Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put my 4 & 1/2 year old back in nappies?

28 replies

ColourfulOnesie · 04/06/2022 18:18

DD is 4 & 1/2, she’s been fully potty trained day and night since just after she turned 3, fully competent in toileting herself for a long time
Until the last few weeks when she has been pooing herself

Sometimes it’s full solid poos and she walks around like she’s got a football down her pants, others we’re unaware until we’re getting her ready for bed and there will be smaller amounts of smushed dried up poo all over her

I am losing the will to live
I have no idea why she’s doing this, I’ve asked her 100s of times, I’m throwing away 2-3 pairs of underwear daily, she’s getting sore from sitting in it for long periods, but she will not stop

I am honestly at the stage of thinking fuck it I’ll just put her back in nappies until she’s ready to stop it
What on earth else can I do?!

OP posts:
Kanaloa · 04/06/2022 18:20

I don’t think that’s a good idea since she is competently potty trained. Firstly if my child started having this issue suddenly I’d probably take a trip to the GP. It could be constipation. Then I’d have a chat with the child and implement regular ‘having a try’ sit downs so they aren’t becoming engrossed in play and forgetting. Putting them back in a nappy is hardly the answer.

Cinnabomb · 04/06/2022 18:20

Is she constipated? That would be my first bet. You can get runny: watery poo and smearing with constipation - not just hard rabbit pellets. I’d keep a stool diary and take her to the gp to see if she’s constipated.

drink plenty of water in mean time

44PumpLane · 04/06/2022 18:22

Is she constipated?

If she's been fully toilet trained for a year and a half, there is something going on in order for her to be having so many issues. You need to find out what that is, you cant just stick her back in nappies.

Has anything changed?

feelinghappy · 04/06/2022 18:24

Is she constipated or had problems with constipation before it started? Sometimes young children can get in the habit of 'holding' (trying not to do a poo) because it may have been painful and so avoid going on the toilet?

purpleme12 · 04/06/2022 18:24

Agree with the others.
Doesn't seem normal when she's been going to the toilet ok for so long

Stompythedinosaur · 04/06/2022 18:24

I would bet constipation too. Or has she previously been constipated, had a painful poo and is now withholding?

Both my dds have had issues with chronic constipation and have had periods of having poo accidents. The things that helped were closely monitoring they have high enough fluid intake, and insisting they sit on the loo for a while while I read to them or them play on a tablet.

Getting cross or doing anything that might humiliate them is not going to help with breaking the negative association with doing a poo that results in withholding.

fallfallfall · 04/06/2022 18:25

it will be a bowel issue (most likely chronic constipation) that needs medical advice not diapers.
and even if you go every day doesn't mean you've fully emptied your bowel.
a quick trip to the dr will give you medication and support.

Stompythedinosaur · 04/06/2022 18:25

Also, no need to throw the pants away. Solid poo goes down the toilet (or give them a wipe with loo roll if needed) and pop them in the washer on a high temp.

MistyFrequencies · 04/06/2022 18:27

As everyone else said, check re constipation and go to GP. There's a reason she just started this. If it's not medical then I'd be asking myself has anything else significant changed for her recently? Don't put her back in nappies, I can't see how that helps.

JustDanceAddict · 04/06/2022 18:28

Definitely constipation- my dd struggled for ages with it and wasn’t reliably pooing in the loo until nearly 4.

Original poster
ColourfulOnesie · 04/06/2022 18:28

She isn’t in any pain, I’ve asked her this lots of times, and she does appear to be making a conscious effort to poo herself sometimes, like today she’d gone to the toilet but instead went and stood in the bedroom and pood herself?! This is why I was thinking it was more behavioural than anything

Absolutely nothing has changed at all

Getting in to a gp in our surgery atm is like getting into Buckingham Palace, twice now I’ve booked her an appointment (all still only happening over the phone) and twice they haven’t rang and barely have mustered an apology, those are the times I’ve actually got through to make an appointment, the other times I’ve been sat on hold for 45 minutes only to be told they’re all gone
I will keep trying
In the mean time I’ve been upping her fluids and been giving her some awful tasting fig syrup thing which is all the chemist could sell me without a prescription

I won’t actually put her back in nappies I’m just soooooo frustrated with it now it’s really getting me down

OP posts:
Original poster
ColourfulOnesie · 04/06/2022 18:30

Ah sorry I replied before I had lots of replies

Can you really be constipated and poo 3 times a day??

