If you have a girl with autism

[RibNSaucyArseCrack]

Can I ask what were the first symptoms you started noticing?

I know that it can present differently in girls than in boys, I have a 7 year old girl I’m a bit worried about.

I have 2 girls with aspergers. They are both very different to each other. One found primary school very challenging and was in trouble most days, the other kept her head down and masked so well her teachers had no idea.
Both of mine are teens now and are different but quite happy with who they are.
If you are concerned you can speak to your gp and ask for referral for assessment.

Dd now 17 struggled when she was younger at primary school in the following ways: cried nearly every day going into school from reception to around year 3, struggled with friendships, was always either on the edge of friendship groups, alone, or played with boys, was always in "nurture groups" because of her sensitivity, hated parties and large groups/crowds, very able academically, but I always felt she was about 1 - 2 years behind emotionally to her peers. Lots of anxiety and struggled to get to sleep nearly every night. Hated and despised change of any kind, really threw her off balance. I think excessive anxiety in younger girls, combined with other social difficulties is the klaxon to consider that ASD might be present.

DD's diagnosis at 4 was a complete shock to me as I hadn't spotted anything!

Hindsight however...controlling her environment, clothes, food, lights, noise all critical to her. Fixed boundaries - would only play her chosen games at break time. Obsessive sensory seeking activities- especially anything to do with water. Came home from Reception exhausted- they all are I know - but she'd tip over in to a chaotic state once she was home.

However DD also has learning disabilities so that complicated the picture.

Can you speak to the SENCO?

looking back the symptoms were obvious very early on. she walked on tip toes, no eye contact, she flapped her hands, wouldn’t sleep unless on someone. She didn’t show interest in anything.
Speech was okay initially but severe regression around 15 months. She would only say mama, wouldn’t walk, she wanted to be rocked. She did get walking back but speech so delayed that I spoke with health visitor and signed her up for play session with local speech therapist. By this time I had my suspicions but worked on the issues (speech, motor skills etc)
On her first session the speech therapist referred us to the community team she was part of and at the first session she spoke with us and advised that she was part of the local diagnostic team and she felt our daughter was autistic. We were referred that day, she was 2 and got her official diagnosis a year later.
she still flaps, needs rocking, her comprehension is way behind her reading ability. Her motor skills are better. She is now 12.
what are your concerns?

My dd is autistic but wasn’t diagnosed until mid teens because she masked a lot, but with retrospect I can see the autistic traits that were always there, she has always had sleep issues, hated noise, I always cut the labels out of her clothes, she can be very blunt in what she says, she has situational mutism (eg at doctors), although she makes friends she often doesn’t keep them for long (although she now has a group of amazing friends). The final thing that sent us on the path to diagnosis was at around puberty when her anxiety sky rocketed and she just couldn’t cope or mask any more.

Diagnosis has been amazing for her in letting her be herself and stop masking so much.

Interesting thread. I have an 8 year old who struggles with sleep and social situations. Wants to stay home rather than go to school but is fine once she is there. Has friends but is happy to play by herself. I don't know if I should be worried or if this is just her?

DD1 was diagnosed at 15, a couple of years after her younger brother had been diagnosed with ASD.

Early indications included taking a long time to learn to catch a ball at age 2-3 (it turns out she’s very dyspraxic), finding school exhausting right from the beginning, significant difficulties with friendships until about age 14, struggling to handle fairly minor disappointments, and trying to control her environment. Lots of anxiety. Can’t back down from conflict (e.g. with other kids at school).

None of these things were ‘extreme’ but taken together she was always somewhat different from most other girls the same age.

She’s at Uni now and coping but not always finding it easy. Everything is very intense for her. She’s a lovely person but finds things harder than her peers seem to.

It’s traits not symptoms, first noticed at 2 as she didn’t speak at all, not a single word. Went to the drs, was referred to paed who then suggested autism. She didn’t speak a single word until she was 4. My girl has never masked so that isn’t always the case, my daughter wouldn’t know how to mask she is the same everywhere.

