What to do about this guy from school?!

[rainbowcakes]

I used to go to school with a boy who was quite frankly, a bit creepy. After GCSE's (in 2005) I never saw him again. We both moved away to different places.

In January this year, he sent me a load of random messages on Messenger which was a mixture of how he adored me in school, along with commentary about photos etc id posted over the years, plus random rants about the pandemic etc. I was at work at the time and was a bit wtf, I just muted the conversation as i was in a meeting (i never replied).

Since then, he has intermittently sent me a load of random messages about himself, interspersed with political crap etc etc and says he now lives where my parents have moved to. Says he can tell I am unhappy in my marriage because i never post photos of DH etc etc. Says i must like what he messages me because i 'respond & react to his observations' (i never actually unmuted the chat from january & so i have never ever replied to him because ive not read his messages!!). Then goes on say about how he understands why i want to maintain the perception of an idyllic family (wait, even though i never post photos of my husband?!) He’s also said he was sorry to hear my DD was premature etc etc.

Anyway - it was DDs birthday the other day & i received a gift of a dvd boxset aimed at kids through the post. No note. Asked around but never found out who sent it.

Low & behold, its this guy. He says he found my address on the open electoral register and thought it would be a great present for a toddler. Now i really feel quite scared that he knows where i live. I dont think he would actually do anything but its really unnerved me. I've now blocked him but i didnt send him a response. What the F should i do?? Ive not told DH yet, he will hit the roof. My first thought was to inform the police, but he hasnt been abusive or threatening to me. Help!!

Apologies for posting this in AIBU by the way, simply for traffic. Really wanted some others opinions before i react and then end up wishing id done something different!

I think the general advice is you need to tell him clearly that you do not want any communication with him, that he needs to stop contacting you and if he doesn't you will report him to the police for harassment. You also need to tell your husband.

Yup, clearly message him telling him you don't want contact with him and that you will go to police if he does (and actually follow through on this). Then block. Refuse all 'presents', return to sender anything unsolicited.

Oh and lock down/come off social media, and although it's a bit late for this as he already knows where you live I believe you can get yourself removed if the 'open' electrol role, so that your address isn't readily visible.

The evidence burden falls to you.

Screen shot the messages.
Note the date of the gift.
Send a message - dont sugar coat it - never contact me again.
If he does then report him to the police.

Why did you not block him when he started telling you how you felt in your own marriage?

Thanks so much everyone. I will unblock him & tell him not to contact me again or I will contact the police.

@jubileetrain i never unmuted the conversation since he sent me the first message in January, so I've only just read it.

Ive told my DH. He was furious (but not with me obviously). Have now sent him a message asking him not to contact me in any capacity or i will be contacting the police. Have also blocked him. Thank you for your advice everyone, i feel much better now.

I don’t know if it would be worth telling your parents, in case he approaches them in town asking questions about you.

or do you think it might scare them?

@YetAnotherNam im seeing them today and I'm going to tell them!

You can report this to the police now too.

It is unwelcome and persistent. You haven’t told him no contact up until now which means they may not move forward for a harassment charge but they could give him words of advice. There might be other stuff they know. They can give you safety advice too.

I’m with my friend who is a police officer and she said to contact police now. Her police service would log it and go and speak to him. She said he has placed you in a state of fear and alarm and although you didn’t block him or tell him to leave to alone his persistent unwanted and unreturned attention is harassing, they would be unlikely to charge him at this stage but “advice” would be given to both parties. His advice would be to leave you and any other women alone, yours to record any interaction. She also said you may get an asshole police officer who doesn’t take it seriously, persist they are not all equal! hope that helps and I know how frightening it is, I’ve had similar in the past and it affected me hugely

You have made the right decision and I hope it is the end of the matter.

The above.

'Do not contact me again,I do not wish to hear from you, if you contact me in any way I will contact the police immediately'

And I should read the full thread 🤣

It might be worth letting the police know now, he sounds like he might have form with this and they might be able to speak to him. Definitely let your parents know.

Agreed.
This is well beyond trying to get in touch.
This is stalking.