To call DH out over attitude after family bereavement?

[HelloTreacle9]

An older (but not old) family member died recently. It was sudden, and shocking, and my family is distraught. We travelled some distance to see my immediate family today and DH (after insisting on coming) could not have made it clearer he did not want to be there. He didn’t even ask or commiserate with my family member about the loss, was on his phone while we did a toast, and was disrespectful throughout our visit in other ways. When we got back I (gently but firmly, don’t ever want his inevitable anger) said I thought he was a bit off and he exploded. All my fault for various reasons, apparently. (We’ve been together for 20+ years and It’s not the first time, no, so as not to drip feed).

You know who he is. The question is why you have tolerated his bullshit for 20+ years. You don't have to live this way, yet you choose to.

That’s disgraceful OP. I guess the attention wasn’t at all on him and it put him in a mood, does that sound correct?
I’m sorry for your loss

I'm sorry for your loss. I'm also sorry you have to deal with such a dick of a DH.

He's not going to change, why waste your life on him?

What a nasty piece of work he sounds OP.

Are you planning to continue to put up with him for another 20 years?🥺

I am sorry for your loss OP. Is at times like this, when things are tough, that someone's true colours really show. It isn't always what we'd hope to see. You probably already know what you should be doing about it.

Thank you all, so far. Yes, I already know what I should be doing about it. It’s not great all round but today highlighted a lot of stuff. There are votes that I am being unreasonable, though. Have I handled this situation badly?

Why on Earth did he insist on coming to the funeral? What did he think he was going to miss?

I'm sorry that you and the rest of your family had to put up with such trollish behaviour. I do hope you're in a position not to have to put up with it the rest of your life. If anything, having your family member die so suddenly must help you focus on how you want to live your life from now onwards. 🌹

I suspect that some of the people who have voted YABU think you are unreasonable for still being married to a man you fear to anger. I am sorry for both your loss and your situation.

Going by the numbers the YABU is one person who may have reasoned as nonames or simply hit the wrong button. Many don't realize you can change your votes.

My sympathies OP. Sudden losses like this are so unsettling even when it's just acquaintances. So much worse for your family, and so much worse to confront the simple awfulness if a partner in this fashion.

Where's his humanity ? Emotionally I'm fairly cold, but even I know your dh, was very ill mannered and basically a big pickle.

Some people struggle to deal with bereavement/knowing how to communicate with others who are grieving. That’s the charitable view. Sounds like there’s a lot more than that going on here. You weren’t unreasonable to challenge him but he was U to explode. Hope you find the strength to do what you think is right.