Notthis, your story is similar to mine in that my daughter has just been diagnosed at 14 with ASD and ADHD, I have kicked myself so much for not picking up on this earlier but doctors had put her delayed speech down to hearing problems she had as a toddler up to age 8, they then said she had slow processing disorder too so the meltdowns fitted in with her being frustrated. Diagnosis has helped us understand her more and she is a lot better in herself now she knows there's a reason for why she feels like she does. Looking back though the signs were there, meltdowns everytime there was a family get together, clothes labels having to be cut out, hated the theatre, or Loud playtime, she used to cover her ears up (we were told it was the glue ear distorting the sounds), can't imagine other's situations, play was never imaginative, always building or lining toys up, very blunt, never liked cuddles. She is however a very loving girl but just shows it differently.

op if you're at all.concerned, push for an assessment, girls mask it really really well, but the earlier you can get help for her the better the outcome, I wish with all that I am that I'd realised sooner

So my 7 year old is starting struggle socially.
She has quite bad anxiety and doesn’t want to leave me or her baby brother. She’s started avoiding doing things she likes now due to fear of new people, large groups and loud noises. She doesn’t want to go to her best friends birthday party, she no longer wants to go to choir (which she loves!). Some mornings she struggles with going to school.
i have bought her some ear defenders which have helped her quite a bit.
Behaviour wise she’s absolutely perfect. Quiet, obedient, loving, hilarious, smart, curious. But when pushed out other comfort zone she really struggles. She’s only ever had 3 tantrums in her life and those were when she was 6 and we moved house and schools ( so completely understandable). She needs to be touching me at all times, which triggers MY (suspected) autism as I really don’t enjoy being touched by anyone and it had led to some resentment between us. She kicks off massively if I leave her with her dad which is miserable for him too.

Im just a bit exhausted with it and finding it really overwhelming. People don’t really listen to me because she’s so well behaved so don’t see what the issue is but she’s very very emotionally needy.

She fixates on things too and will only want to talk about that thing. I could say to her “can you just come with me to do this please” and she will just respond with something about her game. Like she doesn’t hear me at all.

i love her very much but I’m finding her really hard work.

My daughter received her autism diagnosis last week at age of 18. It was suggested that she may be on the spectrum two years ago by psychologist she was seeing for help with a accepting a medical issue. I would never have guessed as she is very different to her father and a brother who are also autistic.
Looking back the signs were probably there earlier. She had anxiety and found secondary school difficult to fit in.

3 of my girls have ASD and 1 boy.

The girls are very similar. 2 were diagnosed quite late (12 and 16) with younger dd got early diagnosis at 2

eldest was a very early talker (6 months/by 1 year full in depth conversation and huge vocabulary and understanding- could have extremely intelligent conversations with adults who were usually shocked. She would not even speak to other children at nursery though and would vomit and tell us the ‘babies’ made her feel sick as they were dirty/smelly/noisy eater)

she was very far ahead with school work and put on gifted and talented programme and was years ahead. She had zero social skills though and couldn’t make friends. Couldn’t eat with others .,

dd2 seemed ok at first didn’t talk too early and seemed ok except hated certain textures. She masked intensely and had a full breakdown at 12

dd3 lines things up obsessively and has great difficulties. Doesn’t talk and uses our hands as tools all the time. Flaps a lot.

just to add when I took my daughter to the drs I wasn’t thinking autism I was just going because everyone said it was weird that she couldn’t speak and said I must not be speaking to her and that’s why she doesn’t speak, which of course I was so wasn’t expecting to be told autism.

Write it all down. Everything. All those adjustments she needs. You might think about a chat with SENCO but otherwise just see your GP and ask for a referral.

I REALLY sympathise over the constant need for touching - DD is exactly the same and I struggle with it too. For me it's one of the most challenging areas.

I've always thought dd2 (now almost 14) had it, and when she was in year 1 I asked the sendco if she thought dd had any traits. She said no so I let it drop. Cue secondary school and she absolutely hated it. She managed year 7 -just- because dd1 was there, but then she left and dd2 shut down. Didn't attend for almost a year before I finally got her into a unit for anxious kids. Currently being "assessed" if you can call it that. CYPS has given us both a survey then nothing else. In fact we haven't seen cyps for almost 6 weeks!

