Aibu to ask if you still tidy your young teen's bedroom?

[Funkyslippers]

My DD is 13 and is the most untidy person ever. I can come home from work and will instantly be able to tell you what she's done since she's got in as she leaves a trail of clothes, food wrappers, glasses, crumbs, papers etc from the front door to the kitchen!

Anyway I would gladly never set foot in her room again, and she'd be happy with it too but if I didn't she would just lose things or stuff would get broken as she rarely puts anything away. But part of me thinks be it on her own head even though I get upset when important or expensive stuff gets lost or broken.

Just wondering what other people's thoughts are of a young teen's bedroom and whether it should just become a no mum's land?!

I confess I do - I think a calm, tidy peaceful bedroom is really important for a calm mind. A bedroom should be a bit of a sanctuary. In saying that - he needs to bring down all plates, cups and glasses and bring down the rubbish bin at least weekly. I think he'd prefer I didn't tidy it but until he starts doing it (which he might just to stop me doing it) I'll keep doing it for a bit longer. That saying - I only hoover and polish once a week and chuck all the clothes from the floor into the laundry hamper so not much. It might feel very differently when he's 15 or 16 but it's ok for now.

I would tidy it then nag her daily to tidy up at the end of the day so you don't need to do it again.
It's a good habit.

Leave it.
We also had a no food in bedrooms rule and a "it doesn't get washed unless it's in the dirty washing basket" rule. And a "you must open your window at least once a week" rule. Other than that, they were left to it.

Nope - I go in once in a while to fumigate and give the whole room a scrub, fresh bedding and a vacuum so they know how it should look - other than that - it’s all theirs.

Certainly not but nor is it just left to fester. If they want laundry done it has to be put in the laundry bag, if they want food they have to bring used cups/plates down, they have to change their beds every couple of weeks and they have to clean it every school holiday (minimum, they are welcome to do more). This means it's not as clean as I'd like but neither is it a total shit pit. They can move out if they want one of those.

Only when we chuck him out of it for extra guests and then only after he has done a 'clean' - his standards and mine are very different. We have a guest room but when they bring kids esp girls we sometimes get him to share with his little brother who has a pullout.
Periodically I stick my head in his room and remind him to change the sheets, put clothes in the wash or hoover. TBF he's messy rather than disgusting. We don't eat in bedrooms which helps I think.

No. I remind her to tidy it regularly. Occasionally I tell her she can't do x or y (insert activity of choice) until room is tidied.

I would do similar to what another poster suggested and do a big clear out with her and a proper tidy up, and then make sure she keeps it that way. If she doesn't, then she loses a privilege like pocket money or internet access or whatever until it's tidy again. I think we all go through stages of having messy bedrooms as teens, but she needs to get into good habits otherwise it may get worse. Try and help her to nip it in the bud now.

I pop in every day to pick up any laundry, pots rubbish, or open a window to air.

It's vacced daily, and polished/ bedding changed weekly. I ask her to tidy after herself and some days are better than others.

It's probably lazy parenting, but it only takes a minute.

I do, he has to tidy, but I clean it once a week. Having a clean house is important to me, I would get anxious if his room was a shit tip.

I do. It's such a mess and DC just doesn't see it and actually likes the mess. I usually tidy once a week when they are out. They know I do it but we don't mention it. I do ask for plates/ food/ dirty clothes to be brought downstairs but it doesn't always happen. I shut the door, so I cannot see the chaos, I'm not even particularly tidy myself!

Two teens, both bedrooms an absolute mess. DS18 room is a pig sty, food, wrappers, plates. I don’t go in there anymore, as it gives me the ick. He says it’s not dirty just untidy, but the mouldy food and debris says otherwise.🤮

I don't understand people that do it for them when they become teenagers, they have to start being responsible for their own environment (and stuff) at some point, otherwise they become those useless young adults that expect the magic cleaning/washing fairy to sort their lives out (or failing that some other poor mug that lives with them)

I did tidy one child’s room because she seemed to struggle so much with that kind of activity in adolescence. She is now an adult and pretty tidy. Sharing university accommodation makes it pretty clear how important it is and she didn’t want to be the one everyone complained about. So my ‘nagging’ eventually paid off.

I dust and do a brief surface tidy for my DS most weeks, and change his bedding.
he is quite messy and his room would be a tip if I didn’t.
he is 18
yes I am slightly embarrassed about that

No. Their rooms are not to the standard I would like, but it's their space and their responsibility. With all 4dc there were/are times where I've had to demand they sort out their rooms but on the whole, with time, they realise it's easier/nicer to keep on top of the cleaning.

We expect ours to tidy when asked, roughly every 2-3 weeks, so I can run a duster over and vacuum. They are slowly taking over the cleaning bit. DS, 13, is autistic so still had a lot of support with the organising, but is pretty amenable if I time it right. Occasionally DD15 gets totally overwhelmed and I will go in and have a big sort out with her, but that's always been with her not without since she was about 5. DD changes her sheets when asked, DS has a good try. I still go through their clothes with them every season change too, write a list of what they're short of and just shop for those things.

I guess I give a load of support about twice a year, and in between mostly it's just nagging. One day they will probably just say no, and then we will need a new tactic.

It's so much harder than when they were little! But for me, 80% of it is the "management" - getting rid of outgrown clothes, books and toys, having a simple system with a place for everything, not overloading drawers. Support that bit and the actual tidying is much easier for them.

I hoover up around his crap on the floor that's about it, he's old enough to pick up after himself he wants to sit in a mess then that's his choice.

No but he was stopped from taking food up there as was sick of rotting food smells.
If its not in basket it doesn't get washed.
Window open daily!
Bed stripped weekly

If that's not done the console controller gets removed.
He can live how he wants in a mess but un airred smell is a no no

Bedrooms have to have reached a certain standard the day before pocket money is due or they are charged a cleaning fee. 😂

It means that once a month they reach a reasonable standard so the mess doesn't get too much of a chance to build up.

DS is pretty tidy so I don't need to help but I was a very messy teen. My mum would come in every few weeks and tidy/clean my whole room. It always felt like a huge relief when she did it. I just found it a bit overwhelming, I didn't know where to start and I never meant to make a mess, it just kind of happened! I'm thankfully a very tidy adult.

I leave/left my DC's rooms to them.No food upstairs and I wander in to open windows ,repatriate mugs or have a little moan from time to time.If they get too awful , two of them are dreadfully untidy, I do occasionally tackle things.They change their own beds and put dirty clothes in the laundry basket.

Young teen 1 keeps a spotless room, which I hoover. Young teen 2 lives in squalor. I do clean as he wouldnt. He has asd and things like pitting in dirty clothes dont bother him, so i have to go in and fish them out.

Nope. Once a week she is asked to do a proper tidy up, having left her phone down stairs. If it takes her hours it takes her hours, but it's her space: her mess so up to her to sort it out.

Rooms must be left tidy before they go to school, tody once a week where they empty wash bins, waste bins and water plants and i hoover and dust (clean windows and mirrors)