To give a guy an ultimatum?

[Sammythekitten]

Would this be seen as needy / manipulative / dramatic behaviour? Please be honest

The crunch of it is - I have been seeing a guy for a couple of months. AIBU to lay my cards on the table to this guy and basically say; you are totally in my life or you are not? I know that is fairly black and white thinking, but I do not have time for wishy washy nonsense, situationships, friends with benefits or whatever else ‘friends’-but-I-might-change-my-mind-back-and-forward nonsense?

I want a relationship; and I am mindful to ‘not rush in’, but in my 30’s looking to start a family I do not want to waste my time. However, I also do not want to forfeit an honest steady relationship building up - to completely have to start at square one again with the cheaters / liars and abusers which so often frequent OLD. This is the main way I could meet guys as I am a busy professional.

I just feel it is a difficult balance.

I feel I am a catch and have alot of love to give the right person.

I wouldn't frame it as an ultimatum, no.

But it's reasonable to have a conversation to establish if you are both on the same page. If you find you want different things, it would be reasonable to say, "That's not what I want so I don't wish to continue".

I said pretty much that to DH. We'd had a few "friend dates" and obviously liked each other, got on, etc and after we kissed I told him the next day I wasn't looking to mess about so if he was lookig for potential long term commitment then fine but otherwise I wasn't interested in making us official.

We've been together 15 years this year.

Agree with PP, don’t make in an ultimatum. Also what do you mean by “fully in your life”? After two months this sounds like a bit of a strong commitment? I would start by asking him questions about what he is looking for and how he sees the situation between the two of you potentially developing? In my experience relationships work better when you give them a bit of time to breathe before laying down too many expectations/ demands.

This is excatly what I mean. It is too much so early on to say 'be in a relationship with me or nothing'; but I also do not want to waste time putting energy into the wrong thing. Dating is so hard.