we are in the pool, he's at the bar getting drinks for an hour, comes back kids get out. He then wants to go for a swim, whilst kids have an ice cream. He then goes to the toilet for an hour. We have lunch and he goes off to buy suncream. Comes back about 4pm and kids have had enough sun and want to go in. I mean honestly grrrrrrrr.

You send a child with him every single time 😈

He doesn’t want to be a parent / spend time with them.

Yes lucky you. Do him a kindness and make sure you fetch the drinks/suncream/whatever next time so he gets his fun time with the kids too.

Agreed. It’s too much of a coincidence that he’s never around or disappears for an hour at the time he could be spending with them.

That's very irritating.

As soon as he stood up to get x, y, z, I'd immediately ask why he needed to do that right now.

DH has form for this. Just popping upstairs to run the kids bath...he'd return 40 later. Same with laundry. It takes me 20 mins max to sort and hang stuff. Him an hour minimum. So now like PP said, I send the kids up with him. That sharpens his mind to the task.

I also no longer rush when I'm doing anything. He's never been foolish enough to comment because he knows exactly what he's doing.

do the same, and If your DH has any comment you'll have plenty of instances to remind him of his own failings!

I totally feel this. He likes the idea of having kids, but doesn't want to put any work in. He has two brothers and I see that they are exactly the same. DH does ask me why they don't run to him shouting Daddy I love you, when he gets home from work. I have mentioned you have to spend time together.

You need to decide whether this is something you can live with. For me it would be a deal breaker and I’d sit him down and tell him exactly that. Engage in family life as an equal parent, or ship out. But that’s me; you need to decide your own way forward.

If you did separate he'd have to step up during his time with them..

Who needs to go to the toilet for an hour

@MagnoliatheMagnificent seems a bit extreme to separate, just so he actually spends time with them. They are actually great Dc.

He was at the bar for an hour? Presumably he was getting drinks for 4 and not a round for the whole hotel.

WTF?

See I don't think it is, as @MyNameIsAngelicaSchuyler says it would be a deal breaker for me if DH didn't do anything with DD.

there's a thread called something like "my DH is a passenger in our marriage" which you might want to read because your DH sounds similar

Dh does ask me why they don't run to him shouting daddy i love you
Tell him that for children love is spelt t.i.m.e.

Years ago DH spouted similar crap to me , I went on a friends hen do for 3 days and I came back to a house that looked like it had been ransacked and a very frazzled DH. He said he never realised how hard it was to look after our 3 children at the time, cook, clean and wash. He never again said what do you do all day, he's been very appreciative even now years later.

Oh for goodness sake another mum complaining how she has to do everything with the kids while the husband gets away with doing jaff all....DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT THEN. Just turn around and tell him your off to the beach for a couple of hours on your own and just go. Why put up with it if it annoys you? Hes their dad, he has no excuse not to look after them, so just go and do what you want and leave him with the kids for a bit 🙄

@THisbackwithavengeance I have no idea. Talking maybe, we both don't drink alcohol so he wasn't necking shots.

YANBU. Don't tolerate this. my ex used to do this. Any excuse to not spend time with the kids. Whenever he wasn't working he'd be out in the garden, in the loft, in the garage, at the supermarket. He'd throw a strop when I objected. One time when the kids were really small I was in the middle of hanging up the washing ffs and he asked me to stop what I was doing to watch the kids (youngest was a mobile baby at the time so needed watching) while he did something else it was a symptom of him not pulling his weight which eventually became a dealbreaker

It's frustrating isn't it. Three kids as well, you think you'd have a clue after the first or second he wasn't exactly dad of the year

So agree with you and you are the first person I have read saying this (could be wrong). Part of getting married should be 'how to win an argument' especially if you are not on the wrong !

Hi OP does he find excuses to disappear in general or just when the kids are around? Do you not ask him 'you've spent 3 hours today getting suncream and drinks which should take about 10 minutes tops. Why are you really disappearing? What are you actually doing? why is scrolling your phone more important than spending quality time with the kids? Why is it fair to make me default parent and pick up your share of parenting without even discussing it with me? Even if you dont enjoy spending time with the kids, it's your responsibility and I'll be fucking off for half a day every day for the rest of the holiday time ensure you get as 'lucky' as me if you dont sort it out'

did you read the OP? She isn’t complaining about having to do everything. She isn’t complaining about spending time with the children. She’s complaining about her husband going on about how lucky she is to spend so much time with them, but when he has the opportunity to do so he doesn’t take it. Heading off to the beach on her own isn’t a solution to what she is complaining about.