To wish people wouldn’t put photos on FB without asking?

[Margot78]

I am genuinely interested to see if I’m the only one who has seen a dreadful pic of themselves on social media, posted without permission and felt unable to ask for it to be taken down.

Went to a street party for the jubilee and had a lovely time. Come home and turns out one of the neighbours had been going round sneakily taking photos of everyone and has posted them on FB. There are two particularly hideous ones of me on there - one with double chins, one with my stomach looking like I’m five months pregnant. I know this is going to sound dramatic and self centred but I actually ended up in tears over it. It took a lot of guts to wear a dress, dh said I looked nice but now I see I looked dreadful and now everyone on the village FB page can see
just how hideous. I really really wish people would ask first before taking pictures and/or posting them on social media. Oh well - drastic dieting starts tomorrow.

I do in part understand what you mean but you do realise that that’s what you look like? So everyone sees you looking like that all day every day.

Yanbu. It's not OK.

I suppose I didn’t realise how gross I was - I normally hide under baggy clothes. It was just a shock that’s all, compounded by the fact that the unflattering angle was very public.

I understand in a way but there's not really anything you can do about it. It's sad that you can't be more accepting of yourself and the way you look. As the above poster said that is how you look not just in photos, and I'm sure it's nowhere near as bad as you think, I bet you looked lovely. I hope you had a good time at the party.

YANBU I hate this.

Could it be that you are just not used to seeing yourself in a dress? I know we haven't seen the photos but I bet it's not as bad as you think, it's just a change and you are feeling self conscious. Try to get out of your head and think about the day, did you have fun, did you enjoy seeing people etc? Focus on that.

I disagree with the pp that said it’s what you look like, anyone can be caught looking gross in a photo - there’s photos of famously beautiful women looking crap and it isn’t what they look like

I know but I always think it’s nice to ask before you take a photo of someone so that they can at least be comfortable with it. I wasn’t the only one, he got some poor bloke scoffing a drumstick and one older lady who looked grumpy for that particular nanosecond.

I agree with you. I absolutely wouldn't post without permission. It's rude and I thought in 2022 people would be more respectful. It isn't just about what you look like too, there are a whole host of reasons why someone might not want their photo online.

This happened to me. I asked for the photo to be taken down and she refused. She is now an ex friend. Some might say this is too sensitive but to me, the fat that she had no regard for my feelings was the last straw.

Thanks, it’s the taking photos of people who don’t know you’re taking it that I find a bit disconcerting. Unless you’re a wedding photographer it is a bit weird. I’m not his friend on FB, he’s put it on the village group page so not sure how I could ask him to take it down without drawing more attention to it and sounding like I’m self obsessed and a killjoy. Hopefully most people will scroll past it, it’s a very boring photo, just a side on view of me listening to another woman talking!

I hate this too. And I see similar all the time on FB. You won’t look like that all the time. Some photos really are awful, just seem to capture the worst bits. I don’t mind a posed photo with everyone smiling etc, but honestly some of the “candid “ shots I see, I wonder whether the snapper posts them to make themselves look more attractive by comparison. It’s not a nice thing to do.

I hate it. I don't have an account and don't put personal things online. But I can find pictures of me at parkrun.. so many, looking so awful. Video of me dancing drunkenly in a new pub ( I'm in the background and not really recognisable, but I know it's me), I could go on.
There is a new run club that I would like to join, but they keep putting videos up on our local community Facebook, of the warm ups etc. I'm not going to go. Nobody needs to see me jogging on the spot in glorious technicolour.

YANBU to not want photos put up but I also agree with the PP who said that's how you look (not you per se...) and I always find it a real disappointing shock when I see myself in photos because in my head I look a lot better 😬

I know what you mean, OP, a woman we used to work with was a menace for this… I don’t do FB, so I had people saying ‘oh your dress was lovely last night, blah, blah’ and the only way they’d seen it was cos of this damn woman with her camera phone!😡
They was an alarming pic of me seeming to be strangling my male boss - it looked awful - but he had arrived to the function late, and I was just putting his collar right! The photo caused so much comment, the silly women finally removed it.
She put my phone number on FB on my 50th birthday, so I was bombarded with randoms sending me ‘Happy Birthday’ messages!

I hate this too, my friend has a habit of posting horrific shots of me next to her looking gorgeous.She continues to share them as memories so they never go away.Over time I’ve learnt to not zoom in, just a quick glance , curse and try not to consider who else has seen it.It really gets on my nerves, I’ve pulled her up about it before she just plays it down saying I look great even though my eyes are shut and , I look about 90

Yeah I know you’re right. I just got a good old fashioned wake up call I guess. I know I need to lose weight but have a lot to deal with at the mo and just haven’t had the mental strength for dieting. Will have to get my act together now.

I had a friend who did this all the time so I changed my settings on my FB account. Now I have to review anything I’m tagged in before it gets added to my timeline. If I don’t want it added I just ignore it! But mutual friends of that friend will still see them unfortunately so you can’t ever have complete control.

@Margot78 A big part of the battle with losing weight is being in the right frame of mind mentally. Don't even attempt it if you're not ready, you'll just be miserable.

You're not wrong with being annoyed about the photos - I don't even put photos of my own teens up online because I know how insecure it might make them feel because we all immediately zone in on what we perceive our faults and flaws to be.

I hate what my tummy looks like, and my double chin (s) and my patch of grey hair but realistically nobody else gives a shit. When someone posts a picture they're not even considering that it might be showing something you hate about yourself.

I dont allow anyone to take pictures of me for this reason, they end up everywhere and I think no one has any care whether you're bothered about it being on social media and I am very much bothered.

Yep...every single.pic of me at parkrun but l don't always to be the misery guts that says no pics pls.

YANBU I hate this! I always think "Just because you love to put your whole life on social media, doesn't mean I do!".

I've asked people to take pics down before especially when it's been of my children and they have always been understanding. Definitely ask nicely!

I hate this too!!!! I have a facial disfigurement which I extremely self conscious about so I never take photos of myself or have pictures in my house (of me) whilst I appreciate it's harmless not everyone is a body confident, selfie loving individual !