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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be fed up with DH deflecting?

3 replies

B1rthis · 03/06/2022 14:51

He's had an unhealthy relationship with food as long as I've known him.

Back story is that he doesn't seem to know he's full and when we visited his mum over the years for dinner she seemed to set him up to fail by continuing to fill his plate each time it looked empty and often scoffed when visitors declined seconds.

He has a BMI of 39 and has spent may years trying the latest diet to loose weight. I've given him lots of support and encouragement, one main way was that we agreed he was in control of choosing weekly shop and preparing meals so he could plan meals etc but recently he's seen this as me wanting to participate in his diets which I've told him I don't want or need.

After having our last baby a few years ago I have a bmi of 22 which isn't bad though I was a lot slimmer pre children and enjoy a variety of food. But when out with my DH with friends and family the conversation will more often than not be about my meal choice with comments about how I have to have desert and how he can't go anywhere without having to buy me xyz sugary foods.

I've let it slide most times but have said to him how it's getting beyond a joke. Instead of taking this on board he's now getting at me regularly about how I need to consider fasting, the health benefits of this and to stop eating sugar.

I would probably humour him if it wasn't for the fact that fasting to him means skipping lunch and dinner (that he's prepared for the family) and then ordering himself two pizzas.

Just before lunch I went to cut myself some cake only to have him stand over me asking whether I thought eating cake with children around was good for them to learn from.

Yesterday he went food shopping and came home to tell me that it's no wonder the world is getting so overweight with all their baskets and trolleys full of biscuits and sugary cereals. I told him to stop worrying about other people and to focus on his own diet to which he just eye-rolled.

It's bank holiday weekend and he's home for four days. There's lots of events going on locally which we have aimed to take our children to but I'm unsure if I can 'stomach' him all weekend.

Am I being unreasonable to just want to leave him at home because I feel he's deflecting and avoiding his poor relationship with food?!

OP posts:
FlippityFlapperty · 03/06/2022 14:54

It sounds very much like he has disordered eating and is unhealthily preoccupied with thoughts about it, instead of just allowing himself and others to eat when they are hungry.

Outoutoutshout · 03/06/2022 15:57

"asking whether I thought eating cake with children around was good for them to learn from."
No but neither is cooking for the family and then ordering 2 pizzas. Call him out everytime.

3beesinmybonnet · 03/06/2022 16:18

Sounds like he has deep seated issues around food that are rooted in his childhood esp considering his DMs comments. Has he been brought up to equate food with love? Maybe any comment from you feels like a personal attack so he goes on the defensive.

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