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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Selfish Family members?

10 replies

bobbinsboo · 04/06/2022 19:48

This happened last year. I'll try to keep it succinct.

BIL and DH agree to go halves on their fathers milestone birthday. Weekend in sat big motor racing event. DH pays for tickets, BIL accommodation-a motor home. Around a grand each. All fine.

Few weeks before event, we find out BIL bought a £700 tent instead of booking a motor home as agreed. This saves him a few hundred and he gets to keep it but never oks it with DH. We think this is not on.

Closer to the event, SIL who is 6 months pregnant, decides she doesn't want BIL to go to the event due to risk of covid in her pregnancy. I'm not against this per se. But she wants whole thing rearranged til next year. DH and FIL however still want to go. They don't want the tent they never agreed to so want to hire a motor home as originally planned. To cut a long story short, BIL was never going to contribute to this or anything now he's not going and he bought himself a tent! In the end he doesn't contribute to his dads birthday event, expecting his dad and my DH to pay which they did. A smaller contribution would have sufficed.

This caused a big argument last year. I think they're incredibly selfish. Was IBU?

OP posts:
Meraas · 04/06/2022 20:04

YANBU, BIL should never have agreed abs then reneged.

However, why didn’t DH cancel the plans after BIL refused to contribute?

bobbinsboo · 04/06/2022 20:24

Meraas · 04/06/2022 20:04

YANBU, BIL should never have agreed abs then reneged.

However, why didn’t DH cancel the plans after BIL refused to contribute?

DH had already paid for the tickets before realising BIL wasn't going to contribute...

OP posts:
Gymnopedie · 04/06/2022 20:58

The tent was sneaky. How old is FIL, or indeed DH, to be sleeping in a tent. But BIL now has a tent he's paid for (and may not get to use) so that's his look out.

The question to me is, did BIL still want to say the birthday weekend was from DF and him, or did he accept that it was all from DH?

Gymnopedie · 04/06/2022 21:00

PS And if BIL didn't go after DH had bought the tickets (presumably three) did he give DH the money for his ticket that he didn't use, or is that just lost money to DH?

bobbinsboo · 04/06/2022 21:25

Gymnopedie · 04/06/2022 21:00

PS And if BIL didn't go after DH had bought the tickets (presumably three) did he give DH the money for his ticket that he didn't use, or is that just lost money to DH?

No he didn't offer any money. DH tried to give it to a friend but they couldn't go in the end so he lost the money for that ticket

OP posts:
bobbinsboo · 04/06/2022 21:26

Gymnopedie · 04/06/2022 20:58

The tent was sneaky. How old is FIL, or indeed DH, to be sleeping in a tent. But BIL now has a tent he's paid for (and may not get to use) so that's his look out.

The question to me is, did BIL still want to say the birthday weekend was from DF and him, or did he accept that it was all from DH?

I've no idea his thoughts on who the weekend was from. FIL was 60 and suffers a bad back

OP posts:
MountainClimber22 · 04/06/2022 21:30

Yanbu! BIL sounds like a right sly one.

easyday · 04/06/2022 21:39

Yes but good behaviour. But why are you still bothered by it? It's between the three of them.

bobbinsboo · 04/06/2022 21:47

easyday · 04/06/2022 21:39

Yes but good behaviour. But why are you still bothered by it? It's between the three of them.

Because I think BIL effectively owes DH money, he was selfish and didn't treat him well?

OP posts:
autienotnaughty · 04/06/2022 23:15

Bil should have paid for his own ticket if he didn't want to go and half of fils ticket/accom as his gift.

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