OP posts:
Whyamievenhereagain · 04/06/2022 18:31

You need to take her to the GP.

As well as the health issues others have mentioned, it is common for young children to have toilet issues directly related to anxiety etc. What has she got going on in her life that could be upsetting her?

Original poster
ColourfulOnesie · 04/06/2022 18:35

@Whyamievenhereagain I honestly can’t think of anything, nothing at home has changed at all, I’ve been in to school to see how she’s doing there if people are kind to her etc they said there is no issues, I’ve asked her about the toilets at school she doesn’t seem to be scared or unsure how to use them etc
I just have no explanation whatsoever

OP posts:
rad247 · 04/06/2022 18:40

Feel your pain, this can be incredibly frustrating. Don't go back to nappies though, you've come so far and she will lose all the good work you've already done. Has she started school? That can snap them out of it too. Defo speak to GP if you can as well. Solidarity to you, you'll get through it ✊🏻

Kanaloa · 04/06/2022 18:56

Oh you absolutely can be constipated and still poo often. It’s happened to me when I was unwell and frequently happens to ds8. It’s like there’s a block but little bits still get by. It’s painful too!

Kanaloa · 04/06/2022 18:57

And I find if ds has a period of constipation it sets him back because of the discomfort if you know what I mean? Even after the constipation is actually gone.

Stephenthesupersquirrel · 04/06/2022 19:00

Constipation a common issue. Also worms made my youngest poo herself but at nighttime. If it’s behavioural then is there anything that’s changed recently to upset her? Try a star chart for poos in the toilet and for sitting to try after meals?

SleepingStandingUp · 04/06/2022 19:03

Yes, you can be constipated and poo regularly. The detail is in what the poo is like. And constipation can suppress the nerve that gives the sensation to poo hence pooing pants. However if you're convinced she's doing it on purpose I'd also try sitting her down regularly and getting her to blow bubbles, sitting on the loo long enough for everything to relax not a 20 second hop and rewards for pooing in the loo.

Why are you throwing away pants though?

I'm surprised you can't smell it more though if you're saying she's got dirty pants so long her bum is sore

Hunkyd0ry · 04/06/2022 19:05

My daughter is similar and it’s so frustrating. She never does full poos but lots of smears. It seems to go in phases. I hadn’t thought it was constipation as when I looked up advice it didn’t seem to fit but after reading this I might give the doctor a call.

Lostmymarbles1985 · 04/06/2022 19:07

Take her to the doctors get her checked make sure nothing is wrong.
If it turns out it is behaviour and isn't being triggered by something, make her clean herself up.
A friend had similar. She explored every possible avenue she could think of but her dd carried on. One day she made her clean her self up and wash her knickers under a tap. That was the last time her dd pooed herself.

Original poster
ColourfulOnesie · 04/06/2022 19:12

I have to throw away the underwear when it’s been there a while as it’s so dried on it stains
And weirdly @SleepingStandingUp it doesn’t smell of anything at all

The poo itself is generally quite dry I think, when I originally went to the chemist I was looking for a stool softener but all they could offer me over the counter was the fig syrup which actually did help a bit in the beginning
I will definitely be trying to get her in to see a GP

OP posts:
KeepingItReal2017 · 04/06/2022 19:18

I think you need to get a Gp to check her for chronic constipation. She could be backed up & then the poos you see are overflow. Sounds highly likely to me. Especially as once constipated the colon stretched and then loses the sensations of wanting to poo, hence her seemingly not knowing.

KeepingItReal2017 · 04/06/2022 19:20

I know a lot about this (unfortunately!). But if it’s dry poo, I honestly think she’s constipated. You’d need a stool softener like Movicol on prescription & do a big clear out (plan to be at home for a few days), when she’s cleared out you stay on a low dosage of movicol so that her colon has time to recover etc. Don’t be fobbed off - get seen by a GP as it’ll only get worse.

nocoolnamesleft · 04/06/2022 19:24

www.eric.org.uk is a useful resource.