Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of the in-laws?

20 replies

SummerDays95 · 03/06/2022 23:33

I'm prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable, I know dogs are a bit of a divisive topic! There is a bit of history with the in-laws not listening to me and not respecting my boundaries, and more recently just having no interest in my children whatsoever. So there is a bit of resentment there that may be clouding my feelings. However, MIL agreed to look after DD1 for a few days while I am at work and we are in between childcare options. We are very grateful, and do not expect this - DH would have to take days off work to cover this which we are prepared to do if MIL was not available. Just called them today for a chat and they drop into the convo that they're looking after a husky for three weeks, which pretty much covers the time they'll be looking after DD. I don't know this dog and I'm really uncomfortable with leaving my 1yo with a huge dog I don't know. Apparently it 'wouldn't hurt a fly' as it's so old. I'm tempted to ask DH to say forget it and for him to take the days off, would this be crazy? I'm mad at them for not even asking us if we would be okay with this, and then letting it slip in a casual conversation, as if the first time I would have found out if we hadn't called them today would have been on the morning I would have dropped DD off! Would anyone else not be comfortable with this? I hate that they don't care about their grandkids and now they come at the bottom of the pile underneath a stupid dog that isn't even theirs. I feel like this is the last straw and I'm just fed up. Sorry for the rant!

OP posts:
JemimaPudding · 03/06/2022 23:36

No, 100% would not be comfortable and wouldn't be cancelling. And I have a dog of my own so would usually be very comfortable with children around dogs. But it is just far too risky with a dog you do not known and not worth it.

Dinosaur975326788900864322456778899900754543 · 03/06/2022 23:41

I’d cancel, not worth the risk

worraliberty · 03/06/2022 23:41

I love dogs, I own two of them and I would definitely not be happy about this.

junebirthdaygirl · 03/06/2022 23:43

Don't leave your child there. They are not responsible people if they didn't run this past you first so l wouldn't trust them with a one year old.

yesthatisdrizzle · 03/06/2022 23:45

A one-year-old and a huge dog they barely know? Nope, not worth the risk.

Original poster
SummerDays95 · 03/06/2022 23:46

Thanks for your replies, I'm so glad to hear people echoing what I'm thinking. I'm actually so disappointed in them, they just don't seem to care about safety at all.

OP posts:
Suzi9989 · 03/06/2022 23:47

Definitely cancel, not worth the risk

MsTSwift · 03/06/2022 23:48

Makes my blood run cold. It’s not even their dog so how do they know it’s fine? Husky’s are big - with a one year old? No way. Not a dog person though so may affect my response.

Womencanlift · 03/06/2022 23:49

YANBU to not want your child there, I wouldn’t want my child around a dog either

But YABU for expecting them to ask your permission first and saying they don’t care about their grandchild when they do you a massive favour by looking after your child. Unless you and/or your DH has unlimited leave then they would need to cover some or it would cost you for childcare so they are doing a favour

Kite22 · 03/06/2022 23:52

I would not be happy about it, and I wouldn't want to leave my little one in a house where there was a visiting dog staying.
However I think it is a bit of a leap to this I hate that they don't care about their grandkids and now they come at the bottom of the pile underneath a stupid dog that isn't even theirs

I would put this down to not really thinking about it, or to making a different decision about risk. that is very different from the leap you have made on what you have told us .

csectionmummas · 03/06/2022 23:53

I would cancel. It’s likely to be fine, but the fact she agreed to look after a dog when she already had you in the diary suggests she’s not responsible enough to look after a 1yo. Even if she was the sweetest, most kind hearted person, agreeing to both at the same time is inappropriate. What will she do with them both all day? Firstly, Either the baby or the dog will be severely restricted in what they can do

(it’s the sort of thing I’d have agreed to do in my early 20s when I was of an age when I just didn’t think things through)

Kite22 · 03/06/2022 23:53

Oh, x posted with womancanlift saying exactly the same as me

Original poster
SummerDays95 · 04/06/2022 00:04

There is a bit of backstory which is probably too much to go into, but I agree that just on this alone that statement probably is too much. I think MIL favours her daughter's kids over mine; will always cancel work shifts to see them, but has never called me or DH and asked to see our kids, and when we try and get together with them (they live 5 minutes walk away) she's always busy or vague. It is a huge favour for her to look after DD, but I'd rather not have it if it means compromising my DD's safety. We always said to her when we talked about her helping out that we don't expect it and we are prepared for DH to take time off work instead if she can't do it, so there has always been the option for her to say no. It will probably be the last favour we ask of her though, her judgement has been off about too many things!

OP posts:
Original poster
SummerDays95 · 04/06/2022 00:06

And I should say I didn't expect them to ask permission, but I just wonder if it would have been brought up at all before I dropped DD off next week, as they seemed to have said it by accident today. It would have been nice if they had considered asking us if we would be okay with it given that we have been in their diary for about 7 months for this.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 04/06/2022 00:51

All the best op

Stompythedinosaur · 04/06/2022 01:11

It's fine to cancel if you aren't comfortable, but saying your dc are "bottom of the pile below the dog" is melodramatic. I assume they believe the dog is safe. If you don't trust their risk assessment then make different arrangements.

saraclara · 04/06/2022 01:25

Attitudes to toddlers and dogs have changed hugely in a generation or so. I imagine that they'd have thought nothing of it, rather than putting your kids behind the dog. When my kids were small people were much more relaxed about dogs and kids. The dangerous breeds hadn't become popular, and dog attacks on children were very very rare.

So I wouldn't be assuming the worst of them re their attitude to their DGC. They probably just didn't see it as an issue.

However, of course you're within your rights to change the arrangements.

katrizia127 · 04/06/2022 10:21

YANBU, definitely! I love dogs but you have to be realistic about how they might behave. Old dogs are much more likely to snap at a child than young dogs, by the way. I was bitten on the face by my parent's 15 year old sheepdog when I was 5, for no apparent reason. They get crabby with age.

Original poster
SummerDays95 · 04/06/2022 19:45

Thanks all. I was being a bit melodramatic yesterday, so I'm glad I came on here to air my feelings first! I feel a bit more confident asserting myself now, even though I know they'll try to convince me I'm being crazy and precious. That dog is getting nowhere near my baby!

OP posts:
Geordielass1987 · 04/06/2022 19:47

I’ve got big dogs and young children (one of them is under 1) and I wouldn’t be happy with this either no way! YANBU

New posts on this thread. Refresh page