Dd2 also had/has aversions to noise, very blunt, trouble sleeping, meltdowns etc. Probably a few other things to go with autism but no idea if they get diagnosed along with autism, or if they are separate assessments.

Hi, my DD was diagnosed at 17 with ASD after a long battle with CAMHS, GP and school. I suspected from about age 7. She had showed signs of echolalia, fixed interests, so blunt her nickname was TruthSerum, and increasing difficulty socially. She masked well and also had epilepsy so I think health professionals were reluctant to recognise the other significant signs that something else was going on too. One (since retired) GP said ‘Oh, she’s normal, she reads normal books...’ 🙄Senco at primary was useless, Senco at secondary overwhelmed with children with much more obvious needs.
DD is much happier in herself after diagnosis, it’s provided so much reassurance and helped her understand herself. Things have improved socially, although I think she may always find it harder than her NT siblings, and she is off to Uni in September.

We started the diagnostic process for DD when she'd just turned 7, and finally got the diagnosis by the time she was 9.5.

It was her struggles with socialising with other children, some sensory issues (around clothing and lighting/noise) and with any disruption to her routine that clued us in, but in hindsight there were earlier signs that we just didn't recognise.

She was an incredibly high needs baby - barely slept, even from the day she was born (she's still a dreadful sleeper), and cried all the time if she wasn't being held by me. As a toddler she had dreadful "tantrums" that I now recognise were meltdowns, and was very tough to toilet train - was 6 before she was reliably dry.

Before she started school she had some good buddies, but the older she gets the harder she finds it to relate to other kids. She's 10 now and pretty lonely and isolated. Seeing her with other kids, I think she's better liked than she realises, but she can't recognise overtures of friendship - she's got such a fixed idea of what it means to have friends, she doesn't recognise she's actually got some.

She's super bright and very academic, so the school aren't worried, and all the diagnosis seems to have done is give them some box to tick to say they're supporting her. They've not been great, tbh. My goal for secondary school is to find one that sees the whole child and is as interested in her mental health and well-being as they are in her academic achievements.

She's an amazing, clever, loving young woman with a great sense of humour and an incredible imagination, but she's vulnerable in ways I hadn't fully appreciated when she was younger, and I worry about her future and how to support her.

Oh, and she didn't walk till 2.5, but talked very early.

She still hasn't received a diagnosis as we are waiting for her hearing test, but all professionals involved are agreed with us that our 3 year old daughter is autistic.

The most obvious sign was around 18-24 months, when she still had no language other than babbling. She was a super sleeper - slept through the night from 8 weeks old, very happy content baby. An absolute dream for a first time parent, really. Excellent eater too, walked around the time you'd expect.

But the speech worried me. Then, it wasn't just the speech - she started being quite aggressive - I would get bitten multiple times a day, and sometimes pinched too. She has been known to get on all fours and headbutt walls and doors in frustration. She has been known to flap her hands, rock side to side and rarely, backwards and forwards.

We do know, thanks to microarray testing, that she has a genetic disorder - Tanc2 Syndrome. This often presents with autistic features and roughly half of individuals will present with seizures too. This Syndrome does affect social communication, does impact motor development.

Having that testing done did give us answers we had been needing - I was starting to believe I was just a bad parent.

I'm also glad that I saw autism signs early and acted when I could. But the battle for provision has only really just started.

Agree with you 100%.
It's incredibly insulting.

I agree with this.

This is like reading about my DD 13 who is likely autistic, going through assessment/CAMHS now - totally masked it. She also had tics for a few years which is likely associated. Recently she's been sleeping only after about 3-4am, this happens after her mask slipped and she lost control, she's been off school since February and recently started melatonin which has been great. I think she'll have to cha ge schools as she's in a huge noisy school, she needs a very quiet and calm environment

@PangolinPie could have written for dd and I. Diagnosed at 14.

Also, from weaning, really rigid about food. Nothing touching, no liquids or sauces, small menu etc.
Sertraline for a year now from 20yr. She goes volunteering twice a week. Goes to the shops for milk or bread. Still has no friends and just prefers her own company. Tries to make conversation a bit. Offers to make a cup of tea.
I absolutely adore her. I sometimes wish other people could appreciate just how smart and funny she is. But she doesn't do people.