To want a third child?

[Childerbeasts]

I have two lovely children age 3 and 6.
I am 38. I was sure after DC2 was born that I was done with having kids.
Honestly though, I can't shake the notion of a third, as much as I want to.

When I think entirely practically I know it isn't a good idea (time, money, practicality, sanity), but my heart says something different.

I don't know why! I've not found being a mum easy to be honest. My youngest is still a difficult sleeper and I am perpetually exhausted. I'm disorganised and struggle to juggle kids, work, housework. I know it is madness really, to want to go back to the beginning.

I think it is just nostalgia getting to me, it seems like they're growing up so quickly.

DH doesn't help as, although he says he doesn't want any more children, he also says he "wouldn't mind really" - it might help if he was steadfast in his resolution to stick to two. At the moment if feels like there's a door that's ajar and I can either open it or shut if for good.

Talk some sense into me Mumsnet please!

I feel like this about a fourth. We’d love one but practically it’s not a good idea as I have horrible pregnancies and tend to get PND, and our life is great as it is and I don’t want to go back to feeling like shit for months again. No advice but you’re not alone

I'd love a third but it would set me back in my career, which I've recently changed, would have to move house (not that big of an issue). Me and DH have spoken about it.

And that's the thing @ForestFae ... if we did have a third, who is to say I wouldn't feel this way again about a fourth?

I feel like my biological clock is playing me like a fiddle and I'd like it to stop!

I could almost have written this post myself! I know exactly how you feel. I'm 39, almost 40. I have two sons - aged 4 and 5. I've always wanted more, but to be honest we found it really hard having two, and ended up having a few really difficult years after DS2 came along. My husband is really against the idea of having another, but I've always wanted a third.

Things are a lot better now, and my husband has tentatively said he might agree to a third, which has sent me into a bit of a tailspin. Logically, I know it is a bad idea. I don't want more chaos/noise/work in my life, but I also want another little one to love. I'm not denying it would be hard - maybe really hard - and I would hate a lot of it. But would it be worth it in the end? Am I going to regret not having one forever? I just don't know.

I feel like I'm (reluctantly) having to accept that I won't have another, which may be the right decision but it makes me so sad. In a way it brings my life into focus - what am I doing now, what am I working towards? It was always what I planned for myself, so I feel lost without the thought that it will eventually happen.4

But if I honestly ask myself - what is the best thing for our family, and what would be the best thing for my children - the answer is not to have another. Like you, I think it's my hormones talking. I think I need a hobby, or a cat, or something to invest myself in so that I can stop going round and round in my head...

Anyway, I don't know if that helps. Hope you're working your way through your feelings and find some resolution.

x

This was me. We decided to go for it and I'm 9 weeks pregnant. Our girls are 7 and 4 so friends and family are definitely not expecting it! For me, I knew it would be a huge regret if we didn't. I already know this is our last, it really feels final and I'm enjoying every moment.

I have three. Don't do it.

My third DC just moaned she was starving, let her pizza go cold, had to heat up, has cried about her rats that died a year ago and is now curled up in a ball saying she feels sick. I wouldn't send her back but no idea what the fuck I was thinking.

I am 42 with an 18, 14 and 10 year old and I am knackered. I wouldn't if I was you...

My 3rd is 14 months, she's a delight and completes our family

It's very hard and very chaotic but it was 110% the right thing for us

I know the feeling .

I have two young boys and I’m so happy with my family . It’s everything I’ve ever wanted .

But I kinda want a third and I have no idea why . I wonder if I’ll always feel this way . If I had a third then would I want a fourth ?!

I know deep down it’s not what is best for our family or for myself but I can’t shake the feeling .

I have a lot going on at the moment and ideally shouldn’t consider a new baby for a few more years plus I’m 38 and only feeling more and more tired the older I get . Or maybe it’s because my youngest is a terrible sleeper 😔

Personally I’m leaning towards no but you never know. My husband doesn’t want a third either ( except every once and a while he says maybe and asks me my thoughts lol )

"My 3rd is 14 months, she's a delight and completes our family
It's very hard and very chaotic but it was 110% the right thing for us"

I love this. That's what I want - the delight of having a little person join our family.

This is why it is so hard to argue against my rational self (and my husband) - because the come back is just "I want to do it for the love". And that means something huge, but it doesn't sound good when stacked against the negatives.

I wanted a third. We had one, it is lovely, so much more of a nice dynamic, and two years in I 100% still don't feel any urge for another!

I wondered if anyone (especially OP) was willing to update on this thread about having a third child? I could have written the original message myself (although my babes are 5 and 1). Still can’t decide what is right or possible of course. Did you go for it?!

I posted on this thread 2 years ago. We had our little boy, hes now 1.5, and couldn't be happier. His big sisters love him so much! Life is very busy, but we love it that way.

Ahh thank you Scottishgirl! So often I read mumsnet threads and wonder how things developed.. (that would often be the most helpful thing to know!). Nice to hear your positive update and glad things worked out well for your family, good luck with it all :)