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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to remain her friend?

8 replies

Insidelaurashead · 04/06/2022 23:11

My brother is a different girlfriend every 5 minutes type. He always pushes them onto his family, rocks up with them for a family holiday or Christmas day etc, insists I should do X Y and Z with them, gives them my number, tells them to add me on facebook etc. I've got sick of this as I start to develop a relationship with the girl and then he dumps her and I miss the person I quite liked.

I have no relationship with him normally. He only bothers with me when there's a girl he's trying to impress, for context.

The latest one I resisted bonding with for ages. Also resisted bonding with her children. Wasn't mean to them, obviously, just didn't go out of my way to play with them etc. Then they split. And then they got back together, and we have bonded. I care about her and the children. They've just been on holiday together etc, it seemed like he wouldn't mess this one up. And then he dumped her.

She and I were planning a night away, a city break, soon. Her kids birthday presents are wrapped upstairs. She told me she's really sad we can't talk anymore, and I said no, why can't we? He is not my keeper. So, we are staying friendly. He is texting her abuse about his things he's left at her house and I offered for her to drop them with me as she doesn't want the children upsetting. She has done. This morning he has text me two abusive messages (and then I blocked the number) that I am no longer his sister, I am dead to him, I had better stay away from him for a long time, I'm a fucking disgrace.

AIBU for actually remaining friends with this girl? She isn't slagging him off to me, she hasn't attempted to. Why shouldn't I be friends with who I want to be and why does he think threats will stop me?

OP posts:
Triffid1 · 04/06/2022 23:13

Well, it sounds like your brother isn't a very nice man and clearly you don't have much of a relationship with him anyway. So I'd be inclined to stick with the woman and let him be "dead" to you.

cinq · 04/06/2022 23:14

Yikes

this girl has had a lucky escape from your brother.

you can choose who your friends are.

your brother sounds like an abusive piece of shit.

MelonsMelonsMelons · 04/06/2022 23:14

You’re not being unreasonable and he sounds like he’s about 12 years old. Ignore him and be friends with whoever you want.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/06/2022 23:16

Of course not, stay friends - although try not to be involved in any disputes with your brother.

your bro sounds like a class A wanker so just ignore the messages

Sometimeswinning · 04/06/2022 23:28

Had this! Bil goes through girlfriends the same way. They've always unfriended me on Facebook after being dumped (we don't live close) After the last ex unfriended me I messaged to check in because we got on well and she told me Bil had said to cut all contact with his family! We're fb friends again. Probably won't see each other again but I won't have anyone dictate my friendships!

KarmaStar · 04/06/2022 23:33

Sorry,he's a jerk.cut him off until he gets info his teens he is clearly still at school.

Insidelaurashead · 04/06/2022 23:42

I think he's abusive too. Yes I've said I won't get involved, I'll help her in terms of letting her drop his stuff here so she doesn't have to see him but that's the extent of any involvement from me. I will just continue to treat her like any other of my friends (none of whom I speak about my brother to)

OP posts:
xsquared · 05/06/2022 00:25

Your brother sounds extremely controlling. Dictating when to be friends with someone and then not whenever it suits him. You are your own person and he has no right to steer your relationships

I would take his cutting off messages as a blessing in disguise. Ignore him.

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