Gift not received

[tableanadchairs]

DH and l both had significant birthdays in December. Very low key celebrations as we are not keen on being the centre of attention. We went over to DSIL's house for a family dinner where l was given a gift- arranged by SIL and DH's gift was being arranged by his brother who was also there.
6 months later said gift has not appeared and not been mentioned again. DH just shrugs his shoulders and said he expected no less from his brother. Now these gifts were in the mid hundreds of pounds but his brother is very wealthy ( think tax exile for a while) so definately affordable.
Our issues are that

1. SIL would be so upset to know that her brother hadn't received his gift
2. It's BIL significant birthday early next year and we will be expected to buy him a gift and it riles both me and DH that he will have no thought or care about not buying DH's gift This is not the first time something like this has happened.

DH is unsure what to do - so i thought l would ask here and show him the replies.

Would he be unreasonable to mention it-- and if so to who? His brother or sister?

so
AIBU = let it go
AINBU = mention it

Thanks

Definitely mention it!

Maybe approach it from the angle that they will need to chase up/log an issue with the postal carrier they used as the gift hasn't arrived, and you're concerned that they have spent money on something you haven't received.

Just tell them you haven't received it

Group chat and say you are phew glad you aren't doing adult gifts right now
Make sure he gets naff all.

I'm confused why you've not told them it hasn't arrived for six months?

They're probably assuming it arrived months ago!

This

I would message and say it has just occurred to you that nothing had arrived and you remember them saying they had arranged something and you hate to think they'd never had a thank you.

or do the same. hope you like your gift... and then don't send anything.

if they ask say - it's that post service - like ours it must have got lost!

If he had sent the gift , I would assume he may have “chased” you for a think you . Sounds like he didn’t bother .

Sorry been travelling on holiday.
I didn’t explain properly- this gift was to be at a major football stadium a meal a tour hospitality etc as Bil knows one of the directors ( they play golf together) but nothing has ever been mentioned again.
It is just so awkward

Literally don’t chase just say happy birthday on their day and leave it at that. If a gift is mentioned just say you never got anything so assumed that was the way forward. Don’t give it another thought. They clearly don’t. Why tie yourself in knots about it.

Well that makes it really easy, group chat... Bil as its your birthday next month and you still haven't got round to doing anything for darling husbands do you want to do the meal and stadium tour together for your birthday and we will get you a new football top to wear to it, what date would you like to do?

All the best op

Hi Brother, I've gone through my diary and the dates I am free fir my birthday treat at the football stadium are xx and xx or xx etc

Which one suits you best?

I think don’t play these games. It doesn’t have to be awkward, just send a text that you were wondering when the stadium thing is happening. He probably just got busy and it slipped off his radar. Not a big deal to remind him.

Just remind him?

If I was your DH I would text saying the diary is filling up this year, any idea when the football day is as you really don’t want to miss it.

Option A) hi BIL, since the summer holidays are coming, work starts to ease, and all football tournaments have finished, we were thinking it would be a great time to arrange that tour for DH. Did you have any dates in mind?

Option B) Hi BIL, I wanted to arrange a surprise for DH for anniversary/support during pandemic/being a great dad/whatever. I was thinking that maybe I could do something during the same weekend of the tour, to give him a week to remember. I was thinking of booking a romantic night away for after your event. Do you have any dates?

Ask him when heck are they going to the game, easy peasy.

Ask him if he wants to do it as a joint birthday day out and see what his reply is.

I would just casually mention it, and assume it was innocently forgotten about. Obviously it depends on your relationship - you say that DH doesn't expect anything less from him, which makes me think there might be a big back story here.

Maybe he promised what he couldn’t deliver
a family member was a director of a lower league club, he got a certain number of tickets/or there were tickets available to other matches in directors boxes

they were always in demand and he could always get them, certainly not really enough for beyond family and close friends

they didn’t cost anything

I agree! DEFINITELY mention it. How you do that depends on the relationship between the brothers: genuine oversight vs deliberate, selfish, never gonna happen. Maybe raise it with sister 1st? Definitely don't just accept it & go on to buy something costly for HIM!!!!