How do i do it?

[Defeatedbylife]

My son is 11,he has severe autism and learning disabilities ,he is non verbal and has extremely limited understanding,doesn't communicate with makaton ,generally will only indicate by pushing me to anything he wants.
My problem is ive still not managed to toilet train him,hes in nappies. I have a back condition and encouraging him to lie down and cleaning him is getting too hard, too much.ive asked his special needs school for help,they aren't much help saying we are waiting for him to show he needs changing or show he feel uncomfortable and wants to be changed.
What can i do?its so so hard,has anyone with a similar child got any advice please?none of this journey with him has been easy,its all such a battle.

They should be checking him periodically, not leaving him in a wet/dirty nappy.
Does he have a care plan at school ?

I don't think they are leaving him, I think they mean they are waiting for him to show signs he is ready to toilet train as currently he is not.

I assume they do,i hope they do.their response is they are waiting for him to show awareness, what if that doesn't happen?!

Anyone???

I'm not clear on what help you want from his school op. Are you wanting them to try to toilet train him?

Is there a support group - in your area or online - with parents whose children have a similar level of difficulties as your son? What has their experience been like? Do you have a support worker who can help you create a plan?

I think you have to face the possibility that he may not toilet train. I'm sorry, it does sound like he has significant additional needs.

Yes id love any help hope or advice that he can and will be toilet trained

Some kids are never toilet trained, sorry, I’m sure that’s not what you want to hear. Ask his school to contact the health professionals supporting him, so that you can all come up with a plan together.

That sound so hard, no wonder you have back problems.
Do you think he might be able to use the toilet independently if you had help in teaching him, or are you looking for ways to manage the physical changing without injuring yourself more?

Hi my son is 10 and is exactly the same, to be honest I can’t see him ever being toilet trained, his school also said the same as yours. I’ve started changing my son whilst he’s standing up, would this be an option? I have to do it very quickly before he tries to wander off. Have you got an OT who could order you some kind of raised changing table?

Hi Op. I don't have loads of advice but just wanted to come on and say I have an 11year old exactly the same. Still having to change nappies as if he is a baby. I have tried everything and spoke to everyone and had all professionals possible involved and no further forward. I just want you to know you aren't alo.e and sometimes there just isn't a resolution...hugs xxx

Oh love, I can only imagine how hard things have been for you. Does your school not have a family liaison person who can work with you at home?
I used to work in a school for children with autism and we would frequently work with the family liaison workers to implement plans that would benefit home life. This included toiletting/getting dressed and things like going shopping/socialising.
There is no shame in using bribery! Chocolate buttons/stickers and loads of praise were often very effective.
What are your plans for secondary school?

I know its possible he wont ever learn,just wanted to know if anyone had any success and suggestions.

@Soul31 @XXBeckiXX its so hard isn't it,harder as they get older,i feel terrified at the thought ill be changing him as a young man and then adult.

@Defeatedbylife Yes its so hard, my son also gets agitated when I try to change him and he kicks his legs a lot if he’s in a bad mood. I’ve also often thought how people cope when their children get older. I just can’t see my son being toilet trained with the way he is, the most he’s ever done is bring me a fresh pad when he’s very soiled to indicate he wants changing but that’s a rare occurrence.

The pads are so absorbent nowadays it's actually quite difficult for them to know they are wet and feel it because they aren't.

And because of the autism and routine he'll be use to toileting into a pad.

I've worked with children with SLD for decades.

In this situation we would support parents. Usually we use a symbol on the timetable and would encourage them to sit on the toilet regularly (you can get a wee/ poo symbol too). Also use pull ups so they resemble underwear if they get it.

The steps are normally to get them to understand you wee/poo in the toilet first, followed by teaching them how to communicate that (if they can and how they can).
Then moving onto pants when they are using the toilet and continuing the taking them.
Some children don't ever understand the concept but if a parent wants to try will we will support them and do it in school.

I have worked with Children with SN for many years.
I did work with 1 young man who had very limited communication whos mum had managed to mostly train him to a schedule- so we sat him on the toilet at regular intervals through the day and through praise and rewards he had learnt that he went on the toilet. It wasn't 100% fool proof so he still wore pull ups but they had to be changed much less often.
I would be talking to the continence service about getting pull ups so where possible you can change him standing up (maybe with you sat on a little stool)- might only work for wet ones but better than lying him down everytime. Or can you change him on the bed?

Have you asked the incontinence team for help, they gave me advice when my son was toilet training (my DS has Down syndrome and got toilet trained around age 8). We were on a timed schedule for a while before we switched to going when needed. You should also ask for an OT assessment, they provided us with a toilet surround and step to help my son feel more secure. If you’re not at this stage then they should be looking at things such as hoists if it’s too hard for you to physically manage.